Tell us about your Number One.

Do you have a spouse, partner, mate, significant other, boyfriend, girlfriend, best friend, child, sister, brother, parent, who is number one in your life? Tell us about him or her.

My number one is my beloved, the love of my life, Mrs. Venation -- Kathy.

She's from eastern Tennessee, grew up practically in the Great Smokies. Her favorite place on the earth is Cades Cove in the Great Smoky Mountain National Park. I never thought I'd meet someone who shared my intense, spiritual adoration of the outdoors. I got so lucky in so many ways.

Kathy's been a coal miner, a caregiver to the profoundly retarded, a bodyguard/escort for battered women seeking shelter from their abusers -- and she successfully sued the Tennessee Valley Authority for gender discrimination.

My baby loves bluegrass, folk, much "new" country and most of the old, opera, and classical music, and the good rock of the 70s (in fact, she just put on the Guess Who). Although she doesn't currently play an instrument or sing, she is a musician. She loves fishing, photography, fine dining, good wine, to read, and to correspond with friends.

She is a devoted family woman who adores her parents, her brothers, her niece & nephew, her aunts and uncles, and, of course, my family -- her relatively new sisters & brother-in-law and their three children.

Kathy takes excellent care of me. She nursed me intensely and quite well when a surgery site got infected two years ago and we thought I might lose a foot. She's generous to a fault; she won't leave even the most obviously cynical panhandler empty-handed, and she'd give anyone the shirt off her back for the asking. She is a gentle soul who loves all God's critters. (Fortunately -- or we'd have more than just six indoor cats -- she's not as soft as I am in that arena.) Nothing makes her grin bigger than floppy-eared dogs, giggling babies, and children at play.

I love my hillbilly woman. I pray she never doubts that she's the love of my life, the very apple of my eye, the sun & moon & all the stars to me.

Tell us about your number one, won't you?

I am about to become a father for the first time at age 49! Check out my profile

Kinda wish I hadn't checked your profile, but -- may your baby be healthy and have a long and happy life!

well at least my lady love is a warm, intelligent and beautiful person

May you all be very happy, willie.

Congratulations! You are about to embark on a journey that will turn you into a feather weight who can be twisted around the finger or blown over by a little puff of air from the lungs of your child...

It will be the most frustrating, heartwarming, rewarding, hair pulling experiences of your life. At times you will think you'd love a dozen of your little bundle of joy. At other times you wonder what insanity ever made you think you could be a parent.

Your soon-to-be addition to your family will help keep you young and age you beyond belief at the same time.

Enjoy. :D }( :+

thanks for your kind words

But I hope eventually I will find a girl.

C'mon... ;)

Is that a good start?

Tell us other things. Favorites, for example.

:shrug:

favorite actor Al Pacino. What kind of music & tv shows do you like? Sports to play? Sports teams? Foods? Weather? Cars? Just for a few suggestions...

My favorite ACC team is UNC.
My favorite NFL team is the Panthers.
I hate the weather sometimes because we get hurricanes every four or five years.
I play golf and some paintball.
My favorite food is fettuccine Alfredo.
I like gangsta movies
I have an XBOX.

:bounce:

I've been in one hurricane and one tornado. I'm from Southern CA -- give me an earthquake anyday, man.

PS thought you were older

A lot of people on DU have guessed that I am young. I am hearing everyday on GD:2004 forum posters are talking about how young I am.

I do have someone I really like, I would describe her but its personal lol.

and I was gonna reply that it doesn't smell like asparagus anymore...

Feel free to kick me if you so wish...

it was inevitable. ;)

I met Doug online about 4 years ago. On a gay message board. We hit it off right away. We sent pictures of ourselves and were even more impressed with each other. We made a date to meet in person...and I fell for Doug.

Doug is cute, VERY sexy, VERY intelligent (my conversations with Doug are always interesting) and a terrific sense of humor. Man, does he make me laugh.

Doug is warm, caring and sweet. He lives in Toronto and is interested in Canadian political issues. He's working with other supporters of David Orchard to start a new Progressive Conservative party (after the Alliance Party merged with the former PC party and ruined it)

Doug is a composer. He's written a few stage musicals (the most recent being a musical based on the silent German film classic "The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari". Doug's musical was staged at a festival in New York City about 3 years ago. Good reviews).

Doug LOVES Broadway musicals and musicals in general. He's has an encyclopediac knowledge of musicals. Name the song and Doug can tell you which musical it's from.

Doug is a marvelously creative man.

And Doug is mine. I love him more every day. Doug has brought out my romantic side. I love Doug fiercely, passionately.

Doug is the man I want to grow old with. It's as simple as that.

Looking at this, I can't help but notice that Doug is perfect. And he is.

:-)

To Doug...SHMILY.

xo

Terry

:hug:

:loveya:

Thanks for sharing it. :)

Woman of my life is Pearl. We met in Peace Corps in Thailand, I was a HIV Prevention volunteer, she part of the English Teaching program. She lived 4 hours away, which mean a bus ride through the Northeast Hills and lots of dramamine.

We stayed together afterwards and went to grad school together, and then had a beautiful baby Nate.

