I can't sleep. I don't get it.

I'm tired. I lay in bed, like normal, read for a bit, shut out the light. At first, all is good, I close my eyes and start slowly drifting off.

Suddenly, I'm inexplicably terrified. I'm convinced that there are noises, I just can't quite hear them. I open my eyes. I talk myself out of it. I close them. Repeat. I turn off the fan. Close my eyes. Same deal. So I just lay there, eyes open, feeling ok... and eventually my eyelids get heavy and close. And then I'm terrified, wide awake.

I finally just got up. I don't know what else I can do.

I don't even know why I'm posting this. Maybe just telling people how silly I'm being will knock some sense in to me.

They say if you can't fall asleep within twenty minutes or so that you should just get up and maybe read.

But I don't have any solution to your problem. I tend to have trouble not thinking about things so I usually count backwards by threes from 100.

what I was so friggin scared of

That's why I leave my computer on at night so that I don't have to hear my mom snore.

Just, suddenly when I close my eyes I go all hyper=paranoid and freak out and imagine things. It's so weird. I always have a fan going. the white noise and air movement are good, drown out babycrying from below and keep me cool. I just turned it off to convince myself that no, the fan wasn't making it hard to hear noises, there just ARE NONE. But my brain is like in overdrive or something.


blah blah blah :)

is there something on your mind?

That's mine...I made a small error and in my head it's sparking a full-blown panic attack, one that is completely irrational. Now even though I've convinced myself it's not a big deal...insomnia.

I haven't had a panic attack in a long time. Well... thats not true. I started a new medication that actually gave me wrenching panic attacks, but that was the pills.

I can't think of anything new that would be bothering me that wouldn't have done so before.

A few years back, there was a hellish situation, and I would get in bed, my mind would race, I'd be going crazy, sick with guilt and anger, going over every little word and nuance till I couldn't stand it. That was actually when my attacks started. Now i usually only get them if I have heart palpitations or something like that.

I can't believe I'm sharing this much with a stranger :)

I'd have all these board meetings and arguments in my mind when I tried to sleep. And ridiculous shit about "I should have said or done this or that", instead of what I said or did without having time to think about it.

Antidepressants and counseling helped me a LOT with that. But it's not for everyone.

This one, apparently, helps with nerve pain, which I have in abundance :)

You ought to seek medical advice on this.

Once, when I started a new medication, I'd have panic attacks that would last for hours, and I'd be too afraid to fall asleep because I was convinced I was having a heart attack, and I was too afraid to get out of bed, so I would lay there, alone, terrified. I stopped taking the medication.

Actually, the meds caused heart palpitations, which triggered panic attacks. Whatever. It's not an issue I normally have.

and went to be shortly after midnight, instead of my usual 2am... so I'm up at 4am. Hope I'll be this wide awake at 11 when I need to be!