(WARNING!!!!!.) This thread contains questions about suicide (WARNING!!!!!.)

Say you have a friend, lets call him Harry. Harry is manipulative, depressed and doesn't really have too much money. Harry says he really need to go on vacation and is going to ask his parents for money. So you casually ask why would your parents pay for your vacation (just because you know, your own parent wouldn't unless it was a graduation gift or something like that)

So Harry says if they don't pay, he might kill himself and he has been thinking about it. He says this VERY casually and in passing.

So how concerned would you be? What would you do?

If it were my friend, I think I'd have to open a dialogue as to whether he's REALLY serious about this or if he's just being a manipulative brat (not in those words, obviously).

Does he see a counselor or therapist already? Could you call said therapist (even anonymously) and fill them in on this behavior, as a concerned friend?

office.

Now I will be the first to say that there are many suicides who do not tell anyone what they want to do. I kind of think they are the most seriously intended, and the ones who talk about it often want to be discouraged from it; maybe enough of their grip on reality remains to make them see that they need all the help they can get to resist doing it.

No indication of self destruction that even sounds remotely serious should be blown off.

I sure hope the guy gets help.

My dad didn't

I am sorry to hear about your Dad (I inferred that he has committed suicide).

You are right as regards to those that talk about it a lot as compared to those that don't and actually do it. Great advice, it's not an easy thing to try to prevent in any case.

My love and best wishes to you.

I am now 3 years older than he was when he died.

I have benefited well from Survivors groups of which there are two major ones nationally. One is run through local Mental Health Associations, and is called Survivors of Suicide or SOS and the other is called
Suicide Survivors and is connected with suicide Hotlines, in larger cities.

I do not know how national in scope it is but it is very active in the FtW/Dallas area.

I admire you for your ability to get through this. I could never imagine my Dad committing suicide, but it does run in the family. I have had some predecessors also kill themselves, though they were before my time and before modern counselling.

I just can't express how much I would like to send you some positive vibes (I am at a loss for words here).

Everyone that knows me, considers me as the like the cheerful person, but there are times when I would just like to fall asleep and never wake up. I keep it to myself and just move on and try to get myself out of the ditch, so to speak.

XXXOOO

forged an amazing alliance during the very difficult time surrounding his death, and have remained even closer than we were before he died. That helped a lot, let me tell you.

It takes a lot of time. Lots. A lot of talking . Lots.

The Survivors Groups are awesome because you are in a room full of other people who have experienced this type of loss and you know they all know what you are dealing with: the double whammy of the loss itself and the method of the loss.

Some people get through the death first then the other drops in and for others it is dealing with the circumstances first and then much later the actual grieving for the person can begin.
Takes longer for different people, too. There is no timeline here.

You never really get Over It, but you do Get Better.:grouphug: :loveya:

He might just be a spoiled brat, but then again, he might be seriously unhinged. I just don't want to see Prianka feeling responsible if he actually does do the deed. It sucks when someone places the burden on others. I never thought suidcide was a very considerate act, but if it is to be done, it should be done in such a way as to not inconvenience others as much as possible (that probably doesn't make sense--sorry).

Always take threats of suicide extremely seriously. Ask him if he has come up with a plan. If he has, give him suicide crisis phone numbers. Offer to accompany him to his physicians office to discuss his feelings or to the emergency room. Personally, i would talk to his parents. I wish my son had told someone he was suicidal and if he had that they would have told me so I could at least tried to do something.
Good luck with this

thanks for the advice

and that makes you a Top Notch Friend, in my book.

I have never had children, so my only experience is with friends committing suicide. I have had a lot of friends do that. I give you my best wishes and love. There is just no way from what I can see, that anyone could prevent those who really just want out.

When I was going through some very dark times, I often thought of doing the same, and the only thing that prevented me from it was the thought of my family having to deal with it. But one cannot live for others, unless they are extraordinarily selfless, like Gandhi, or someone like that.

We are born alone, and often die alone, too.

I think that you are very courageous and have a lot to offer--maybe even saving this guy's life. I am glad that you were able to overcome your grief and give some good advice.

XXXXOOOO

you can contact the police. If a person threatens suicide, they need to get help. If they admit to the police that they did make the threat, the police will see to it that the person gets that help.

If the friend is unwilling to seek help.

Best not to call it to the attention of the authorities unless things look really drastic. But you realistically can't sit by his side 24/7 either. Good luck, hunny!

often the police can resolve the situation by giving the person an option. Either they get the help they need or they get arrested and get the help they need. From what I have seen, most people pick the first option.

suicidal person to the hospital without arresting them in most states. It's not a crime to be suicidal.

group of parents whose children have suicided. I have yet to read one good outcome of getting the police involved

police are less than sensitive to gay people of color.

