If I had financial stability, I would be starting divorce proceding right now

but without the duel income we have, I can't live alone

:hug:

Do you have a savings account in your name?

we are a little strapped at the moment


not that we can't buy what we want or need, but enough, that we have to have both incomes

"duel" income ... as in DUELING, which is what it sounds like you've been doing.

Best wishes,

Bake

for 7 days

That's a lotta lotta booze.

Stay well, and stay strong. And come up with a PLAN that gets you outta there.

Bake

for dinner


every night we got a bottle of wine or champange at dinner. I drank one glass and he drank the rest every night


also doesn't count the 10 drinks he had for free at captains reception and the drinks at the crown and anchor reception for free or the 15 glasses of champange at the art auction he went to only for the alcohol


I do believe now that he has a huge problem

and get out of there. $800.oo is a lot of money even in today's economy.

:hug:

Being stuck with someone mean because of finances doesn't sound like it's very good for your well-being no matter how you look at it. :(

:hug:

Guess the cruise clarified things, huh? I'm so sorry you're in this situation. Sending you good vibes so you can see your way clear to leaving him to save your sanity. There must be a way that you can make it on your own with some support from him (the magic word in divorce hearings: alcoholic). Keep us posted, okay? PM me if you need someone to talk to. :hug:

Redstone

we don't really fight at all

he barks


daughter and I do

but its not over money

I bet that makes her laugh.:eyes:

obviously this person is in crisis. sometimes it's just better to leave the claws retracted.

not very funny.

Of to the Ignore Pit with you. You're getting tiresome.

Redstone

and that is rare these days

Redstone

Redstone

I didn't think it was a funny thread. And you're still not funny.

I, for one, appreciate trying to inject the humor in this thread. Sometimes, a little levity is a good way to make problems manageable, instead of magnifying them.

Luckily, my wife and I haven't had either one for years.
:rofl:
(Not an original joke)

about your situation. Hope that you can figure out a way to have a peaceful (preferably single?) life.

:hug: :hug:

:hug:


it's not easy.......



lost

haven't really made any moves yet

that bridge yet

You wouldn't even have to let him know you were going. I had a drug addicted wife ten years ago, and went to several sessions of Al Anon. They have them at lunch and in the evenings. It really helped me to clarify what was going on and how I was involved in it. I'm not a religious person, and it doesn't have the same religious overtones that AA has. I very strongly recommend it. It might really help you. Peace and good luck.

Is that not a mental state of no return?

Al-anon can help you deal with your life now, as it is, imperfections and all. If that still seems like too much for you right now, please consider some kind of counseling, if you haven't already. Sometimes they can show you options or possibilities you haven't thought of.

Good luck to you. I've been in a similar spot, and pushed through it to a happier life.

but I don't have the money and if I take that Al-Anon step, it starts a process I can't hide anymore and then things will get really ROUGH and bumpy

Try to get to Al-Anon as soon as you can. The experience of others can be a huge help; first, just to know that you're not alone, but also to help you find the path for your future. Best wishes.

:hug:

First, I've been in a very similar situation-- married for ten years to a mean drunk who absolutely could not get her alcoholism under control, and utterly wrecked her personality as a result. So I'm going to offer some advice based on my own experiences. YMMV, of course.

Go to al-anon NOW. There is likely a meeting near you today or this evening. Go to the al-anon web site, get the name or URL for your local contacts, and find that meeting. Start the process today. Don't wait until tomorrow, or next week, or whenever. Al-anon is not a magic bullet that will solve all your problems, but if you are interested in learning some of the real roots of your (and your husband's) difficulties al-anon can help. I made the mistake you're making-- I waited until it was too late, and all done with, before I started going to al-anon meetings and I still regret that. Al-anon would probably not have changed the outcome for me and the ex, but I learned a great deal about the mistakes I was making in my attempts to deal with her alcoholism, and it sounds to me like you're duplicating many of those same strategies that won't work and will only increase your own unhappiness. The meetings themselves might or might not be for you-- they provide a friendly and understanding social network of folks who have walked in similar shoes, but the background information about living with alcoholism is very helpful, even if only for better understanding your own issues and reactions.

Finally, one further comment-- your posts about your situation sound like classic co-dependent misery. I did that too, resisting the inevitable for YEARS because I thought of every reason in the book why the ex and I couldn't make a clean break, including financial considerations. If you need to do it, you can. If you're really more concerned about financial matters, or other codependent issues, then perhaps you need to reexamine your situation a bit more critically. If you need to leave the relationship, leave it. Just do it. Every day you waste is a day you'll never recover. In the end, all the reasons I used to rationalize staying in a terrible relationship were empty ones. They never really made any significant difference once I committed to changing things. Mostly, the roadblocks are in our heads.

Definitely, what you said.

start putting away little bits of that dual income right now and write yourself a little plan for getting out of the relationship.

..from seeking a better life. And it won't stop me, either, if I ever need to divorce.

Perhaps you are stronger than you think. Or maybe there is an option you haven't considered...?

At any rate, since you've been thinking about this for quite awhile now I hope you find some answers soon....especially if you have children at home.

:hug:

Do you have friends or family willing to help you or let you stay with them until you can get back on your feet? If you've been quiet about this, you may find help you didn't know was available. :hug:

I've been where you've been and I feel awful for you -- can we help you in any way?