AARGH!! I am having HUGE roommate problems.

I honestly think my roommate needs psychiatric treatment:

• 
  She makes decisions and then gets angry at me. (Example: she reuses dryer sheets, and keeps them in the dryer for her convenience. She never told me this is something she does, so when I find dryer sheets in my dried clothes--I don't use those sheets--I threw them away, assuming they had been left in behind by accident when she dried something before I did. They were so used they were in shreds. A couple days later, on my day off, she stands outside my bedroom and demands I return her used dryer sheets, she needs them!!!1!!11!! :crazy: This fit woke me out of a sound sleep, and you know, it's never pleasant being awoken by a screaming pissed off person. Later when I talked to her about it, she laughed.)
  
  
• She is incredibly self-absorbed. About 3 weeks ago, I was nursing my best and only real friend here in Denver who was dying of cancer, one night I came home and started crying with the realization my friend was really going to die soon. Roommate was very sympathetic, gave me a hug and cooked me dinner. The next day I was crying about it to my counselor over the phone in the living room, and when I got off the phone, roommate asked me to not talk about my dying friend anymore because if made her upset, since she also has a friend with cancer. I stopped talking about my friend, even when she died a week later; roommate continued to tell me how worried she was for her friend.
  
  
• Here's another one: she doesn't like to watch tv when anyone else is in the room:crazy:, so she asked me last week if she could have the tv room to herself. I said no problem, I don't watch a lot of tv anyway since I'm always on DU, and I started staying in my room on nights when she was home. (She's a waitress and works nights.) And it really wasn't a problem for me, until yesterday fight when she complained she has to keep me entertained when she comes home from work. Now I'm pissed, because I've never asked her to entertain me and I should feel welcome to be in any damn room in my home any damn time I want to be there (except her bedroom, of course) .



Well, yesterday took the cake. I got back form my friend's memorial service and roommate was in the shower. I changed my clothes and sat down to log into DU. She got out of the shower and came into the tv room where I was sitting to have a serious talk with me about how she doesn't feel like she's living in her home any more because my artwork is on all the walls. (I have a large art collection.) But when I was decorating, I asked if she had any artwork she wanted to put up specifically because I didn't want her to feel like I took the place over. She said she had a few pieces in her room but she wanted to keep them in her room so she could have her "own space." Now she's angry at me because she wants to put it up in our shared space.

Well, I lost it and started yelling at her, because how self-centered do you have to be to pick a fight with someone who's just come from their best friend's funeral? She started yelling back and suddenly picked up a heavy glass vase with flowers and water and threw it across the room at me, shattering it against the wall. This was our landlord's vase that she had left for us to use. Then she came sweeping by me and--so help me God--I reached out to bitch-slap her out of her hysterics and into her right mind. She immediately threatened to call the police on me and have me arrested for assault. (Mind you, the cops have come to our house twice since I've lived here because she had such yelling fits in the backyard with a neighbor over that person's dog barking, plus when she was living with her ex, she was actually arrested because she was so violent during one of their fights.) But she didn't call the cops. She called our landlord to tattle on me. I left, taking my dog with me, and called a friend, sobbing with anger. She invited me and Bear over to her place, and after a while she suggested I go home and pack an overnight bag and sleep at her house last night.

I went home (roommate was at work) and couldn't get in the front door because she had put the burglar latch on it, and she did the same thing with the back door. She knows I use these doors--they've never had those locks on them before when I was out of the house. I called my landlord to get the code to get in the garage (of course I didn't remember it since I never use the garage), and while the landlord was on the I walked into the living room and roommate had taken all my artwork down from the walls, including a 5'x3' canvas, and large Mexican mirrors, and put them in my storage room. She damaged one of the pieces. I told my landlord what she had done and even my landlord was like, "WTF?!"

So now my landlord is coming over to mediate with us (like that's her job, poor woman), but I am seriously scared to live here now. I mean, if roommate gets so enraged she'll shatter our landlord's property, what's to stop her from smashing my $2000 table lamp or slashing one of my paintings? I am really freaking out--she seemed so nice and normal the first two months I was here (well, except for the 8 am neighborly screamfests), but now I truly believe she is psychotic.

