At the halfway point of Indiana Jones 4, I started documenting how much it sucked. Spoilers

I'm on the second half of the new Indiana Jones movie, and spoiler reviews are inside


I can't believe how bad this movie is getting. Each scene is worst than the next. Speilberg should disown this movie, and blame it all on Lucas. We'd all believe it. This movie stinks of Lucas.

I'm going to watch the next ten minutes, now. I shall be back..

Back

I can see the anger in Ford's face when he plays off his crappy lines to Shia LaBeouf,

Okay, I couldn't even make it through the next sequence without commenting. Screw you, Lucas! Your choice of music is so brainwashingly stupid it makes my head hurt. And no, that's not from the brainwashing? See? That respose was as predictable as what I've seen so far with this new Indiana Jones movie.

I'm cringing at the idea of what's coming next...

I couldn't make it through this next IJ scene without saying how much I hate it. The music is so jingoistic that it makes me think this movie is geared towards video games. I'd rather not have to face the fact that Steven (Schindler's List, Jaws, Saving Private Ryan) Speilberg still associates himself with this garbage.

*super spoiler - if you're reading this still, and beyond this point, I'm at the point where Jones has escaped the sand pit by way of snake, and made his way through an entirely implausible array of 5 foot circlular saws and other cutters of malcontent.


If you've seen the movie and are reading this, you're probably wondering where I mention the other plot line.

I'm not going to mention it. Okay, I'm going to bitch about it. I now hate this movie.

If this movie suddenly turned into a card game, it would lose every hand. But what separates it from most card losers who simply walk away from the table with their heads down and their wallets empty, this movie turns back around, walks right back up into your face and says "So. I got this nice ring you wanna buy."

And if you're like me, you reach down into your gut and you tell that you don't want any of that action, and it's cool that he's selling it, because everyone has to make a living, but you're done.


but I'll go on, for you. On with the show...

*double spoiler*

"Oh for love of God, Shut The Hell Up!" is what the Nazi in the truck says to Indy and Marion, or Marian, I don't care, and I agree. In fact, if I was playing the Nazi in this scene, I'd find a way to play an homage to the melting-faced Nazi in the first Raiders, just to remind this truckload of people what a good movie was like.

I hope this is the end of this special type of spoiler. I'm still not talking about that one obvious 64 million ton dino-gorilla in the room. I must pretend it does not exist.

Onward masochist soldier!

Did I mention the visible contempt Ford had towards his lines?

That's it then. Ij4 wins. It's the shittiest dialogue and story line ever. I'm at 1 hour 12 minutes out of 1 hour 55 minutes of a movie. I don't know if the credits are included, I haven't got that far yet.

If I wanted to watch Dr. Phil, I'd watch him. At this point I'm just sad that I told myself I'd see this through.

Okay. That line by Indy when he's leaving the truck through the new sunroof:

............................................______ __
....................................,.-‘”...................``~.,
.............................,.-”...................................“-.,
.........................,/...............................................”:,
.....................,?........................... ...........................,
.................../.................................................. .........,}
................./.................................................. ....,:`^`..}
.............../.................................................. .,:”........./
..............?.....__............................ .............:`.........../
............./__.(.....“~-,_..............................,:`........../
.........../(_....”~,_........“~,_....................,:`..... ..._/
..........{.._$;_......”=,_.......“-,_.......,.-~-,},.~”;/....}
...........((.....*~_.......”=-._......“;,,./`..../”............../
...,,,___.`~,......“~.,....................`..... }............../
............(....`=-,,.......`........................(......;_,,-”
............/.`~,......`-...................................../
.............`~.*-,.....................................|,./.....,__
,,_..........}.>-._...................................|........... ...`=~-,
.....`=~-,__......`,.................................
...................`=~-,,.,...............................
................................`:,,.............. .............`..............__
.....................................`=-,...................,%`>--==``
........................................_........ ..._,-%.......`




Oh look, they're outdoing the original Raiders truck chase scene. And going way overboard. Ahh yes, here comes the sword fight with Cate.

Btw Poor John Hurt. John boy! You know you were great in V for Vendetta!

Anyway...



Okay. we're hopefully mostly through the forest chase scene. We all know it's a slow version of the Endor speeder chases in Ep 6. There's also lightsaber-like swashbuckling. I really hate to admit that I got so bored with the obviously geared towards the game version fight scenes I started to focus on the non-player characters. And that's when I realized I was just watching a high-tech version of Star Wars: Rebel Assault!

All the damage the good guys are taking is repeatable. Driver takes enough damage, you crash. Indy takes enough damage, he dies, you lose, you might has well have crashed. And so on.

Ugh. Back to the movie



I didn't expect they'd do that thing with the monkeys, I expected more from Speilberg. I'm so terribly terribly wrong.

Ok. I'm so tired of this movie, I'm glad the evil person got away from that horrible death. She isn't half as evil of the producers of this movie. I'm glad she got away.

Back to the slog

Okay, now I want all of them to die. Yes, I'm talking about the tree escape.

All right. Three times it dropped, how much do I want to bet the tree escape was the first drop?

