Have you ever known or had to deal with a narcissist personality?

Fortunately, I have only encountered someone like that a few times. But in each case it was someone I had no choice but to deal with, either at work, or among a social circle of friends.

And believe me, people like that can cause a lot of pressure and stress for everyone around them.

One example is a guy I used to work with. He had everyone "trained" that no one dare cross him, or there would be hell to pay. And people would go along with him because they were afraid of the consequences if they didn't. He was a supervisor, thus held power over other employees heads.

I stayed away from him as much as possible, but he did manage to burn me once. My feeling was just to keep my mouth shut and exercise the patience for him to shoot himself in the foot. I KNEW that he would eventually cross the wrong person at the wrong time and get his ass handed to him on a platter. And that did happen, with no interference on my part.

:)

I guess the reason I am thinking about this tonight is that I have recently been involved, indirectly, with another person like this. And she is MUCH WORSE than the guy I mentioned before.

I suppose since I am a lot older now, set in my ways, and just plain stubborn now, that I have butt heads with her since the day I met her a couple years ago. I have had to pay consequences more than once for standing up to her, but I'll be goddamned if I will put up with her bullying or threatening me. OMG, the LAST thing a narcissist bully wants is for someone to stand up to them, or otherwise challenge that overgrown poisonous ego of theirs. Needless to say, I have always been on her shit list.

As one might predict, she finally crossed the wrong people at the wrong time. Her behavior over the last month has been appalling. And at times pretty desperate and pitiful, not to mention illegal. I think it is pretty sad in some sense. It doesn't take a very sharp dart to puncture such a poisonous ego.

Fortunately, my only involvement was indirectly as a witness. And I am not even sure she remembers I was there.

The moral of the story is that everything goes full circle, eventually. And it requires no interference. They do it to themselves.


Here's a simple definition:

narcissism

1. self-love; vanity.
2. Psychoanalysis. erotic gratification derived from admiration of one's own physical or mental attributes, being a normal condition at the infantile level of personality development.

narcist

—Synonyms 1. self-centeredness, smugness, egocentrism.

But I'm getting better because I'm working on it.

they suck.

:)

not in public forum. It is not really very funny for me.

For me it was my mom, so it's taken me YEARS to overcome the kind of emotional shit she put me through. On bad days, it's still there.

:hug:

:hug:


:hi:

My mom ... and it never really gets better unless I completely stop talking to her.

He treated everybody as his personal whipping post.
He decided to join the army.
I told him (on the day he left)..

"Carl..I was in the service...I want you to take these words to heart..You're going in the service and probably to Iraq.
..If you treat people in your unit the way you've treated people in this company you're going to
absolutely, positively get a bullet in the back one lonely night (on patrol) when your comrades are tired, irritable or just plain sick and tired of your bullshit...You can COUNT on it."

a supervisor, but she got fired. Thankfully for me!

I think most of these personalities end up as our President, also.


:)

:hi:

Narcissists and sociopaths share many of the same personality traits.

I am the survivor of marriage to a pathological narcissist. I hope you do know that there are garden variety narcissists, and then there are those who have Narcissistic Personality Disorder, which is pathological and is diagnosed by a psychologist or psychiatrist.

I suggest you look up the diagnostic criteria for NPD. NPD-ers will suck your soul dry and ruin you. I was the victim of emotional battering and it took many years to recover. I'm still afraid of him although I don't have to deal with him much anymore.

I am so sorry you had to go through that. I cannot even imagine the horror of having to deal with this woman in a relationship basis.

BTW, you seem to be very knowledgeable on the topic. Do you think people like that are able to change their ways? This lady is in her late 50's, and I honestly doubt it.

Also, did you find lying a major part of your experience with your ex? This lady I refer to lies about things that are obvious lies. Like she could say something with a dozen witnesses, and then insist she never said it. Or, more recently, incite a major scene in public with several witnesses; major shouting, screaming, and nasty name calling, and then deny it ever happened. This just totally baffles me and others.

There really is no "cure" -- and they resist therapy. An NPD-er may modify behavior in order to keep from being exposed, or in order to hang on to a relationship that is giving him/her some of what is called "narcissistic supply" -- the flattering feedback that they crave. But the danger is always there. They are manipulative and cruel and without empathy for others. And they try to destroy those who expose them.

Rather than say that they lie without remorse or realization, I would say that NPD-ers are extremely deceitful and manipulative, but they are supremely afraid of exposure. A big scene with yelling and screaming risks exposure of their pathology. It could happen, though.

http://www.halcyon.com/jmashmun/npd/dsm-iv.html

I think you should go and read this page.

It looks alot like pathological narcissism but is even more toxic and destructive.

