The usual late night early morning sick, tired, short of money blues...

So I'm ranting and up - I'm just sooo sick and tired of this, and it's not going to end any time soon.

I just got paid today - well yesterday, and ran my budget and sent out the bills last night. It is already in the negative, yet again, for the second month running. I'm frikkin' middle class, a "professional" fer heaven's sake - around $50K a year, I should be making it!
Living frugally paycheck to paycheck - it's not working anymore. I'm not even expecting the "stimulus check" that's supposed to come to us on the 6th - we owed the feds close to $1K, possibly up to $16K if they take out all the outstanding Sallie Mae my husband owes because he's not be able to go back to school and they take all "tax debts" out of your stimulus return.

The cycle of bills piles up even faster, utilities - power and water - costs have gone up. We've pretty much cut what we can in usage. It's getting to the point of "going dark" hours. Everything is on a power strip, so we don't have the "vampire" drain, but it's still going up.
The lease is coming up at the end of the month, rent will go up $100 a month, which I have to save for now. $1700 a month now, for a small 2 bedroom in a poor to moderate income neighborhood. When we moved here 3 years ago, it was only $1350, and that was the cheapest we could find then with a dog. We can't save up the $3K or so it would cost us to move to a cheaper place in a gang-banger's neighborhood.
With two disabled people in the household, doctors need to be paid, the family needs meds, even more tests, even more visits - and we "make too much" for assistance. So we pay between $800 and $1200 a month on current and overdue medical bills, even with decent insurance.
The teenager decides to be vegetarian, the hubby only loses weight and stays healthy on low-carb, both diets require fresh food, not box stuff you find at the 99 cent stores. It now costs around $200 a payday just to provide fresh food.
The animals need food and care also. I can't think about getting rid of them, like getting rid of children. Shari, the dog, is old and slowly failing, and my old man cat, Moggy needs his thyroid meds, IV's and soft food to survive; if I were cold-hearted about it, I could just take him to the pound to have him put down, or I could let him go through a month or two without before his body fails and bury him next to his brother in the back while we are still living here. We can (and should) rehome the cockatiels, as they aren't getting the attention they need - that could save us around $20 a month.

The vehicle needs at least $500 more in repairs to be able to be registered (that's due in three weeks) and at least one tank of gas a month at now close to $100, and I've started using a bus pass to save fuel costs back and forth to work (used to have to fill up twice a month for that). Auto insurance is due.
Husband's store room near Dothan, Alabama, which his relatives have promised they'd go through and farm out the furniture amongst the family, storing the rest in a spare shed one of them has - for the past two years. That's $60 a month, and he has rare collectable items from when he was a DJ in there he can sell on ebay if he can get them here. Which would require around $3K to get a U-haul out here. I could let that lapse, but there's a good $5K (cheap sale) - $30K worth of stuff in there if we could get to it to sell it on e-bay.

We are hitting "overdraft" earlier and early now, first it was a day or two before payday, now it'll be almost a week before. We are now running around $300 short a payday, and trying to manage how the overdrafts hit to minimize the costs is a serious balancing act. I'm already paying cash for everything, it's just that - argh, there's always something coming up. With the kid, with the car, a doctor's visit, a vet's visit. No cushion left.

They tell you to "be responsible, pay your debts, suck it up" - how? What do we give up? (this is rhetorical, BTW) The teenager has mental and emotional problems from earlier abuse at her mother's, has been "this close" to being institutionalized, but is getting better through therapy - and is no where close to being able to get a work permit to help out with the family. Her therapist just went on his own private practice - he's no longer covered under our insurance, and it's now costing us an additional $20 a visit for her to see him out of pocket. She's also grown an inch over the last 6 months, needs shoes and clothes as nothing fits.
My husband is mobility disabled, on top of the medical bills that incurs, he makes less than minimum wage on an internet job that he can work at for about 3 hours a day - the days he can work, and collects SSDI - not enough to pay all his medical bills, just most of them.
I'm getting old and am not well myself; I am partially disabled due to old injuries, and I haven't gone to see a doctor in two years, because I don't want to incur yet another expense. I can't see myself being able to get another job; honestly, at this point, I don't know how single mothers do it. Probably like me, they put things off until the kids can take care of themselves.
I've got almost $7K in a 401K, 3 loans already on it due to medical emergancies over the last two years, so I can't take out another one to "catch up", and a $500K insurance policy. I can't declare bankruptcy, as all our outstanding bills are medical, and they aren't "that much" when you look at the overall scheme of things.

At 2 in the morning, money problems just eat me up. Inflation and two months of overdrafts are kicking my butt. I don't know how I can stop the cycle - one feeds the other.

I am $300 in the hole this paycheck, not counting the overdrafts that will come in, because I don't know how much the bank will be charging or if they will raise it again this month. I've already borrowed from my parents, he's already borrowed from his.

And it will only get worse. It feels as if there's a heavy boot on my neck, and someone is getting ready to pull the trigger. My job is only as secure as my clearance, and because everyone runs credit checks, that can be in trouble pretty soon if we can't catch up.

I am your disappearing hard-working middle class, being killed by rising medical costs and fuel inflation. Thank you, big corporate interests. I'm happy that because of "the bottom line" and "maximising profits" my next home is probably going to be a pallet and refrigerator box, and I will be losing weight on the "greenback-free" diet.

When the worst happens - perhaps as little as in a few months - we might be able to get enough money from the relatives and the sale of the vehicle to ship my disabled husband and his daughter to his mom's where he can continue working and getting his SSDI (and perhaps she can get a job)- and maybe clear out that store-room of his, and I could probably send the pets to my folks, move in with a co-worker or someone who's not too picky in roommates, and try to stay employed long enough to work off our medical debts and get a mobile home or something like to move us all back into in a couple years.

Haele

no details on my end. too much suckage for one forum is not good. :D :hug:

Hugs back to you, and I hope there's a light at the end of your tunnel that doesn't have an on-coming train.


:hug:


I just feel so drained, and I need a hug. We are lucky we have family that is still somewhat willing to help us out (though not this payday, :( ), which is more than most people in our situation has.
It's just that I don't feel any of us deserve this - especially since we so work hard for what we get to keep our families together.

Does anyone have the winning lottery ticket numbers for tonight? Sharing would be nice. I don't need all of them, just most of them... as it is, a $500 payout would be a goddess-send right now. :D

Haele