I'm 37 and she is 22. Can This Work?

Without going into too much detail, I am 37 years old and I have met a girl who is 22 (23 in just a few months)who I am nuts about. I think she may feel the same way but am questioning if I should pursue this or not.She knows I am bisexual and appears to be cool with it but its the age difference that concerns me. I have dated both men and women younger than me but not this much younger. Still, a few people who know her and me say I should go for it and one even said we would be perfect together.I am just curious to hear what someone who does not know me would think. Is the age difference that bad? We do have a lot in common and have the same interests and seem to always have something to talk about. She is very attentive around me and flirts and smiles. I have always trusted women more and my female relationships have always been stronger than my male relationships. Is there anything I need to consider? I don't want to hurt her or get hurt.

Any thoughts? I am looking for serious responses. I hope I hve given enough information, but feel free to ask if I have not.

If you're right for each other, you're right for each other...if not, then not.

I'd be concerned about lack of similar experiences and touchstones, but if you're not...

Go for it and good luck.

Redstone

Won't remember political events, music, movies, dates in history, etc. etc. My mother was 18 and my father 26 when they married. I don't think they ever adjusted to that difference.

These May-December romances are great until they are consummated. Then the truth comes out. She is 15 years younger than you are. It's a sizeable difference. Even a five-year difference is notable. Sorry, but I've seen too many of these marriages ending up broken.

My aunt married my uncle -- ten years older than she is. She lost him when he was age 90 -- pretty decrepit physically, and she was still a spirited 80 year old. She said she would never have married someone so old if she had known what it would be like.

But, of course, you could die in your 40s and leave a young widow! Who the hell knows what's right?

:loveya:

first marriage for both of them and he's 13 years older. They've got two grown children who joke about how disgustingly in love their parents still are. It can work but, as with any relationship, there are so many other variables. I don't think age difference necessarily is an obstacle that cannot be overcome.

go for it.

But remember, in three years, you'll be 40, and she'll be 25...

She may not be interested in a long-term relationship.

I'm not saying a relationship is a bad idea, but I will say that the sex drive of the average 50 year old man might be a bit different than that of a 35 year old woman. Right now it is not a big deal and you guys can have a lot of fun together. If you are not sure where a relationship with her is headed (which at this point I doubt you are) then by all means spend some time with her and find out if you even LIKE her enough to worry about 13 years down the road.

If you are thinking long term--right now--you may want to take the age thing under advisement. If you both are in tune with the differences you will face over the long term then go for it.

Good luck!



Laura

No seriously.....bwahahahahahahahahaha!

No seriously....I was a 23 yearl old hottie once. By the time I was 25, I had a total change of philosophy. Then again at 28, then again at 30, then again at 38, etc.

But live for the moment and enjoy it while it lasts.

:hi:

RL

:evilgrin:

If you two are in a place in your lives that's close enough to each other that you can be together and have things in common, then it could work. If not, it won't.

you're bisexual because to me that implies you're still playing the field. I'd say the same thing if you were considering a young man and said it didn't bother him that you are bisexual. I'm romantic enough to think that when it comes to the one, you become omni-sexual. (that person-sexual?)

Just because I am bisexual it does not mean I play the field. It means I am attracted to both sexes. I have been both to know I work better in a relationship with a woman. Where for men its more sexual. I am at the age where I am looking for more in a relationship. Surprising, my bisexuality has never been an issue in any of my relationships. I think this girl because she is younger is more open minded. She is fully aware of my sexual orientation and it does seem to bother her.Of course, if I/we take that step I am sure it will come up and be discussed in more detail.

Unfortunately, the age difference, as in the difference in maturity and life experiences, proved to be a major source of distraction and conflict.

After some time, I felt more like a parent than a partner. And I am not interested or able to be intimate with a child.

YMMV

But, my experience says it's doubtful.

I dated a 19 year old when I was 27, and that eventually died because of the life experience gap between us.

Somewhere I heard of a dating/relationship rule of thumb; divide your age in half and add 7. That's the minimum age for dating someone younger than yourself.

Prove me wrong. Good luck.

my mom found the love of her life and married him 25 years ago.

She was 43 and he was 61

25 years later they are living about 5 miles from me.I can post some pics of them if you want.

your life then YES, it could work...same as anybody else in a committed relationship. Good Luck!

38 and 53. It's been great. But, I have five older sisters (up to 12 years older) so I was exposed to much more of my husband's 'culture' and can relate to many of his memories - so maybe it was easier for me.

22 is much younger, in a sense, than 29, though. I'd been through grad school, traveled a lot, and was ready to be in a longer term relationship. I knew what I wanted - a 22 year old might not. But then again, I've always been a late bloomer, and some people just know themselves better at a younger age.

(of course since men mature more slowly, he was probably more like 19 :evilgrin: )It can be akward at social gatherings of his friends sometimes, the wives tend to talk to me like I'm 12 (and we have been together for 14 years now). Cultural references can be a little hard to get on the same page with (He remembers watching the moon landing, I remember seeing Apollo 13)...

:evilgrin:

I don't have an answer for you.
Recently spent some time with someone who i think would be spectacular.
Problem is, similar age difference with my being older. Although i recently turned 55
i am consistantly seen as older(as recently as last night when i was asked if i had retired)
The novelty of having a woman who is consistantly mistaken for a daughter would only be fun for a while.
I have been told that i still need to grow up so perhaps there would be hope....

I do wish you luck. It would require understanding on both of your parts.
There will be obstacles and hopefully rewards that not be available to other couples.
The fear of getting or being hurt is quite the problem with any relationship.

how much more wealth and social status have you accumulated than her?

how much more education have you gotten in those last 15 years?

how much more maturity/wisdom and ability to manipulate? ( i am not saying that you are manipulative, just that we all are to a degree, and we get better as we get older)

how much more confidence do you have in comparison to her?


be aware of these things, because they matter

sorts of derogatory things, such as "cougar".

just saying...