And then the belligerence, lies, denial, screaming matched, threats, etc.

I'm just really glad I don't have to deal with her. She is making a few other lives miserable though.

1000 evangelical christian undergraduates. How could I not?

Was an interesting one in the dorms one year. He had a fetish for Banana Hammocks. Thought it was his duty to covert us all to wearing them.

although there are certainly varying degrees of pathology. A lot of the people who have it are charming, good looking, and successful. And they are totally in love with themselves.

:spank:

He had two categories of people in his mind: Heroes on a Pedestal and Utter Shitsticks to Abuse at Will. (He got a lot of this from a profound and thorough misunderstanding of Hunter S. Thompson.)

When he wanted me, I was category A and when he didn't, I was category B.

He was the star of a B-movie action flick in his mind, and everyone else was either a side character who "got it" and helped The Hero, or a villain who didn't and therefore could be blamed for everything that went wrong in his life.

Oh yeah, and he never shut up.

My mind was blown when I realized I had known him for 7 years, and he did. not. know. me. AT ALL. At no point in our interaction, whether we were friends, lovers, or enemies, did he ever pay enough attention to me to have a fucking clue who I am and what I'm about. (That's their weakness, I found. They think they know other people. If you're under their spell, they might even convince you for a while. but they don't, because they're fundamentally incapable of really *knowing* anyone else.)

they honestly believe the world revolves around them.

Thus, that total meltdown when that huge poisonous ego gets punctured. What I am seeing lately is pretty fuckin' sad and pathetic.

Sounds like you are rid of him; I hope so.

For a good, looooong time. It's hard to tear myself away.



Oh Lord it's hard to be humble
when you're perfect in every way.
I can't wait to look in the mirror
cause I get better loking each day.

To know me is to love me
I must be a hell of a man.
Oh Lord it's hard to be humble
but I'm doing the best that I can.

I used to have a girlfriend
but she just couldn't compete
with all of these love starved women
who keep clamoring at my feet.

Well I prob'ly could find me another
but I guess they're all in awe of me.
Who cares, I never get lonesome
cause I treasure my own company.

Oh Lord it's hard to be humble
when you're perfect in every way,
I can't wait to look in the mirror
cause I get better looking each day
To know me is to love me
I must be a hell of a man.
Oh Lord it's hard to be humble
but I'm doing the best that I can.

I guess you could say I'm a loner,
a cowboy outlaw tough and proud.
I could have lots of friends if I want to
but then I wouldn't stand out from the crowd.

Some folks say that I'm egotistical.
Hell, I don't even know what that means.
I guess it has something to do with the way that I
fill out my skin tight blue jeans.

Oh Lord it's hard to be humble
when you're perfect in every way,
I can't wait to look in the mirror
cause I get better looking each day
To know me is to love me
I must be a hell of a man.
Oh Lord it's hard to be humble
but I'm doing the best that I can.
We're doing the best that we can

:)

And you've got half of my family. Really scary household to grow up in - the alcoholics were the reasonable ones. At least you could predict what they'd do when they went on a bender.

One was a cousin who I grew up with, more of a garden-variety narcissist. He had delusions of grandeur, among other things. I've seen him only a couple times in the last 20 years. Am I glad to be out of his orbit.

The other was at a former workplace. He was a full-blown NPD case, quite obviously mentally bent. He wasn't a supervisor, but he was a senior member of staff and thus carried some weight in the office. Unfortunately, this was a company that didn't fire employees (long story). After I left that job, it took me a couple of years to get over the rage I had at having to deal with him. Now, he's just a pathetic character in my past.

I love me some me.

I am working with one right now who is also prone to violent outbursts, but have learned to distance myself and watch him like a really bad movie. Thank the lord he is inept at his job and is pissing off the board members, he won't be there too much longer.

A long time ago, I lived with one for about 5 years and after all that time, he never knew I was left handed. For some reason that is what stuck out in my mind, that someone can be such a dipshit as to not realize their girlfriend is left handed for 5 years. I mean... DAYUM!

When I think about these people, I really do equate them with dementors.

I've seen narcissists at work, quite literally, and they do tend to sap one's spirit.

And then there's the whole question of empathy. For years I dealt with someone whose self-absorption was paired with a distressing indifference to others' emotions, needs, and/or outright suffering.