Okay, so I was wrong, I didn't think things could get so low, but they did. I lost the bet. It's so sad

At this point I'm only up for one reason: Breakfast down the road. Eggs, bacon, hash browns, toast. mmmmmm.. Oh, and the end of this movie, of course.

The dialogue continues to suck. Lucas is all over the place here. Steve, what happened?

Poor John Hurt!





Okay, that was a nice effect! Please continue on that level!

Cheeziest garbage ever

It certainly tied up traffic downtime royally last summer, what with store fronts being transformed into the 1950s and Harrison Ford doing his thing on Yale's Old Campus. But unfortunately I was stuck, like so many other New Haveners, in a massive traffic jam that lasted 2 hours at rush hour on a Friday afternoon...not fun.

So of course I gotta see it!

:rofl:

no, I haven't seen it

It didn't suck half as bad as I thought it was going to suck.

Loved the movie!! I will make sure to buy it for you as a Christmas gift! Maybe, if I'm lucky, they will put out a special "boxed" edition! You know, the kind with all the cut out scenes?? You will be the envy of all of DU! BWHAHAHAHA :rofl: Sorry dude, couldn't help myself!

glad i had no expectations for it. And i think the very end may have been a hat tip that there will be no more, i could be wrong but hopefully that's what that meant.

Off to dinner, i hope that's at least palatable.

I was actually gonna pay money to see that.

Extra points for the Picard ASCII art. I like pi'churs. I think I enjoyed that better than I would the movie.

Harrison Fords character ( Indiana Jones ) out to be a bumbling old codger..and tried to make Shia Le Bouef (sp)? to be this bad-ass James Dean kind of character ( I was thinking James Dean...what about you, DS1 )? The acting was HORRIBLE!!!!! I have to say that the brightest spot of this movie was bringing back Karen Allen as Marian....and we all remember Marian from Raiders. Even HER character looked lost with this picture....they ALL looked lost. There was hardly ANY action...this movie was very boring!.

people in the audience just made that "aaahhhhhhhnooooo" and his character was bumbling and pretty unlikable.

but it really seemed like a desperate character plot change to this personality....you cast Shia Le Beouf? That does not exude Marlon Brando or James Dean in any way...but hey, he's the next Indiana Jones so what does it matter? :sarcasm:

the hat thing, i think if it was going to continue Mutt would have put the hat on instead of Jr. snatiching it away.

No thanks. I think naming him Mutt, and filming it, was the stake through the heart of the franchise. Deliberate sabotage.

i really do think it's over and i think maybe Lucas needed some closure and the rest of them maybe wanted a big paycheck.

and arguments about it.

*yawn*

here, not that much...but seeing her face just brought me back to Raiders

Indy has a son he never knew about. Sheesh, how lame can the writers get? :eyes:

I mentioned.

Terrible.

if Mutt had simply been Marion's son by her late husband. For the kid to be Indy's long-lost son was just too corny.

I kinda forgot about the son thing while I was busy laughing at them.

the movie

corny as it might be

it was fun

fer chrissakes it's Indiana Jones!!!

:rofl:

But still, the first one was much better.

20 years ago

and a fresh story line

but hey, what the heck :shrug:

:hi:

I hope it doesn't suck half as bad as you make it out to. Most of the reviews that I've read have been positive. :toast:

You've been warned. Twice.

nods to the past are just in your face, a little subtlety, kind of a find the easter egg kind of thing would have gone a long way.

thanks... :eyes:

my 12 and 8 year old's reaction... Shia was hot! So, obviously you didn't get the point!

They weren't so kind to 'grandpa' Harrison...

but the escape sequence with the fridge just turned me off completely. That was the point of no return.

spaceship a la Erich von Daniken didn't...

I thought it was the second best of the series, but that isn't saying too much.

Indy has always been absurd... I guess I just didn't see much difference as my expectations were low to begin with...

No one is saying "Indiana Jones would be entirely believable if not for this film." Instead, we're complaining that this film is simply poorly constructed, with an empty characterizations and hollow writing. And that's before we even get to the stupidity of the plot.

The whole damn movie is immature in its construction and exetution, relying on generic whiz-bang special effects in hope that they'll make up for the overall vapidity of the film.

Raiders was thoughtful and engaging and, after a fashion, believable in a way that this film simply was not. The characters, the progression of action, and even the backstory had a more tangible "feel" to them than the slapdash nonsense of The Crystal Skull. The earlier sequels don't really thrill me, to be honest, but they're head and shoulders better than this one. It's as though Lucas, Spielberg, and Ford panicked after the achievement of the original and were then desperate to make the follow-ups as amazing, with no idea of how to do it. Instead of creating films about Indiana Jones and his exploits, they tried to make films in which the lead character was a caricature of the character. This betrays a real failure to understand their own creation, and the failure is crystalized in the fourth installment.

for the original... that may account for some of the difference.

For me, the Raiders of the Lost Ark was basically a campy film from my childhood... nothing more.

In that regard, I don't think the film fails.


However, it doesn't show much imagination...

Close Encounters?
Light Sabre, I mean sword fights...

I'm your father Luke... uh I mean Mutt.



Tarzan? :wtf: was that about?