This is not a request for legal advice--just for legal information.

At least I *hope* it isn't considered legal advice. I'm really not sure how that line gets drawn.

Background: OktoberKid's Dad ran out on me when I was still pregnant, after inheriting a large amount of money. He skipped the country and is now living somewhere near Adelaide, Australia, and has never acknowledged OktoberKid--in fact, when OktoberKid was born, he lied to his friends and family members and told them that I was a whore, the baby wasn't his, blah blah blah. All lies to save his own ass, of course. I have no means to pursue him across national borders, and frankly, I have no real desire to now. I waited eight years, just in case he changed his mind and decided to man up, because I think all kids should know their fathers if possible. I have come to the conclusion, though, that he's never going to change his mind. So be it. He's proven himself to be a malicious and selfish asshole, and I'd prefer that he be as far away from us as possible.

I am now considering the idea of second-parent adoption--OktoberKid is my biological and legal child, but ThinkBlue1966 and I have been together since before he was born, and she is as much a parent to him as I am. It seems right to go ahead and make that relationship legal. However, our state (West Virginia) is listed on all of the websites as "unclear on second-parent adoption," so we're not sure how it's going to work.

I'm just wondering how to start this process along. I don't know if we have to terminate Eric's paternal/parental rights, or if they don't exist because he's never been his father in a legal sense, etc. I don't want to screw up, and I can't afford a lawyer on my own, so I'm kinda hoping that this will be something that an extremely smart person can accomplish without one--or maybe that the ACLU will sit up and take notice when we get rolling and offer some help, as there has never been another second-parent adoption case for a lesbian couple in this state that I know of. It looks like we might be breaking some new ground in the civil liberties battle.

The bottom line is that Eric doesn't want OktoberKid, and ThinkBlue1966 very much DOES. OktoberKid has a chance to have two legal parents (he already has two acting parents, and always has), and I'd like to see it happen. I just need to know how to start.

Any info about where to start/who to contact would be very much appreciated. Thanks in advance, and wish us luck!

Sounds to me like the most important part of the process is already where it should be. I cannot assist in legal matters but am posting to wish you all the best of luck!

but does your school offer student legal assistance? if it does, that might be a good place to start.

good luck with this

it's only for criminal matters. I don't think they'd be much help with something like this, and neither would Legal Aid. This isn't considered a "necessary" legal service, unfortunately.

One of my fellow grad students got a custody/child support agreement written up and filed with them, and they helped me with some ex-spouse problems about a year and a half ago. They also keep a humongous list of local attorneys who will work with college students either at reduced rates or pro bono.

At the very least they can give you some general info.

Go. Ask. They are nice.

:hug:

and we had to terminate parental rights. I'd be willing to help you out if you are willing.


On edit: We started by contacting a family practice attorney and from there sent a letter to his last known address. There was a (I think) 6 week waiting period. I know, here in Michigan, you can also advertise in a well known paper for that period of time. After that it was assumed reasonable contact had been made and his rights were severed without further need to attempt a contact. It was relatively inexpensive and the best thing I have ever done. My husband was incredible in how much he loved and wanted her.

And thank you. :hug:

I would seriously consider, if you haven't already, have something drawn up that would make TB1966 his legal guardian should anything (God forbid) happen to you. I think adoption/parent laws vary widely state by state, so I have nothing else to really help you with.

We are fortunate enough that my family 100% accepts and loves ThinkBlue, and my Mom considers her another daughter (my Dad is dead.) I've openly talked to my family about what should be done with OK if anything ever happened to me, and they all know my vehement wishes are for him to remain with the only other parent that he's ever known--even if it means that ThinkBlue moves away with him. I told my Mom and siblings flat-out that if they took Boo away from ThinkBlue, it would destroy him, and I would hate them from beyond the grave. All of them 100% agreed with me--but still. We need the paperwork just in case.

I'm hoping we can get this adoption thing rolling so that the paperwork is no longer necessary, though.

Check out nolo.com. Software to do your own wills etc MUCH cheaper than a lawyer (where lots of stuff they use is boilerplate anyway). They've been around for at least 20 years, completely legal in every state except Lousisiana. We did our will that way, and saved $200 over what a lawyer would charge.

Power of attorney, and they have a family law section as well.

Good luck!

In case you're out of town and ThinkBlue isn't, or something along those lines. I know Ruby's more laid-back about relationships than a lot of hospitals, but in case something terrible happened and you weren't accessible it would make serious medical decision-making a lot quicker.

in four or five years...The mom hasn't seen him since he was 1 1/2 years old
..no visits, no phone calls, no letters, no presents....nothing.

He is now 6 years old and his daddy is in a year long relationship
with a kind woman who cares about this little guy.

Time will tell, but I would love to have my grandson have this
pretty lady and her loving family be a part of my son and grandson's heritage.

The Tikkis

The best course of action would be to contact an attorney, law school, or free legal advice line and ask where to start. Every state differs and it's really important to do everything precisely. Otherwise, you might have to start again or get into a situation you don't want to be in.

He may or may not even be the legal father. There are a bunch of presumptions and procedures that might apply, but it depends on the specifics of your case and your state's law. (Also, if you've ever received public assistance, the state might object to disestablish paternity or try to establish paternity, because they'll want to seek reimbursement from the legal father). It's probably not something to worry about, but adoption could also cut your child out of certain inheritance rights from the biological father's side, if he's very rich.

We still receive it--Food Stamps and Medicaid now, and TANF for a little while after he was first born (when I was still recovering from the c-section and the subsequent infection I developed, and couldn't work.)

In both states that I've lived in with OktoberKid (Virginia and West Virginia) you were required to go to the Bureau of Child Support Enforcement and register whenever you got public assistance. They're supposed to help with establishing paternity. Unfortunately, they flat-out told me that there's nothing they can do since he lives in Australia and is out of their reach. The last time I went, they said that if paternity were *already* established, they could enforce a child support order overseas there, but not a DNA test. It would be the ultimate bullshit if the state throws a wrench into this when they've already said that there's nothing they can do to establish paternity. Grrr.

But thank you for the heads-up. I have no idea about free legal advice lines, the law school wasn't much help, Legal Aid won't take it, and I can't afford an attorney, so I'm basically trying to wing this on my own smarts. Wish me luck! I suspect I might need it. And thank you again.

No advice here, sweetie...

Just all my very best wishes for a happy and secure outcome for all three of you!

:grouphug:

Make sure you find someplace that's familiar with stepparent adoption. They should be able to at least tell you where to get started.

Is there a state organization of GLBT families, or just an umbrella GLBT rights organization? Normally I'd assume so, but since you're in WV I'll ask. They might be able to point you to a friendly lawyer or somebody else who's gone through that process and knows the current precedents, which judges to see and which to avoid at all costs, etc.