Sub-thread removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

go to this web-site: www.afsp.org
Tons of good information there

Forget about any potential manipulation...suicidal individuals are not thinking correctly anyway, so what we view as manipulation could quite possibly be a cry for help.

Better to err on the side of getting Harry some help.

Good luck Pri.

take threats of suicide seriously. We learned that the hard way with my FIL. He always said he would. We didn't believe him and he did.

...

Whether or not he might go through with it is not something that you want to find out! I have known people that have talked suicide and not done it, but also those that did. I have also been on the depressed side of things years ago (and still now, don't always keep my happy face on at times) and know that it is only a matter of getting really low and not seeing the way out of the tunnel, so to speak.

He does sound like a spoiled person, though, if he expects his parents to pay for his vacation and then makes such drastic threats. It's a bit extreme. My guess is if someone really wants to die, they will do it no matter what, and you should not feel responsible in any way. You can only do so much. So please, please!! Don't ever think if he does really kill himself that it is your fault.

My parents bailed me out many times over the years back when my life was falling apart and otherwise. But I never ever made them finance a vacation. It was always necessities. But maybe your friend needs a vacation to rethink his life? I don't really know what you could do to help him, except get him into some sort of counseling (which I am not sure really works).

I wish you the best of luck, and also wished that I could be of more help. Life ain't easy, and there is no cure, really!

XXXOOO
Jo-lee

I think there are other people here that are better suited to give advice, so I apologize for my "yammering"!

I wish you the best of luck, and think that it is really wonderful that "Harry" has such a great friend that is concerned for his welfare.

Life ain't easy --especially under this administration--which I will not go into because that would be another diatribe.

Just remember that you are a great friend to him, and that you are not responsible for his actions!

XXXOOO
Jo-lee

Be looking for a pm, okay? :hug:

i was really thinking of mrsgrumpy as i put up the warnings

i apologize if i ruined your day :(

I just meant that your concerns really hit home for me. I'll be in touch. :)

kind of thing, or an actual threat?

LP" why do you think your parents will pay?"

HARRY " if they dont i am going to kil myself, i have been thinking about it"

LP " ok..why"

HARRY "lets go.. we are late for blah blah blah"

like he's being manipulative, or that he's been thinking about it. I don't know enough about him to say which. I'd get him some sort of help.

but human beings are unpredictable

And if he was fucking around or trying to manipulate, the annoyance of being committed will teach him not to fuck around like that.
He could also view the committing as a brief vacation from normal life, kind of like a spa vacation.
It's win-win.

no matter what...even if it seems to be used as a manipulation...its a very serious thing to say and should not be looked over.

:hug:

and might really kill himself


take it seriously

he needs to be seeing someone professionally, and if he won't, then he should be court ordered to do so, or into a hospital. He will either from that experience learn that he needs help, or that he shouldn't cry wolf if that is what he is doing.

At any rate, it should always be taken seriously

to let you understand the reality of his pain? He needs help.

Earlier in my life I suffered from bouts of severe depression, but I never seriously entertained killing myself. I figured by brother-in-law was going through the same thing and would eventually get his act together. I naively assumed that would happen over time. I wish I had some meaningful advice for you, but I can't really think of anything. He killed himself 9 years ago and I am still confused and angry about the whole situation.

Best of health for the both of you.

couldnt have been easy

suicidal once, and the one overwhelming factor was his lack of emotion. So depressed, there was no emotion left. He was hospitalized for a week, changed his meds, then fine. He has suffered from deep depressions many times, but that was the absolute worst. Frightening to see.

reason he might choose to end his life?

Suicidal ideation should always be taken seriously. Is he on psych meds? Is he seeing a psychiatrist or a psychotherapist? Someone who casually mentions that they are considering suicide needs to be evaluated by an MD ASAP. I am going to go out on a limb here and guess that he is about your age? Maybe a little younger? If that is the case, he could be suffering from new onset schizophrenia, which could be what is causing him so much pain. If he's not, well, then I'm completely wrong.

You are welcome to PM me about this. Depending on what state he is in, you might be able to get his family to agree to involuntary commitment and have him evaluated. Here, unfortunately, the ill person has to agree to commitment if they are over 14, but I know when I was practicing in CT, a family member could ask for commitment of 2 weeks and get it without any problem at all. They had a much stronger better safe than sorry policy.

I'm sorry you are going through this, pri.