How do you find the happy middle between being too needy or too detached ?

It is hard for me to figure out the boundaries.

:D

them too much , like I am a burden and they have better things to do with their lives , I never lighten their mood or relief their stress , just probably add to it , so I withdraw , and they start thinking that I am aloof and uncaring.

I wish I can share happy moments with friend without coming off as too needy.

But you need to reciprocate - ask how they're doing and give help/advice back.

There must be some way you can help someone - just listening to people can be a help to them.

And that is a process that doesn't come overnight.

:hug:

this past year...

I mean 1 am phone calls hysterical, to just ranting at dinner

I have apologized a million times and even tried to have "no lost whine" days while we are together..

all they say is that they are happy to be there for me and that I have someplace to let it out....
I do try to reciprocate even if I just listen to them ranting
I bet if you told your friends how you feel about this they would tell you it's ok...


:hi:


lost

I'm too independent for my own good. I guess if I'm seriously incapacitated then I'll ask for help. I'm also kinda mean. I have little patience for whiny people.

the inner state of one's consciousness is the most important thing to focus on.

What we create in our lives is a reflection of our inner state.

:)

and then you've evened yourself out. Seriously, I'm not good at figuring out boundaries either, but I usually take my cues from the friend I'm talking to at the moment. Mention something you want to talk about casually, then watch for the reaction and go on from there. It's taken me years and years to discover things about communication it seems both my siblings were born knowing, and I'm still not all that great at it. If you aren't good at interacting with other people, the best way to learn is to interact. I get embarrassed easily so the kind of "learning in public" thing is too hard, and I've felt like an absolute idiot too many times, but it worked for me in that now I can talk to people when I need to instead of staring at the ceiling for hours in misery.

So, don't think of yourself as useless, just someone who needs a little help in this area.

If you can figure that out, you'll make every other well-known psychologist look like an idiot. ;)

Seriously though....that balance is near to impossible to figure out. In my own personal experience, there were times where I needed my friends to help me through some rough stuff (divorce) and there were times where they needed me. I think that's where you will find the balance. You won't find it in yourself, per se.....but rather, within your friendships.

Hope that helps, and hope you're okay. :hug:

be there

be in the moment

be with your feelings

be with who you are with

just be present

:hug:

then you will be able to give and take and not be only needy, or so detached that you can't handle other's pain

just be there

:hi: