What's a relationship breaker for you?

Beyond gross abuse (of course) what would make you decide to distance yourself from a person and/or break off all contact with them?

:hug:

Sometimes I think you don't ever recover completely from being betrayed...

I don't think there is anyway you can work around that.

It will re-surface over and over again.

Once the balloon is burst .. . . . ..

Mike

...when I get home from a hard day of Drinkin', Gambling and Whoring.

her again, even to find out about what strain of the disease she gave me is.

:thumbsdown:

Survived the windstorm?

:hug:

it was windy all night, too. It's supposed to be windy and rainy like this all day, which is fine by me. We're cozy inside, with a nice fire going... :hug: xo!

:hug:

I am desperate and will put up with anything if someone will just pretend to love me.

so I'm thinking not so much anymore. If I'm gonna avoid the pitfalls of previous relationships, I can't keep reacting to things the same way.

Besides, I'd rather have a relationship end naturally early on instead of dragging it out to a slow and painful death later.

Lying.

Particularly when it comes to another person's wishes. This was the deal breaker for me with my mother. My Dad was terminally ill with cancer, and he had made his wishes clear to all of us...no heroic resuscitation, no machines, and cremation. She screwed him over on all three. I was very close to my Dad, and I couldn't believe she would do that to him - and she didn't give any of us (his four children) a choice on it, even though we agreed with his three different doctors (primary, cardiologist, and oncologist) that he needed a DNR order. It was a very selfish choice that she made, and showed little concern for anything than keeping him alive artificially - he wasn't "there" anymore. Because of all of this, I haven't had any contact with her since shortly after my Dad's death, which was in 2001.

One lesson I've learned in all of this is the importance of a living will. This is something that can save a lot of agony, both for the person who is ill, and for their loved ones. If you haven't yet done it, please make your wishes known, and get it done in writing.

lack of respect is the kicker. Infidelity, verbal or physical abuse, etc. all fall into the Lack of Respect category for me.

I'm so sorry to hear about the way your dad's death was handled.

figuratively speaking...

basically being shut out on an emotional level... or when the "Come here - go away" game is being played

learned that the hard way, if gates are slammed down - I leave - period, and I don't play the game at all

:rofl:

yep... after 25 years of dating, I have gotten pickier and pickier as the years have gone by.

which is fine. I've lived to reach my 40s, raise a child, and I've done it by myself. And if I have to live the next 40 by myself, I can do it. I don't need a partner. It'd be nice to share my life, but if I don't, well, I'm a whole person all by myself.

Someone else put it eloquently though... disrespect. Disrespect is probably the root to all the other "breakers" listed.

I want someone who won't say "no" to me. And I want to be w/ someone that I won't want to say "no" to.

That has been my parents marriage for 58 years (they still hold hands).

I won't settle for less.

I know there are more, but these hit the top of my list besides gross abuse.

just saying...

RL

It's the first on the list.

I fooled around with a smoker once. Haven't done it since. She was cute... but when you don't want to kiss someone it's hard to be intimate.

Disrespect for me, my feelings, wants and needs. He also needs to be just generally well mannered and respectful of everyone, regardless of job or social status.

Substance abuse or other problems. It's not that I don't sympathize, but I personally don't have the wearwithall to cope with such problems in an intimate relationship any longer. I was with a person with psych problems for over 10 years and they were very hard on me personally. Those years used up my supply of goodwill and patience in that dept. I definitely want someone who is a fully-functioning responsible adult capable of returning my affection.

Someone who wants an open relationship. I'm not polyamorous; I'm completely monogamous and loyal. I expect those qualities to be returned with gusto. The last person who suggested this to me got the boot really fast, even though I think of him as a friend otherwise.

Lying or cheating, possibly to cover up other problems. I have a pretty darn good BS detector. If what you say about yourself rings false to me in any way, I'm outta there. I wont' stick around to find out why.

If we manage to get past those biggies --

Not matching up on the life philosophy/political leaning scale. I'm a spiritual liberal and I want him to be one too. He doesn't have to be the same as me, but enough so that there is some empathy there, Bottom line: I don't want there to be some big swath of life that is off limits to discussion because we are at opposites. We can be opposites in other ways.

Issues with your kids/other family drama. I'm of an age where I don't expect a man to not have children, but I do expect him to be a loving father and to basically get along well enough with the ex. I expect former partners to be just that... former. I don't want to walk into someone else's soap opera.



There might be others, but I think those are the biggest ones.

but in the past i have broken up with people because i've gotten bored. i have a low tolerance for boredom.

on the other hand, it would really take a lot for me to break up with lisa.

:shrug:

:P

Changed my mind. That's all.

Religion--I will never, ever get involved with someone who professes a faith that includes any kind of eternal punishment if the "rules" are broken. If your religion condemns certain people to Hell, then a relationship with you would not be possible for me. I'd just end up resentful, angry, and bitter.

