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I was just about ready to go to bed, saw your post, and felt compelled to respond.
First, I am really sorry for all this crap you are going through. Speaking as a person who knows, you need to realize that major depressive disorder will fuck you up physically. It will exasperate every problem that you have in your body, and make it worse, or at least make it feel worse.
That being said, I want you to do what you have to do to take care of yourself. I don't know how to make the panic go away. Major depression is treatable, anxiety is treatable...everything you have is treatable, but it doesn't really help you to hear that when you are anxious....because no words can make it go away.
So what I will do here is at least offer you some compassion and support.
Fuck work. Do what you have to do to get by there, and that is it. Your boss is not going to take care of your health...YOU are though.
You can live a lifestyle that will put you at a lower risk for your heart problem. You can eat well. You may be able to exercise if your doctor says so. Do all of the positive things that you can.
Take care of yourself Roy, please. If you are alone, so be it. You have the power to take care of yourself. Don't feel like you have to jump through hoops and perform miracles. Just do the best you can do, and you will be alright.
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