It doesn't help that she wakes and bakes every day with the strongest weed I've ever smoked. (And that's saying a lot since I was a high end dealer in my wild and woolly youth.) She smokes large bowls all through the day, and even before she goes to work. I never believed in marijuana psychosis until I moved to Colorado and met a couple people who had gone around the bend constantly smoking this potent ganja. I really think this woman has it. 

So I'm not sure what's going to happen when we sit down with the landlord tonight, but I'm sure roommate will be the calm, composed person I lived with the first two months I was here. She can fake normality really well. But I'm pissed and I'm scared. I don't want to move again. (I've moved 7 times in 7 years, whole different long story.) I love this house, and it's a great place for my dog. Plus I still have 9 months to go on my lease. My roommate's lease is up in December, but she's lived here for 3 years and the landlord is inclined to let her renew the lease. 

I don't expect any of you to solve this freakazoid problem for me, but I really needed to vent before she gets home and the landlord comes over (in about 2.5 hours). My stomach is in knots. Anyway, thanks for listening to my rant. I'm so glad you all are here to keep me sane.
:grouphug:

Sorry you're having problems with her.

And I'm sorry about the loss of your friend. :hug:

I'm hoping to post a memorial thread to her tonight--she was THE most inspiring activist I ever met, and in the top ten I've ever even heard of, up there with MLK, Mother Jones, Caesar Chavez and Susan B. Anthony in my eyes. She could speak truth to power most humbly and thus was listened to. Amazing!

Sorry you're going through this. Hopefully (assuming you can afford it) roomie will be outta there in December if not sooner.

I have an "in" with a grad school housing office and I can probably get an intelligent, sane roommate who's working on a Masters or Ph.D. in social work, international studies, or ministry. I was thinking about telling the landlord my roommate's dog hasn't had his rabies shots and isn't licensed, which is illegal in Denver, so that would make my landlord liable if roommate's dog bit someone on the property. But I don't want roommate to take revenge in some way on my dog when I'm at work, so I'm kinda scared to go there. :scared:

if my landlord will let me out of my lease. Unfortunately, a new place will need first, last and security, plus the cost of moving, plus my lease says I'm liable for an additional month's rent if I break the lease. So that sucks for a person only working 15 hours a week. :(

and you can't even get into the house, could you not try to get out of your lease?

But the burglar latches had never been latched before, so she was just being an asshole but knew I could get in eventually. But I'm going to mention it again when my landlord comes, along with the whole "I can't watch tv with anyone else in the room" bs to get me out of the tv room. BTW, she has a tv in her bedroom with full cable. I don't know why, if it's so important to watch tv alone, she can't go in there. She is nuttier than a squirrel!

Try to talk your landlord into getting you out of the lease, especially if your landlord plans to lease the house to your roommate again.

she is taking out her external stress on you.. the more stress she has the more you will suffer..

no roomie is worth it

It's just going to cost a lot of money to move again: first, last, security, penalty for breaking my lease, moving van... Like I have an extra $2,000 lying around! (I bring home about 1000 a month, so really not in financial shape to do this.)

hugs.

:hug:

I remember someone picking a fight with my dad on the day of his father's funeral.

I recommend taking photos of anything she has damaged and anything she does damage, and put your most valuable things away in storage that she doesn't have access to. I think you might win a small claims case against her, for what it's worth, for the remaining amount you owe on your lease given that she's damaging your belongings and locking you out. (disclaimer - I'm not a lawyer, but I have used small claims court in the past)

Doesn't matter how perfect the physical space is ... if it comes with a person who creates tension and makes you feel unsafe and unwelcome, it's not a loss to leave it.

:hug:

Of course the first thing I did while she called our landlord was take a photo of the smashed vase, which was shattered on the wall behind the couch, so there's glass all over the couch. Then I took some photos of other things that bug me about her: she leaves her dirty laundry all over the laundry room (I noticed she cleaned that up before the landlord comes over), she leaves her hair in the tub (ugh!!), and stakes out territory on the couch by using her bed blankets. By unspoken agreement we don't use each others bed linens and blankets. Not that I would use hers anyway since her dog regularly pees on her bed. :puke:

I'm also thinking about getting a couple padlocks for my bedroom door and my storage room's door. I think the landlord will agree to that.

