Read it and weep: romantic-comedies are ruining our society

All I can tell you is I knew it!

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/film/3796540/Have-Hollywoods-romantic-comedies-stolen-our-hearts.html

So it's not the pressure of the credit crunch; it's not halitosis, infidelity or the repeated failure to load the dishwasher that are going to do for your relationship. It's watching Notting Hill.

The latest research from the wonderfully named Family and Personal Relationships Laboratory at Heriot-Watt University in Edinburgh suggests that romantic comedies such as You've Got Mail and Runaway Bride give people "unrealistic expectations" of relationships. Fans of such films, it claims, fail to communicate with their partners.

"Marriage counsellors often see couples who believe that sex should always be perfect, and if someone is meant to be with you then they will know what you want without you needing to communicate it," explains Dr Bjarne Holmes, who conducted the research. "While most of us know that the idea of a perfect relationship is unrealistic, some are still more influenced by media portrayals than we realise."

...

Too bad they didn't do a study on how much damage Kevin Costner and Julia Roberts have done individually.

Also:
The study observes that 100 student volunteers watching Serendipity, a rom-com about fate and destiny, were more likely afterwards "to believe in fate and destiny". The other 100 were given a David Lynch drama to watch. It does not record whether they subsequently flinched at the sight of Dennis Hopper.

Awesome.

I remember the fucknutstorm that was 4 Weddings and a Funeral and my girlfriend for that week thought it was 'touching'. Touch this, Theresa - your shitty movies are the reason why you're probably wondering when fate is going to smack you upside the head and shit you a Mr. Right!!!!

Shit, I'm memorizing this so I can recite it verbatim in drunken arguments at the bar.

'Cause Betty and Rita were MEANT TO BE. :loveya:

That said, I wonder what the watchers of the Lynch movie thought, and what movie it was.

Working on solving a mystery and then BAM, they end up doing it.

Naomi Watts or Laura Elena Harring, ya know. :P

:shrug:

:P

TELL HIM!


At least that's how it works for straight couples. How does it work for same-sex couples?

Fate is supposed to plant the inspirational idea for a gift in your head. Duh! Who are you to question Sleepless in Seattle?!?!?!?!

:toast:

And rather than just do what I wanted, he would question "why" I wanted what I did. He would always excuse his not doing what I asked by saying that I was "silly" for wanted what I did.

My kid does that too.

Yeah, I've heard that and similar lines. The article gets that part right.

But not this:

Rom-coms can also be instructive. As author Kate Harrison suggests: "They can provide a great example for the men in your life to follow when they're looking for a romantic gesture."


Ummm...if a man actually did what you see in most rom coms they'd get nothing but a restraining order. 99% of them promote the idea that if you're persistent and make increasingly grand gestures that you'll eventually get the woman you want if you keep it up long enough. In real life, most women don't think that's as romantic as it is in the movies.

The article is a hoot because the study itself is saying essentially what you just outlined (get a grip on reality). But the author of the article is doing everything possible to say to the researchers (and those of us reading all of this), the problem isn't too much romantic comedies, the problem is we should watch them more often and understand what they're trying to convey.

What a crock of shit.

Talk about unrealistic expectations! Disney is evil.

setting women up for the expectation that some day the "right" person will come along. The "right" person will instantly realize that the woman is "right" for him, and he will demonstrate this through the purchase of the perfect gift, and taking the woman out on perfect dates.

(The other day I sincerely thanked my mom for not parking me in front of Disney films when I was little. Those things are dangerous.)

It was something along the lines of "people worry about the damage violent TV shows do to kids, but we'll let them listen to a million love songs" suggesting love songs usually instill harmful unrealistic expectations. Rom Coms would probably fit that bill, too.

I doubt it. Because love songs aren't aimed primarily at women.

This whole thing reeks of sexism.

that these things(although I took it back to a reading era, and the Harlequin Romances) are the equivalent of porn, giving people a totally unrealistic view of the gender we are attracted to, and thus damaging peoples ability to relate to each other in healthy ways.

And yet they remain socially acceptable. Whats with that?

I write them. Actually, I write romantic comedy. The first people that criticize what I do have either never read a romance novel, or they read one twenty years ago and believe the genre is still stuck in the purple prose bodice rippers popular in the '70's and '80's. Uh, no.

I'm more than happy to recommend a few for those who'd like to experience one. For an example, Julia Quinn (www.juliaquinn.com) lives in the Seattle area. She writes Regency-era historicals. She's been called "the contemporary Jane Austen". She graduated from Harvard, and dropped out of Yale's med school when her first two books went to auction.

I enjoy romantic comedies, because frankly, I'd rather laugh than cry.

Falling in love has been the most transformative experience of my life. Why wouldn't I want to write about it? Plus, what's so bad about a happy ending?

Julie

Choosing to love has been the most transformative experience of my life as well.

That said, that has nothing to do with what I see in "chick flicks". Nor what was in the older version, my mothers Harlequins.

You say modern romances are better than the old school ones. I can accept that as a proposition, without having read any modern ones. My tastes run in other directions. But do these books sell? Or has the younger generation moved on to pop movies instead of reading much of anything that doesn't involve vampires?

I have to agree that the genre has changed completely since the days of Harlequin. It's no longer a macho man and a helpless woman waiting to be saved. Are the majority of them literary masterpieces? No but they're not all crap either.

