I started a thread in GD and now I need love

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=389&topic_id=3651559&mesg_id=3651559


I should have known better - next time I will post in code

you didn't deserve any of that negativity found in that thread.

nothing (that i saw) that you wrote, impacted me as unfeeling or mean or whathaveyou.

children (i don't have any), are a big deal, and i think it's great that you and your SO have seriously talked about child rearing and having children. i don't think that happens enough.

i also have issues with whether i want a child. i grew up in a family that has been part of a huge cycle of abuse for a few generations, and let me tell you my biggest fear:

that i do to my kid(s) what my parents did to me.

i want to be the best mom i can be (and it seems that you feel the same way), and, imho, you are taking this 110% seriously.


:hug:

i think one can have the experience of raising a child (or at least close to it), w.o having one.

for example:

my mom and myself switched roles, ie i was the parent figure, i took care of her.

babysitting (while this isn't really that great of a comparison, it still provides great experience)

taking care of nephews, cousins, little sisters/brothers, pets, grandmas grandpas...etc


does that make sense? i mean , i really don't know if this is a valid statement, so feel free to disagree.

You really have to at someone who loftily claims that "having children is the key to understanding what life is all about."

I mean, I don't know whether to :rofl: , :cry: or simply :eyes:



I think I'll :rofl:

And I have 3 kids. :P

I could start one that said, "How many of you have had kids and shouldn't have"-- A category I fall into, although it worked out fine in the end. You should hear the stories my kids tell. Mom of the year I wasn't, young, immature, and selfish. I figured out what I was doing about the time I ended up with step kids, thank goodness.

So I was deprived of the benefits of their wisdom.

MPK

it could have been a lot worse! Only one person went off the deep end.

I really respect people who withstand the societal pressure to have children. I love my kids and I worry so much about their future on this deteriorating planet.

I deliberately pointed out the language used by psycho-parent-poster. :mad: I ignored the first post but by the second one I just. could. not. resist. the urge to reach out and deck her. Oh sorry, did I say that out loud?

I'm sorry I derailed your thread.

there is such a double standard:
If you are childfree you are "missing something" and should be miserable and not happy about it

and unfortunately if you are a parent you are fulfilled (whether you know it or not) and should be happy and never regret it

The reality is much more complex... I was so touched by how many made the decision not to have kids because of that feeling of "brokenness" that comes from having a crappy childhood.


you didnt derail nuffin... it was already well on its way

It was a very thought provoking thread as a lot of people shared their views on an extremely polarizing issue. I think for the most part everyone handled the subject quite respectfully. Truth be told, in an area of personal preference that intense, if you DON'T get flamed a time or two, you probably didn't word the OP correctly!:)

I felt it was a very honest and sincere post, and showed no animosity or condescension to the opposing viewpoint. Nicely done.

who doesn't share your view but doesn't worry about whether or not you have kids. Peace. :)

seriously.. the world needs parents esp loving ones...
peace back at ya
:hug: