What I would like

I have noticed that most people believe in something called "chemistry". As far as I can tell, it seems to be one form excitement. Romantic fiction is filled with it.

My problem is that I don't really believe in it. It's my problem because when I meet people who believe in it, they find it lacking in me and that is usually the end of it.

I believe in love, but I believe that it is a far more down-to-earth thing than most people realise. People naturally understand other kinds of love; friendship, parental love, et cetera, but they think that romantic love is something exalted and apart from this. I do not. I believe that love is the principle of attachment, and though it comes in many different flavours or moods, the underlying principle is the same in all cases.

For me, a loving relationship is based on friendship, and if it is enhanced by some feelings of sexual attraction then so much the better. But the friendship is the rock on which it stands, and the thing that will make it endure. It does not happen immediately - I do not really believe in love at first sight - but it grows naturally as does the acquaintance.

If I ever find my soul mate, it will be someone who thinks the same way, who lets the friendship grow as we find out more and more about each other, and grow increasingly fond of each other. I do not mean that sexual attraction is unimportant to me. Quite the contrary. I know from experience that I will not have sex with someone I do not feel attraction for. So for me it must be there, although I understand that alone it is not the basis of an enduring relationship.

It seems to me that I am asking much. Probably too much. But I live in hope, for without hope there is nothing else.

There was no reason for telling you this, except perhaps simply to articulate my desire as if that were in some way requisite for the thing to come about. Please forgive me if you found this frivolous and unneccessary, and I thank you for reading this far.