There's a stigma placed on men dating much younger women even though its nearly the norm more than men and women of the same age dating. "Mid life crisis" accusations and so on. And "cougar" is only derogatory if you choose to interpret it that way.

he's just looking for a trophy wife.

Edit: No referring to the OP, just any guy who always wants some gal 15-20 years younger than he is.

:)

:shrug:

well they will be more threatened and it will be more than just ribbing.

But you know this already.

if you don't agree on that it can be a real sticking point.

My ex (and father of my children) was 10 years older than me and I'd say pay close attention to both what davsand and lionesspriyanka said. Just remember she may be all young, fresh, and accommodating now, but as she learns more about herself, she may be a little more clear about her preferences and long term wishes. Big changes happen when women turn 30. Just be aware of that and give her space to grow. It''s the lack of space to allow a younger partner to grow is more damaging than age in of itself.

My father and stepmother are nearly 18 years apart and they've been together for seventeen years. So, it can certainly work.

go for it

At 23 she has a lot less life experience.

We're coming up fast on anniversary #9. :)

Works for us.

:shrug:

RL

I keed I keed!

:rofl:

encouraging him to date younger girls as he mentally acts much younger.

I think we are a much in love now as then if not more.

I am encouraged now. She seems to be more laid back than I am but I think its just the way I feel about her. She is drop dead gorgeous and smart. We agree on SO MANY things. We have gone to movies and out to eat with friends and hinted just yesterday that we should ditch them and go out alone sometime. We both REALLY want to see WALL-E so, that might be our first official date. Thanks again for the advice and support!

See, that's the catch.





Oh. Wait a minute...

But go for it in the moment

22 and 37, too much difference in not age, but maturity, if it were 47 and 32, you might have a different dynamic, but it still is one that good money says wouldn't last in my opinion.

Enjoy it... while it lasts.

They are doing pretty well. It really has more to do with matching personalities.

Obscure Steely Dan line for those who might not know.

:D

Half your age plus 7
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Age_disparity_in_sexual_relationships

But emotional maturity is not always in synch with chronological age.

I am 35 years old and my last girlfriend was 23. When I was 23, I was in a relationship with a 32-year-old woman, and that relationship lasted more than 2 years.

if you don't mind, then it don't matter

And I'm serious about that being my serious answer.

I'd rather go for it and fail, than not try and spend my life wondering "what if?".

to have a larger age gap than in the traditional straight community. My partner is 10 1/2 years older (we have been together 6 years). We have a friend that is 29, his partner is 54 and they have been together 6 years as well. It can work if its what both if you want - which is true of any relationship no matter the age difference.

if you are looking to explore the possibilities of a relationship? hell yes, that could work. the age difference is not that great, if that is your question. if the question is about the bi issue, and the only reason i bring that up is because you felt the need to, then that is a different question that i cannot address. i have no experience there.


just know...

"I don't want to hurt her or get hurt."

you cannot play the game of love if you have that rule as a condition. hurt will happen. guaranteed. now, how you deal with the hurt is the definition of relationship and love.

just my opionion. just my experience. love is a battlefield. who you are, who she/he is, how you deal with that whole funny thing about what love/hurt is will be the definition of "can this work"...

in other words, there is no answer. do it. don't do it. your call.

good luck, bud. i wish you the best...

no. He was born the year I graduated HS. I don't get the pop culture references (I was raising Lelapin...) and I realized I need a contemporary. (Pop culture was just an example...we were from different generations) When I'm 65, he'd be 49. There's a mid-life crisis waiting to happen. I needed to be with someone who understood life as someone in his forties. Understood the issues with kids, aging and more importantly, similar interests. The guy I was seeing and I quickly ran out of things to talk about...

But, most contemporaries are interested in women much younger and I'm not willing to go too many years in the other direction, so I'm planning on being alone.

You'll never know until you try...

All the best.

LG

every now and then something age-related comes up, but it's not an issue with us at all, probably because we communicate well, and because we each try to respect each other's individual lives as well as our relationship, which are things any relationship needs to consider.

I will say this as advice: expect that she will likely go through some changes, as almost all of us do/did/will, and try to consider that you've had more experiences in life so far, so don't be judgmental if she wants to explore some new aspect of her life as it comes up, and be sure to let her know that as well.

Good luck.

Now she's 25 and I'm 43. The age difference hasn't been a problem, YMMV.

And B) If you had a kid together when she is 25 you would be 58 when he/she graduated High School :rofl:



GOBAMA!

My ex-wife was much younger than me when we met (not 15 years, but slightly over half that...)

However, I had had very little in the way of relationship experience when we met, and also little sexual experience. Despite her age, she had been involved with several guys through high school & college. So, our problems were pretty obvious looking back - I was immature when it came to relationships, and she was just immature about things outside the bedroom (like living on a budget, helping with the housework...). Otherwise, our personalities were a pretty good match and we had a pretty good amount of things in common, though not everything.

So, I would look at things beyond this year and next. Are you planning on living together? You probably have more experience than her at that, so how do you think she'd handle that? Will finances be a problem - has she had to live on a budget before (if you need to do that)? Can you see yourself with her when you're 50 and she is 35? A lot of problems with long-term relationships/marriages are due to finances as well, so I would make sure both of you are okay in that department.

If you're looking to settle down, my guess is that the 22 year-old isn't ready.

So, whether or not this is going to work depends on whether or not the two of you want the same things....

but you know, there are lots of 30+ women out there looking for a man their own age. For them, watching the available 30-something men hook up w/ 20-somethings is a nightmare.