What the hell to do when you're betrayed by someone close to you and you can't tell them you know???

I found out something today that I'm not really supposed to know about, but i'm feeling hurt, betrayed, disappointed and, now and then, a teensy bit furious. Problem is, if I let them know that I know, I leave the door open for more betrayal AND I'd tip my hand and lose my edge in this fucked up situation I'm in with my ex. So, wtf would you do if you were in my shoes???

We'll talk...

And, x(

and :hug:

b/c that can be a tricky one.

I guess it just depends on the situation. I'm not one for keeping upset feelings bottled up inside, so it might be better to come clean and express what's really going on for you.

I wish you all the best and I'm sorry you're having to deal with this betrayal. That sucks. :hug:

He posts on a board that he doesn't think I know about.

I'd sure be tempted...

The one who betrayed me isn't the one posting there. That would be the ex and I have no desire to interact with him at all.

Then run off before they new it was me.

And I don't really have the desire to punch anyone at the moment :shrug:

I learned the hard way, games really aren't worth playing.

Bibaby and I talked via pm and I'm going to just confront my brother straight up. It just sucks and it hurts to think my own brother is doing and saying the things that he is, ya know?

Btw, good to see you again :hug:

Beyond that, I wouldn't give the person any opportunity to add to the betrayal until considerable time had passed.

It truly stinks to be betrayed by someone you trust.

I have a protective order in place for the next year, til July 25, 2008 at 11:59 p.m. to be exact. As for the betrayal, I'm just going to confront him and have it all out in the open. I really don't see a way around that at this point.

When they call you out, then tell them you knew all along about their nasty little dealings.

but it sometimes puts you in the wrong and leaves the original betrayer looking like the victim. I speak from experience. I guess it goes back to 'two wrongs don't make a right'. With some people there is no way to win when it comes to mind games and such.

My sister told me the other day that my ex lies and says what people want him to say, so it is easy for him to play the victim. While I always tell the truth and speak my mind, so it is easy for him to make me the villian. She is so right.

BAM!

"kid, don't take no fuckin' shit."

don't ever take any shit, from any one.

even go far as to make a list of pros and cons (visuals help sometimes), and then take it from there before I emotionally reacted in a way I could regret, especially if there was a risk of transferring power into their hands.

:hug:

There's no need to let them know. Just concentrate on healing yourself. Trust your instincts as far as future dealings with this person are concerned; but don't seek revenge...that will only perpetuate the ill feelings you have toward them. Instead, spend more time with those who are worthy of your trust.

I can only guess what you're getting at, but it sounds like you need to keep your knowledge secret so that you can win something bigger. So just swallow it, as long as you have to. As for how to handle it, think of what you win, and realize that's the best justice you can get.

I can say I learned something a couple years ago about one of the people closest in my life that upsets me to this day. It was something that happened when I was a teenager, and it irrevocably changed my life, and I never understood what had happened until I learned this. And I can't talk to the other people involved. One is dead, and that's a good thing. The other is someone who would just be hurt, and even though they were guilty of something bad, I don't want that. So I'll never tell anyone. In some ways, just knowing I've made that choice makes me okay with it.

That's the best I've got, sorry. Good luck.

This coming from someone who HAS to forgive in order to survive the effects produced by unforgiveness.

Whatever "edge" you think you have, if it's not for something that could be a concrete gain of a physical asset, WALK.

Because you leave no details, all I can do is project and guess. If confronting someone who wronged you means you'd be making the situation worse, and not better, chances are that person is on some level a psycho and a ticking timb bomb to be around.

WALK away from poison.

nor gratifying, not in the long run. My mantra is always take the high road, which has served me well.

Do indeed talk this through, and I sincerely hope that there will be a positive outcome. If not, forgive, and move on.

Just my two cents!

:hug:

Here was (is, and always will be) my situation:

A former girlfriend of mine used to call me regularly. I didn't hate her. Things just didn't work out. But she was fun to talk to. That's what I liked about her in the first place. Anyway, one day out of the blue she decides to unburden herself of a secret she'd been keeping from me. It seems just before she and I got together, she had been sleeping with my brother. I proceded to inform her that we were now through...don't call me, don't talk to me, if you see me on the street, look the other way. We're done. She was confused and a little bit mad. "It was before we were ever together" she said. "Yes," I responded. "But it wasn't your secret to tell me. It was my brother's secret, and he had kept it well for years. And now, thanks to you, it's MY secret." I've cleaned up the language a bit and made myself sound way cooler than I actually was, but that was the gist of it.

My brother and I have lived together our whole lives. And with the economy the way it is, I don't see that chenging anytime soon. Hell at 47 and 40, we may live together the rest of our days...lol! Together along with our dad, we've raised one little girl who's now in college, and we may end up getting his 13 yr old daughter very soon. Raising little girls is hard work, but we make a good tag-team. It's a weird situation and a weird life.

Anyway, I don't think about my ex much anymore, or the secret that she dropped on me. But sometimes I do. I've never told him that I know, and I never will. But it eats tiny little bits of me every now and again.

I know my situation is quite specific. But my point is this: A lot of times when you tell a secret, it's not just one person's secret. I urge you to consider any other people who might be impacted by your letting the cat out of the bag. I'm not telling you not to do it. Do what you gotta do.

Good luck.