Would anyone like to help me with some advice?

Quick summary: I have an illness that has gotten progressively worse over the last several years and my doctor recommended that I apply for Social Security disability. I did, and got denied. Well, now, after almost three years of appeals, I found out Tuesday that I won my case. It's good news for the direction of my life and I'm happy about it.

During this time I had grown dependent upon my parents for support and to give them credit they did tons for me. It turns out that along with my monthly SS check and Medicare, I will also get a lump sum -- 27 months' worth of back-pay.

The problem: As is common with SS disability I have to appoint a payee. Other than my dad there is really no one I can get to do this. I foresee a future of further dependence in asking for my own money because it will go to him, not me. Further problem: Aside from the fact that my parents have been supportive, there is a controlling "I know best" to go along with it.

The advice I'm looking for: How to diplomatically approach them and tell them that it is vitally important to me that I have some of my independence back and that I do not want to feel like I am "groveling" for money (I won't use that word with them)...when I want some of my own money.

Should I just put it like that? What's a good way to go about this, so as not to create a rift and also not to appear ungrateful, etc.

Thanks for any help. I hope I explained this clearly. If anyone responds. :)

Pardon if this sounds insensitive, but I honestly don't know. Are you considered so disabled as to not be able to handle your affairs?

I was told by my attorney that it is fairly common, and that in the judge's ruling, he recommended it.

The exact wording of my diagnosis: "Major depression with panic disorder"

No bipolar, psychosis or anything like that, which would automatically demand a payee I would think, so I'm a little confused about it as well. However...the judge's ruling is what I'm dealing with. I'm just grateful for the favorable ruling.

I think I remember a friend of mine in social work doing that for some of her clients but I may be misremembering. Good luck to you and I hope the retirement will benefit your health. :hug:

Now, as to your parents. Perhaps you could arrange to have them set up an account that would automatically give you sufficient funds every month?

That would preserve your independence, and supply you with money without having to ask for it.

And it would satisfy the letter of the law.

Just my two cents!

Good luck to you...

:hi:

It would give you an allowance every month to use.

I'm listed on two family member's papers because they KNOW I'll do what's best without any feelings getting in the way.

My dad knows I'll pull the plug while my bro is a wuss and would not do what he would want.

who could serve as payee while supporting your independence? This is a fairly common arrangement and would get your folks out of that role.

I used to, but not anymore. I qualified for a case manager through something called "Vocational Rehabilitation" a few years ago, but that has run its course. And there are major state cutbacks in that dept. Surprise!

I don't know but it's an idea. I'm thinking long term here - since you're "disabled" (I hate that word) there might be a point that you would still outlive your parents. If your parents are the payees and they pass away, what happens then? A trust that someone is appointed to manage (which could well be your dad) wouldn't pass away - it could be wound up but wouldn't die like a human being.

What does your lawyer suggest?

IIRC, the OP can be set up as the primary trustee, with successor trustees gaining control of the trust in the event of certain pre-specified conditions.

Trust agreements can be written with a considerable number of controls and limitations.


(I'm not a lawyer nor a licensed financial representative, so consult with someone authorized to advise you on these matters before you do anything.)


And good luck to you!

It will be specific as to performance, and that should circumvent any need to "grovel". Just know what you want/need going into it.

Could be $75 could be $500. If all parties are amicable and just looking to set up a structured Trust, it's very easy (for the attorney) and therefore should be relatively inexpensive. Know what you want and need. A solid Trust in this case is like insurance for you. I think you'll find it worth every dime, reasonably spent. It's what I would do.

I am a lawyer but don't play one on TV. :D

This guy needs a fiduciary to handle his affairs, if he cannot designate himself as payee.

I wanted to be/was going to be a lawyer, so getting that feedback from an attorney is very nice, thanks.

that you are able to handle your benefits in your best interest, ask the Social Security Administration to make you your own payee. If your disability does make you incapable of handling your own benefits, it is still necessary for SSA to have a medical opinion stating that you are incapable of handling your benefits. The Administrative Law Judge's say so is not sufficient, unless such medical opinion is already in your Social Security records.

If a payee is appointed, your benefits must be used by the payee on your behalf for your necessary expenses. If you came to believe that your benefits are being misused, notify SSA, and they will investigate.