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...by Kip Addotta. For all you Dr. Demento fans:
It was April the 41st, being a quadruple leap year,
I was driving in downtown Atlantis,
My Barracuda was in the shop, so I was in a rented Stingray, and it was overheating.
So I pulled into a Shell station.
They said I'd blown a seal.
I said, "Fix the damn thing and leave my private life out of it, okay pal?"
While they were doing that I walked over to a place called the Oyster Bar -- a real dive.
But I knew the owner, he used to play for the Dolphins.
I said, "Hi, Gil!!!"
You hafta yell, he's hard of herring.
CHORUS:
Think I had a wet dream, cruisin' through the Gulf Stream
Oooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
Wet dream...
Gil was also down on his luck
Fact is, he was barely keeping his head below water
I gullied up to the sandbar. He poured the usual.
Rusty snail, hold the grunion, shaken, not stirred
With a peanut butter and jellyfish sandwich on the side -- heavy on the mako
I slipped him a fin -- on porpoise
I was feeling good.
I even dropped a sand dollar in the box for Jerry's Squids -- for the halibut
Well, the place was crowded
We were packed in like sardines
They were all there to listen to the big band sounds of Tommy Dorsal -- what sole!
Tommy was rockin' the place with a very popular tuna -- "Salmon Chanted Evening"
And the stage was surrounded by screaming groupers
Probably there to see the bass player.
One of them was this cute little yellowtail
And she's giving ME the eye
So I figure, this is my chance for a little fun
You know -- a piece of Pisces
But she said things I just couldn't fathom
She was too deep, and seemed to be under a lot of pressure
Boy, could she drink. She drank like a...well, she drank A LOT...
I said, "What's your sign?"
She said, "Aquarium"
I said, "GREAT!!! Let's get tanked!"
CHORUS
I invited her up to my place for a little midnight bait
I said, "C'mon baby, it'll only take a few minnows"
She threw me that same old line
"Not tonight -- I got a haddock"
And she wasn't kiddin' either, 'cuz in came the biggest, meanest looking haddock I'd ever seen come down the pike
He was covered with mussels
He came over to me, he said, "Listen shrimp -- don't you come trolling around here"
What a crab!
This guy was steamed -- I could see the anchor in his eyes.
I turned to him, I said, "Abalone-y! You're just being shellfish!"
Well, I knew it was going to be trouble, and so did Gil, 'cuz he was already on the phone to the cods.
The haddock hits me with a sucker punch
I catch him with a left hook, he eels over
It was a fluke, but there he was, lying on the deck, flat as a mackerel. Kelpless.
I said, "Forget the cods, Gil, this guy's gonna need a sturgeon."
Well, the yellowtail was impressed with the way I landed her boyfriend.
She came over to me, she said, "Hey big boy, you're really a game fish. What's your name?"
I said, "Marlin."
CHORUS
Well from then on, we had a whale of a time.
I took her to dinner, I took her to dance.
I bought her a bouquet of flounders.
And then I went home with her.
And what did I get for my trouble?
A case of the clams
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