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rsmith6621 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed May-07-08 03:44 PM
Original message
Just Found Out Our Daugher Has Been Stealing


from my wife and I......


Just did a check online of transactions of my bank account and found two large withdraws. I asked my wife if she had done these transactions she said no....but she remembers letting her have the debit card to pay for gas for our car and what my wife thought was just a simple purchase of a package of CIGS on Sunday.

She is 24 years old and my wife and I are devastated....we are just trying to figure out what our next move is before confronting her....any suggestions...I have thought of having law enforcement involved...
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auntAgonist Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed May-07-08 03:45 PM
Response to Original message
1. I don't know what to say except
to offer a :hug: You have a tough road ahead. I hope your family is strong and can deal with this.

:(

aA
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Midlodemocrat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed May-07-08 03:45 PM
Response to Original message
2.  If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't get the law involved.
Does she live with you? Why is she not self supporting? Is she in school?
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rsmith6621 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed May-07-08 03:47 PM
Response to Reply #2
4. nope and No
..
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Midlodemocrat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed May-07-08 03:49 PM
Response to Reply #4
8. Okay, some more infor.
Why are you letting her borrow your debit card? What are her circumstances?

What do YOU think she took the money for?
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ceile Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed May-07-08 03:47 PM
Response to Original message
3. Do you know what she spent the $ on?
Maybe there's something behind the stealing.....not that it makes it ok.
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suninvited Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed May-07-08 03:48 PM
Response to Original message
5. I doubt the police would get involved
she didnt steal the card, it was handed to her.

However, you are going to have to confront her on your own and that wont be fun. A grown child stealing sometimes can be a big sign of drug use.
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HEyHEY Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed May-07-08 03:48 PM
Response to Original message
6. Dude, don't call the cops - it could be more innocent than you think
Edited on Wed May-07-08 03:52 PM by HEyHEY
I went through a phase where I had no choice but to frequentl take money from my parents "Secret" stash of cash. I always paid it back as soon as I could without them knowing. I didn't want them to know I was hard up, it was embarassing. Maybe she was going to try to sneak it back without you knowing as well.
When I DID get caught. My mother just calmly confronted me about it and being an adult I fessed up. They lent me some cash and told me not to be ashamed of needing any in the future cause it's better than them thinking I'm stealing from them.
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plcdude Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed May-07-08 03:48 PM
Response to Original message
7. Is this the first time?
Edited on Wed May-07-08 03:51 PM by plcdude
I think the important part is to find the real reasons or root causes for her deception. There is something going on with her that needs to be confronted before taking this issue outside of the family. The important thing is to re-establish trust with her so that she opens up and be prepared for anything.
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lost-in-nj Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed May-07-08 04:01 PM
Response to Original message
9. Is the gas and cig purchase on your statement to??
Not an excuse but maybe someone stole the number and your daughter had nothing to do with it... just an idea
Unless you have other reasons to suspect this....

I'm sorry


lost
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rsmith6621 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-08-08 10:57 AM
Response to Reply #9
15. No This Isn't it


My wife has verified that she gave her the card each of the times that a large amount was taken from two different locations.

....My bank is going to print ATM photos of that transaction to help us work through this situation.
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suninvited Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-08-08 11:05 AM
Response to Reply #15
17. It will be helpful to have the hard evidence
before you confront her, to avoid the "It wasn't me" scenario.
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IronLionZion Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed May-07-08 04:14 PM
Response to Original message
10. Try asking her if she did it.
There is the chance your debit info and pin# were stolen. See if the bank can tell you where the money was withdrawn from.

Change that pin number now and consider canceling that debit card and getting a new one.



Sometimes employees of legit businesses will steal your financial info. Someone at Comcast stole my credit card # because that is the only thing I use that card for. I had to cancel and get a new one. I was not liable for the charges. I'm sure it's different for a debit card. I think your money is gone.
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flvegan Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed May-07-08 04:44 PM
Response to Reply #10
13. This would be my choice for the correct answer.
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Shakespeare Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed May-07-08 04:54 PM
Response to Reply #10
14. If the two withdrawals happened the same 2 days she had the card, I think she's probably guilty.
You should change you PIN immediately, and don't ever lend her the card again (that's obvious). Require her to pay back what she took (even if it requires a payment plan), and if she balks, THEN remind her you can get law enforcement involved.

She's 24, so there's no excuse whatsoever for her actions. I'm sorry you're going through that.
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grasswire Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed May-07-08 04:19 PM
Response to Original message
11. what do you mean by "large"?
$20?

$1000?

Because getting an extra $20 means one thing. Getting $1000 could mean a gambling problem or something needing intervention.

And good Lord -- do you know what you're saying about getting law enforcement involved?????????? What possible, possible history could there be between you and the daughter that would let you think this was a good idea? Think very carefully here.
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Haole Girl Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed May-07-08 04:39 PM
Response to Original message
12. Drugs?
In my experience, hearing horror stories from parents who are my age, that is the primary reason. I sure hope I'm wrong.

Good luck with this situation. Hope it is resolved as quickly and painlessly as possible!! :hug:
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raccoon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-08-08 11:34 AM
Response to Reply #12
21. I was thinking that too, drugs or alcohol. nt
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Lex Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-08-08 11:04 AM
Response to Original message
16. Bizarre. I mean, she *knew* you'd find out when you checked
your account.

That's not even sneaky. That's in your face. Sorry to hear it.
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krispos42 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-08-08 11:09 AM
Response to Original message
18. Were there any unusual deposits that can't be accounted for?
Has she put the money back?
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Blue Diadem Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-08-08 11:24 AM
Response to Original message
19. Just discuss it with her.
Have an open discussion without anger. It sounds like something serious is going on in her life where she needs help.

I'd think she would have to feel pretty desperate to steal and not even think that you'd notice, unless there are drug problems or mental illness clouding her thinking.
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Flaxbee Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-08-08 11:30 AM
Response to Original message
20. please don't get law enforcement involved --

sounds like she needs help, and having a record is NOT going to do her any favors when it comes to trying to find work, etc. Don't make it harder than it is for her. Talk to her, try to figure out what's going on (if she was the one who took the $$, etc. - sounds like it probably was her, but you need to figure out why).
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Taverner Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-08-08 11:45 AM
Response to Reply #20
22. Second that
You need to be a refuge for her, even when she wrongs you
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grasswire Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-08-08 02:48 PM
Response to Reply #20
24. I agree
What would be the point in getting law enforcement involved?

The risk of anything happening again can be stopped by simply changing the PIN number on the account, or by closing the account if necessary.

If anything is to be handled such as a drug problem, gambling, shopaholic, whatever...those are not problems for law enforcement anyway.

A record of a complaint against her would only harm her.
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Javaman Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-08-08 02:27 PM
Response to Original message
23. First take her off your account and change the password.
Or speak to the bank pres and ask if you can change the account #.
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