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"You know the woman is in charge, don't you?"

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Radical Activist Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jan-27-09 11:21 PM
Original message
"You know the woman is in charge, don't you?"
That was one of the last things she said to me at the end of our first, and last, weekend trip together. I didn't call her again. We eventually talked after it was clear the short relationship was over.

No. No woman is in charge of my life, just as I'm not interested in being in charge of any woman's life. I should know by now but it never ceases to surprise me how many people either want to dominate another person in a relationship or want to be dominated, and don't seem able to conceive of how a relationship of two equals would work.

The other sad relationship thread got me thinking about this.
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Ava Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jan-27-09 11:24 PM
Response to Original message
1. dude, the woman is in charge
:hide: kidding of course.

honestly, i don't get the clingy controlling nature of some. i'm a "i'll do my thing, you do your's" type person, so it doesn't make sense to me. i guess some people have to be in control in order to feel secure in their relationship :shrug:
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Radical Activist Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jan-27-09 11:29 PM
Response to Reply #1
2. haha
:)

At least I've figured out that people like that rarely change and it's best to just run the other way. I think a lot of it is about insecurity and I doubt any amount of controlling their SO will ever make them feel completely secure.
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Ava Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jan-27-09 11:36 PM
Response to Reply #2
4. i think insecurity is a large part of it too
afraid that if they aren't in control the other person will leave and they'll be alone.. which actually is likely to drive the person away.

clinginess is especially annoying to me. controlling behavior just pisses me off.
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Radical Activist Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jan-27-09 11:45 PM
Response to Reply #4
6. Funny.
That's exactly what's happening to a good friend of mine. He's in a relationship with a controlling woman and it has gotten increasingly worse. Everyone expected them to get married this year but she has finally pushed him to his limit. They'll probably split soon.

Good job figuring that out at a younger age than I did. hah :think:
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crimsonblue Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jan-27-09 11:34 PM
Response to Original message
3. as the product of a strong mother and 2 strong sisters...
I can tell you right now that the woman is in charge. This isn't really up for debate.
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Ava Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jan-27-09 11:37 PM
Response to Reply #3
5. well the smart ones are in charge without the man knowing
:rofl:
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Radical Activist Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jan-27-09 11:51 PM
Response to Reply #5
8. Yeah, that was her mistake
when she let me know she was going to be in charge. She should have kept it to herself. lol
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Radical Activist Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jan-27-09 11:49 PM
Response to Reply #3
7. I like strong women
Maybe my expectation of meeting a strong, independent woman who is compatible with me and also not controlling is unrealistic. :dunce:

Although, I think I've dated at least a couple women like that but none that worked out.
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Tuesday Afternoon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-28-09 12:05 AM
Response to Original message
9. You know why, don't you?
;) :D

http://www.youtube.com/v/kTDvCLAT8hg&hl=en&fs=1
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Radical Activist Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-28-09 12:13 AM
Response to Reply #9
10. haha
I forgot what a great voice he had.

It's kind of funny how a song about women being smarter is also full of so many vaguely misogynist lines. :)
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Tuesday Afternoon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-28-09 12:21 AM
Response to Reply #10
13. long ago era ...
times have changed.
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Shakespeare Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-28-09 12:14 AM
Response to Original message
11. Sounds like something somebody would say in jest.
:shrug:
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Radical Activist Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-28-09 12:20 AM
Response to Reply #11
12. As Al Franken would say
She was kidding on the square.

Her behavior reflected it. She's very controlling and I have little patience for that.
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Shakespeare Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-28-09 12:21 AM
Response to Reply #12
14. Interesting.
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HEyHEY Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-28-09 12:21 AM
Response to Original message
15. I may wine em and dine, but I DON'T let them tell me what to do.
I. DON'T. LET. THEM. TELL. ME. WHAT. TO. DO.
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JVS Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-28-09 12:24 AM
Response to Original message
16. You're better off without her.
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Radical Activist Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-28-09 12:27 AM
Response to Reply #16
17. oh yeah.
We have mutual friends and some of the tactics she used to control me and other people around her even after we split up made it veeeeeeeeeery obvious that I'm better off.
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Fleshdancer Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-28-09 12:28 AM
Response to Original message
18. I feel the same way
My husband is my partner. He's not my slave, he's not my master, and we're not each other's better half. We came into this relationship whole and equal and this is how we will remain.

I don't understand power games.
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Radical Activist Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-28-09 12:33 AM
Response to Reply #18
19. Well
Thanks for inserting something positive into this thread. I hope to find a relationship that works that way someday but I'm not too motivated to look for it anymore.
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Fleshdancer Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-28-09 12:48 AM
Response to Reply #19
20. For what it's worth....
I met my husband less than a month after breaking off a year long relationship with the most emotionally manipulative man I have ever known. I wasn't looking for a relationship at that point, but that's when it happened. Life is shit. Therefore it happens. ;)
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NMDemDist2 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jan-28-09 01:29 AM
Response to Original message
21. when Momma ain't happy
ain't nobody happy

just saying......
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