As for the original supposition that these are the cause of people not being realistic about relationships -- I would say that the bigger issue is that women no longer need to marry for financial security. We're less willing to accept crappy relationships because we can make our own way in the world. Personally, I like it that way. I would love to have a romantic partner but I don't need one for my survival so I can be choosy about who I pick.

>We're less willing to accept crappy relationships because we can make our own way in the world.

The novels reflect this as well. Today's heroines have a career, they're successful on their own, and the relationship adds to their lives. It doesn't define them as people. The men have changed as well. Romance readers still love alpha males, though.

Being choosy rocks.
Julie

That goes against my personal experience and what I see in the stores, but I am willing to admit that I can be wrong.
It is possible that what I see is just correlated, not causal. It could very well be that those I know who are most addicted to the genera are people who are predisposed to make short lasting ill advised romantic matches. Knowing some of them quite well, including family histories, I think that is even pretty likely. And insofar as Financial security place a part in relationships, I agree with you 100%.

I can do that and still hold my working idea up for comparison. I do not think that this genera of stories is the cause of all problems in relationships. But I do not think that they help. Again, very similar to how Porn tends to interact with men. Of course, a rough equivalence on the consumer end of things does not mean they are equivalent on the production end, but I am only looking at the effect on the audience at the moment.

>But do these books sell?

Romance novels account for fifty percent of mass market fiction sales in the United States each year.

BTW, don't tell anyone, but "Twilight" is a romance novel. It's called a "paranormal".

Julie

Stop it.

and I wish that I could remember the author.

Basically, much entertainment for both men and women revolved around fantasies of power that appeal to each gender. In old-fashioned sexist terms, men's power fantasies are about having power over other men, as in escapist fair where they conquer or outwit others, (and get all the women, too). Women's power fantasies, also in old-fashioned gender roles, are about achieving power through control or influence over a powerful man. Hence, the romance novel.

is that the heroes in our novels don't stop chasing after "the deal is sealed", so to speak. A little pursuit never hurt any relationship. When you're still pursuing, you don't take the other person for granted.

I don't know how I feel about the "obtaining control or influence over a powerful man".

Julie

where the man being sought isn't powerful, in some way?

I don't read romance novels so dunno about that.

Linda Howard, Jennifer Crusie, Susan Donovan and Kristan Higgins all write "everyday guys". I'll give it some thought to see if I can come up with more authors.

Julie

I thought I hated romantic comedies until I started watching '30s screwballs. Most of them are just as contrived and unlikely as the modern ones, but they actually make me laugh.

Well, that's depressing.

I must be doubly warped.

Furthermore, they are all almost exactly the same.

I know right.

But SPIDERMAN IS~!

:popcorn:

Right?

Totally.

Who really, really does.

The study observes that 100 student volunteers watching Serendipity, a rom-com about fate and destiny, were more likely afterwards "to believe in fate and destiny".

There's nothing in the study that would lead one to believe it's only women affected.

right?

:eyes:

I've known plenty of guys who like the genre. Men are just as vulnerable to mindless dribble as women are.

>mindless dribble

If you believe that cranking out a 100,000 word romance novel or a ninety-page romantic comedy script is so easy, please: Write one. I know hundreds of other romance authors nationwide. They work hard to turn out a book their readers will enjoy. Better yet, it'll be interesting to see how long it takes you to actually publish your work.

Oh, I forgot: It's "literature" if the reader's crying at the end. It's "crap" if they're not.

Calling what so many authors write "mindless dribble" just makes you look ignorant.

Julie

And it does.... "Nightmare on Elm Street"

Proof that this man has no business being in romantic movies.

That's odd, considering the thing most people wish in a romantic relationship is honesty and a "sense of humor". So romance plus comedy only gets a bad rap because it isn't for men. And god help that something might be mostly enjoyable for women and not geared towards men.

Or for that matter, gender biased. You're jumping to conclusions.

I think not.

Fate would only pair you with a smart, witty, attractive, financially stable, psychic partner. You just have to believe he exists out there and he's only acting like a stalker because he needs to be with oh so badly. And when you find him, as it appears you have, you'll never have to worry again... About anything... ever.

:) But you already knew that.

Especially the ones that are about weddings.

They just have an amazing relationship.

It occurs to me that my mother's happiness is what makes my dad happy. And my father's happiness is what makes my mother happy.

And they always had the same goals (I think, namely, to raise their family and keep their heads above water).

And it works.

My parents do not say "no" to each other. Ever.

I could spend the rest of my life saying "yes" to someone, as long as I knew I'd be treated the same.

I'm losing faith that I'll ever find that.

One was my best friend's parents when I was a kid (we still keep in touch). Dad was gone to Antarctica 5 months out of the year,so I always wondered if that helped keep things fresh for them. They always seemed to just adore one another. The second couple are my friends Jeff and Vijaya. He's a famous comic book creator, so they travel the world together a few times every year. I think all the shared adventures helps to keep the romance alive (plus, they don't have kids)! The third couple are my friends Boris and Julie. They're famous fantasy artists and they do travel a few times every year like Jeff and Vijaya, but most of the time they're painting side by side. I asked Julie what their secret to such a happy family life was (they have great kids too) and she said "Respect. If we disagree, we always treat the other with respect no matter what. That, and always finding ways to have fun together"!

So all three have set up unrealistic expectations for me! :P