Thanks again, my friend. :hug:

Seriously. That sounds an awful lot like the one absolutely dreadful room mate experience I had which ended with some of my stuff either being stolen or thrown out, and getting voice mails threatening me and trying to black mail me to get money. Get the fuck out. You should probably have called the police yourself when she starting throwing things at you, but you can still do it now - tell them that you don't feel safe in that house with her. Since she has a history of this, they're more likely to believe you. You should also file a civil suit regarding your artwork that she damaged.

I know that this seems extreme, but it's now how I feel. I deeply wish I had done these kind of things when I had the chance. People shouldn't be able to get away with this kind of shit. I'm sure that money is probably tight and that you don't want to lose a security deposit, etc., but your mental well being and physical safety do not have a price. Get out now.

If you stay and she has to move out, there is no telling what you she may do. But if you are able to get your landlord to agree to break your lease, then go. As inconvenient as it may be - get out now before you get hurt!

I have no idea what psycho-girl's ETA is. But now there's more to the story--there's blood all over the house! No doubt she cut herself cleaning up the vase, but that was before she took down my artwork because there's blood all over that, too. That says to me she was far more concerned about "getting" me than taking care of herself. I'm going to tell the landlord I fear for my safety and the security of my property, and want to break my lease. We'll see what she has to say; hopefully she'll be okay with that.

Thanks for your kind words. :hug:

I think you need to call the police as well. This does not sound good. You can make sure that the police are always present any time that you're at the house removing your things, if they won't take this woman away for her own good.

I hope you make plans to get clear and safe NOW.

:hug:

Landlord just came by, but roommate not home from work yet. Landlord is even more :wtf: now that she's seen the house. Both will be here in another 1/2 hour, it sure will be interesting. In a car wreck kind of way.

Hmm...could you call the cops/DEA and have her picked up for possession? They even might be able to stick her with "intent to sell," given the amount of pot you're claiming she has. I hate to suggest getting someone hauled up on charges over a victimless crime, but since you don't have the finances to move, you can't prove anything against her, and she sounds unsafe to live with...

her weed every few days out of her tips, so she never has much more than a 1/2 ounce. In Denver you can possess up to an ounce legally (well, decriminalized). So no go there. :( Thankfully, the landlord sees this all as kind of psycho. Told me roommate called her and said she was so scared of me, I assaulted her. (I have a Masters in Peace Studies. I'm soooooo aggressive! :rofl:) Said it sounded like I came home from the funeral and launched myself at roommate. Then roommate's story changed to, "she was yelling and I was so scared and shaking I threw a vase at her!" Again, landlord was like, "WTF? You threw a vase at her but you're calling me to say she assaulted you? WTF?" Landlord is also a clean freak and was really disgusted by the blood everywhere. Landlord not happy to hear cops have been called on roommate multiple times for disturbing the peace with her ear-splitting neighborhood-wide verbal abuse of neighbors. I think roommate will be in for a rude awakening when she gets home.
:evilgrin:

Good Luck. :hug:

I'm working on it. :hug:

there are other roommates out there. so sorry for your loss, you don't need the added stress of your roommate, best cut the ties.

sorry to hear it but we all seem to have to learn from bitter experience instead of the wisdom of our elders that...roommates are just never a good idea even if they seem normal "at first"

if you don't have a strong sexual or family tie to the roommate, something to put you on the same "team" to make the relationship work out, it just can't -- the roommate w. the more sociopathic tendencies pretty much always ends up ripping off and/or using the less sociopath roommate

pretty sure darwin published the first science behind this so it isn't really secret information

good luck to you, don't know what else to say

i'd rather sell my blood than take in a roommate

your situation is particularly bad because this sociopath is going to beat you or get your arrested or at some point probably both if you don't find a way to get her happy ass evicted

if you ever take in another roommate for crap's sake at least put something in the ad to say "drug free smoke free" etc. even if it isn't totally true try to make your house sound kind of frumpy and dramafree -- it cuts down on at least SOME of fuckwittery

this is my first non-family roommate situation, at the age of 44. So imo you're never too old to be optimistic about what might be. :hi:

Life is too short for that many headaches. :hug:

she sounds like she really needs help. If any of my housemates in the past had thrown anything at me, I would probably have moved out ASAP. IT's not worth it to wait if someone has serious anger and or mental health problems, IMHO and their anger and lack of self-control makes you feel like you don't want to live their anymore or puts you in danger.


:hug:

or someone who you REALLY know.

and I have some pretty annoying roommates with annoying habits

She sounds unhinged