Politics and Social Views--I couldn't be with someone who believes *any* of the following things:

--That welfare recipients are largely a bunch of lazy sluts who don't want to work, and keep popping out babies for the sake of benefits.
--That rich people should pay the same income tax as the rest of us, because "it's only fair".
--That a woman should have to consult *anyone* before making a reproductive choice, including her parents if she's under 18.
--That homeless people "choose" to be that way.
--That our tax dollars should be stripped away from public schools, and re-directed into vouchers that largely go to parochial schools, thus subsidizing religious indoctrination with public money.
--That the government should give public money to any institution that discriminates, including the Boy Scouts and the Salvation Army.
--That President Bush is "really a nice guy at heart".
--That equal marriage rights would be "special rights".
--That handguns solve more problems than they create.
--That the United States was founded as a Christian nation.
--That affirmative action is just "reverse discrimination", and should be abolished.
--That the minimum wage hurts the economy, and should be kept a low as possible.
--That "moments of silence" in schools are anything other than kids being pressured to pray.
--That "hate crime" laws are unnecessary and unfair.

There's plenty more, but you get the idea.

The only other thing that I consider an absolute deal-breaker is if someone constantly trivializes the things I'm concerned about as "hormonal hyperbole". It's incredibly hurtful to be told that your opinions are unimportant just because you happen to be female and upset.

Infidelity isn't so much of a concern in my world--in fact, quite the opposite. I don't get involved with strictly monogamous people--the whole notion of monogamy-or-divorce is appalling to me. I personally feel that my relationships are far more likely to succeed, because I don't impose unrealistic ultimatums on my partners. I don't have a large enough ego to believe that I'm So Good that my partner should never, ever need to have sex with anyone else again. Knowing that my partner loves me is more important than knowing that his/her body hasn't been touched by anyone else. If the love is there, everything else is just a matter of working things out together. Fidelity just isn't important enough to me to risk losing a truly wonderful love relationship.

Can I just say "ditto"?!

:thumbsup:

I'd also add that in the beginning of relationships, it doesn't take much for me to say "goodbye", but when I commit, I commit. My relationships have either been a few months or less or very long term (many, many years).

For me, too. That and smoking.

Also, I can't stand neediness. I heard all my life how much needier women were than men, but I can attest that's not true. I'm sick to death of guys who expect a woman to drop everything to tend to their needs while they put their own aside. I'd rather be alone for the rest of my life, living how I want to and being free, than having some guy pile on me.

I've seen quite a few of those things that I listed regurgitated right here on DU by so-called Democrats--all of it except for the one about Bush being a "nice guy at heart", actually. It hurts a thousand times more to see a fellow Democrat saying those things than it does to hear it from a Rethug. I expect Rethugs to act like heartless, brainless cavemen. I never expect that from Dems, so it hits me twice as hard when it happens.

I know I'm supposed to be "tolerant" of the DINOs, but frankly, they sicken me. When "Democrats" see no problem with compromising the civil liberties of their fellow citizens for the sake of imposing their self-righteous morality on everyone else, it hurts and infuriates me. That's the kind of crap I meant to vehemently reject by joining the Democratic Party; now I see that vileness more and more often coming out of the mouths of Democrats. It's appalling.

Thanks so much for taking the time to write such a comprehensive and well-thought out post.

Fuck that.

This could be their fault, by being inconsiderate repeatedly, or... I have to say... my fault. Sometimes you just get tired of someone else always being there. :shrug:

1. a pattern of selfishness
2. public rudeness
3. age inappropriate immaturity

For romantic endeavors I would add

1. death of intimacy (this can be emotional or physical - if either of us just give up it's over)
2. any sort of violence - this includes destroying objects in my presence while in anger (1 strike yer out)
3. Financial dishonesty. (I gave this one 2 strikes)


There may be others but this is what I've encountered so far in my life that turned out to be a deal breaker.

The serious, sleep apnea type. I'm miserable without good sleep, so I can't get beyond it. I know it seems petty, but it's life critical.

We had been on one date, and we had talked on the phone a couple of times. I was adamantly opposed to the Iraq invasion. I just got so irritated with him for saying that "we need to get Saddam", I never spoke to him again.

they make me sick

The following are big no-nos: Condescension, snarkiness, kibbitzing, gratuitious editorializing, treating me like underperforming hotel staff or an errant child.

abusing my trust
infidelity
treating others as inferiors
always having to be "right"
shutting me out
playing games with my head
right wing ideology

I'm kinda with a lot of other people here, I think I'm tired of drama and have had enough of my own to not be a part of anyone else's drama.

Other than that, I'm pretty tolerant

That's usually when it ends badly.

The first one is an absolute rule.
The second I can bend slightly on, but not much since I would actually love to be a vegetarian.
The last one is...well, I don't have to explain here.... :D

It took a long time to come around to that.

As an atheist (thus no religion) and a liberal (thus informed enough to know why conservatives suck), that would kill it instantly.

It bugs the shit out of me.