Anyway, here are the characteristics of a narcissistic personality disorder, courtesy of the Mayo Clinic site:

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/narcissistic-personality-disorder/DS00652

Believing that you're better than others
Fantasizing about power, success and attractiveness
Exaggerating your achievements or talents
Expecting constant praise and admiration
Believing that you're special
Failing to recognize other people's emotions and feelings
Expecting others to go along with your ideas and plans
Taking advantage of others
Expressing disdain for those you feel are inferior
Being jealous of others
Believing that others are jealous of you
Trouble keeping healthy relationships
Setting unrealistic goals
Being easily hurt and rejected
Having a fragile self-esteem
Appearing as tough-minded or unemotional

...these are not the DSM diagnostic criteria. They are useful and will help lay people understand the issue, but are not the actual criteria.

who made our lives hell. I think she was really after him--romantically. She stole our mail from our mailbox, she stole his license plate from his car, when we moved from the state she got our home phone number (silly me thinking we could have it listed)and called 115 times the day my mother died and hubby
happened to be back in the other state and she was trying to get hold of him. I called the local police
who came to our house and told her to stop calling and she just kept it up. I had to screen every call--waiting for family to contact me about my mother's death in yet another state and I had to make plans to go be with my father (who had dementia) and my brother was out of the country at the time.

Talk about a nightmare.

She eventually filed a malpractice suit against hubby and promised she would ruin him. She came damn
close. And she was able to come close because of her ability to manipulate people. She could
seem as normal as anybody one minute and be a demented, mean, completely self-obsessed nutcase
the next.

My advice (and hubby's) is to stay as far away from borderlines or NPD as possible.

"They can destroy a country by just walking through it."

After rehashing our relationship, I now realize stbe exhibits both narcissistic and antisocial characteristics.

Many years ago, I was dumped because I couldn't provide the continuous adoration that Gentleman Friend required, especially not after being with him for two years.

He then embarked on a series of relationships that he would end when Real Life intruded on the romantic fantasy.

I refer to her as Martyr Girl since she once went to our boss complaining that I didn't help her with something she never asked for help with. Unfortunately our boss was also an enjoyer of victim hood so I had no recourse, and MG was the only one who didn't dread dealing with our boss. I think the main problem was I was a threat to her status- our other coworker in our group is perfectly happy to screw around on the internet instead of doing/learning new things like I am. Every time I approached a new door I was figuratively getting kicked in the gut before I could grab he doorknob.

Highlights:

- I sent an email making a suggestion which she rephrased and sent out to a larger number of people. If it's a good idea it can only come from her.

- Yelled at me in front of other people I had labeled a bunch of things wrong. I asked her about it later, remembering a case where she had made labels for that same project that were incorrect that I discarded, and mysteriously she hadn't looked into weather the ones I made were actually wrong. That would require admitting she made a mistake.

- Instead of telling me I was doing something incorrectly from the normal procedure that the group followed (I didn't receive much information from the other 2 that were like a high school clique even when directly asking) she would send out 4 paragraph emails copying our boss detailing the correct way. I honestly think she had an orgasm every time she hit send.

I was close to looking before I found out she was leaving because she was truly insufferable. The next time I do look for a different job if I find out she works there I will run like hell from the interview. It's SO MUCH better now and I have many more opportunities since she's gone.

ETA- I think one of the reasons she left is that our boss is probably on her way out and none of the other people we might report to would put up with her behavior and she knew it.

My Father is the calssic case. Control everything, his way is the only way, selfish....

Seriously, my life has been a living hell because of this man and My Mother's passiveness. Now that they are getting to the end, it is even harder and harder to deal with.

I challenged him about the way I thought he was running a project, and from that moment on, it seemed to be his mission to get me fired. Fortunately for me, he wasn't in my direct line of supervisors, and I had been around long enough that my opinion was respected, so my manager protected me from his criticism. After about a year, others finally saw through his veneer and he was reassigned and the project overhauled and finally successful, not in small part due to my interference. So, the moral of this story is that sometimes interference DOES speed things along, but it's a risk.

....who honestly believes that the entire universe revolves around him.

One of these days, I am going to put a touch activated speaker on my chair so that when he shakes it to tell me something I couldn't care less about it will blast Olberman screaming "SHUT. THE. HELL. UP!"

The one I have now is driving me crazy. I swear, these people forget that they were ever teachers. The power goes to their heads and they seem to enjoy nit-picking and ordering everyone around. I truly do not know how I am going to get through this school year, having to see this person every day.

I try to keep my head down and not to cross her path. I would never, never go to her with a problem. I basically hide out and hope I don't run into her. I absolutely cannot stand her.

Do some searching, and you can find a few of the complaints I've made about her.

Christ al-bloody-mighty, if Dad wanted someone with a creative streak, there were plenty of other women available!

I am sorry you had to go through that.:pals:

I don't even have to deal with this woman. My friends and I have come to the realization that she doesn't even remember I was there the night she got fired, and subsequently stormed back to cause the scene that resulted in the Police threatening to arrest her.

After 5 or 6 weeks now, she is STILL on the warpath. I think it is pretty damned pathetic.

Long story short - I'm way too nice. I could have gotten this guy fired from his job for sure, and possibly arrested, but I just felt sorry for the poor, friendless S.O.B. - I figured that I couldn't really ever wish something worse on him than he'd manage to make for himself. Still, I regret just letting things drop. It bothers me to this day.

Now, I should mention that it wasn't until years later that I read about narcissistic personality disorder, but when I did all I could think about was this fucking asshole, and it made a lot more sense.

The narcissist I knew loved himself more than anybody and didn't care what they did to anyone as long as they got their way. Who knows how many people they will end-up hurting... unless by some miracle they ever change. :-(

In June I was told I am dealing with PTSD as a result of the abuse I endured at his hands. I still have panic attacks and other physical symptoms, especially at night or when I am in my workplace. I still live in fear of him in spite of the fact that he is no longer employed there.

Literally, we all went to work for a time with police in attendance because of the threats he'd made and the level of threat they thought he posed. I had a knife broken off in a tire, my officemate had somebody bring a cement block to his house and heave it thru the patio doors at 3 am, and our departmental car was vandalized twice in a 48 hour period.

We speculated at the time that he was NPD, but to be honest the level of threat he posed makes it an unlikely diagnosis. Usually the NPD folks are a bit more devious than this guy was. Frankly, I think he's probably just a garden variety sociopath with all the attendant risks.

He's been voted to be a person most likely to be involved in a murder suicide and I honestly think it could be possible. He is fucking nuts and I think he's capable of damn near anything.

I'm sorry you are dealing with all of this,Lil Missy. I want to urge you to be sure and take care of yourself because if you are the target of abuse in the workplace you really can suffer long term after affects like PTSD.



Laura

We've butt heads many times in the past because I would NOT put up with her bullying me.

But this was something new with other people, where she finally stepped on the wrong toes at the wrong time, and got her ass handed to her for it.

And honestly, after she got fired she came back in such a delusional rage that she did not even recall that several customers were there and witnessed it. That was 4-6 weeks ago, and she was counting on it being her word against the owners.

She has recently recalled, or maybe someone advised her, there were several witnesses. She doesn't recall I was one of them, though. :) She also "forgot" to mention she was escorted out by the Police. Hmmmm.

I think she is getting fuckin' nuts and possibly dangerous too, and not so sure I care to be around there anymore.

Narcissists don't always get their just desserts.

I've seen some near-pathological ones be highly successful in the corporate world, leaving a wasteland behind them, and never paying for it. It can be very dangerous to stand up to them, and most don't dare.

The only thing I can say is when thinking of the term, the good die young..this person is still alive.

and occasionally deal with narcissism, but it's pretty rare. I think I've seen that diagnosis only 3 or 4 times in 10 years. My wife sometimes makes the argument that I'm narcissistic, and I'm fine with discussing it since we're talking about ME. :bounce:

....he was my manager.

He could not STAND that I was the top salesperson and set out to get rid of me.
He won.

The day I was fired, it was like a great weight had been lifted off my shoulders.
I am eating healthier, and have lost 10 pounds.

With all this free time, I am thinking of going to Obama's Campaign Center here
and volunteering for the phones. There is just an issue with the local gas shortage
and I have yet to get an unemployment check. Money is a tad tight now.

Any day now, though.

Things are looking good.

they were to know her. She would honestly ask me "do you know how lucky you are to have me in your life"? She wasn't really IN my life, we were just coworkers! She always talked about how gorgeous and interesting and intelligent she was. It went way beyond "healthy" self esteem. Sometimes I thought it was overcompensation, but other times she really seemed to believe what she was saying. She absolutely never paid any real attention to anybody else. When she lit up a joint in my car in the middle of the day at a busy intersection (in Florida-where that gets you jail time) I asked her to wait to smoke it until she hgot home. She told me to lighten up and just get over it. If she took any notice of anyone else at all it was to put them down. Needless to say, I was glad to get away from her when I finally did leave the studio!.

Pretty clear rules with me. I won't risk arrest or jail time for ANYONE!

Someone I am supposed to vote for, but won't.

Unfortunately the workplace is full of them.


If you haven't already, google "workplace bullying"---may find some helpful suggestions.


My best to you!

In my personal life, my family is littered with disorderd individuals. And in my love life, sadly, yes, I have dealt with one narcissist and one really bad, sociopathic individual.

If that which doesn't kill you makes you stronger, then I am able to lift thousand-pound weights.

(Narcissists AREN'T rare, they just don't get treatment because they don't see anything wrong with themselves.)