I was never sure. I missed my chance to try it in Prague... would like to try it.

he's here - he's wonderful - he's smart - he's sweet...

We haven't actually met face-to-face. However, we'll be taking care of that situation the weekend of March 19-21. (She's in Ohio and I'm in Connecticut.) We'll be hooking up in Pennsylvania and spending three days getting to know each other. Who knows where it might lead? :bounce:

a GDCrunchy poster be happy?

We're about to find out!

We met on December 2, 1996, around 630pm in the evening. I was a student at the University of Mississippi. I was to tutor him in calculus, and he flirted with me, and asked me out for Chinese food. I was shocked that such a country boy was into guys; I'd not yet come out to anyone. THAT was interesting.. openly gay folks dating in Oxford, MS..

He's about 6'2", blonde hair, blue eyes, 31 years old, and handsome as hell. He served 5 years in the Air Force, stationed in Kaiserslautern, Germany and Andrews in MD/DC. He's originally from between Mobile/AL and Pascagoula/MS. He can take apart and re-assemble a tractor, rope cattle, race a horse, etc. Very handy around the house, and very liberal too. I often don't see what he sees in me. My parents adore him, as do his me.

From when we met, flash-forward to now. We've had our ups and downs. We've been through deaths, family troubles, tragedies, my cancer, our physical and emotional separation.. and we see how much we mean to each other. He graduated a year before me and moved out to Austin in 1999 because of the promise of prosperity. That busted right as I moved out there a year later. He's a manager at a newspaper distribution warehouse, and I'm a student again, this time in a local medical imaging program.

We still bicker about small things, but can't imagine life without each other. This is probably going to be a lifetime thing, and I'm thankful for it.

I love story of GLBT couples, because they usually involve no small amount of courage. It's very cute that you remember not just the date, but the TIME that you met him. Very sweet. :)

I've been smitten with him since I laid eyes on him. :loveya:

...JR online just over four years ago. And it was shear luck that we actually met online at all. JR didn't hang all that much in AOL chat rooms. It was a rare thing for her to log on. But this particular ngiht she did, and as fate would have it, we met, and chatted up a storm. :)

Just over a month later we met in person when I was in San Francisco. The magic we had shared online, was there in person, and basically we have been item ever since that first night.

She is a wonderful caring woman. Highly intelligent, very funny, and does some wonderful impersonations of some famous people.

She is soft, romantic, beautiful, a great friend and a wonderful lover.

She has a great love for movies, from the silent era right through. Her favorite movie being Singing in the Rain.

She tought me what uconditional love is all about. She tought me what friendship is all about. And she has stood by me no matter what.

She is my lover, my partner, my best friend. She is my soul mate.

For Sapphocrat: AMLFYA I love YOU, woman!

Great thread, Bertha, thank YOU!

R was adopted, but his siblings were all born to his parents the usual way. He grew up understanding that there was something different about him -- blue-eyed, tall, stocky, muscular, and strong in a brown-eyed family of small, thin, wispy types. He felt intensely the pain of not belonging, especially when he became an adult and hired a PI to investigate his birth situation. His parents had 6 kids already, and decided that they could feed 8 but not 9. He was sure they could have fed 9 if they'd really wanted him. He never got over that.

R.'s IQ, as a young man, hovered around 175, and he did enough college course work for four master's degrees, most of it effortlessly. During his freshman year, he took Honors Calculus 3.

As an elective.

Because he was bored.

R.'s creative genius knew no bounds -- he taught himself to play every musical instrument, many well enough to perform publicly. He was a studio musician in New York for years. When the PI brought back the report on his birth family, R. was surprised to find that he was Jewish by birth, and that his surname at birth was a derivative of Levi, forefather of one of the 12 tribes mentioned in the Torah. Levi, according to a book R. read, was the musician of the family, and R. marveled at that bit of news.

R.'s intellect and creativity made him a millionaire before he turned 25, again before he turned 30, and three times before he turned 35. He was a genius at building wealth, and did it without hurting anyone. His employees were treated like gold. He worshiped the ground they walked on, and the feeling was mutual. He wrote checks to pay the college tuition of their kids; not because they were his employees, but because they were his friends.

R. was so beloved of children that they would start showing up at his door at 7AM on Saturdays, in the hope that he would play catch with them in the yard.

R. was the only man I've ever loved. We could be in the same room for six hours and say zero words, and be perfectly content. He could bring me to tears just by singing Happy Birthday. He adored me and used his wealth to give me joy -- once I said I liked a song by Matchbox 20. Within a week, we were at a Matchbox 20 show, on the front row, with backstage passes, after a limo ride.

I'd have been just as happy listening to their CD at home holding his hand. He knew that, but made the evening....anyway. Just because.

R. blew my mind. Growing up with an abusive father and moving on to several abusive boyfriends, I was accustomed to the notion that I was put on earth for men to use, abuse, and cast aside.

R. treated me like a princess.

R. and I were at that point in our relationship when the next step is a wedding ring. It's like riding a bike up a steep hill. When you're almost at the top of the hill, you start to get very excited. You know that when you finally get to the top, the work will be worth it, because you can coast all the way down and feel the wind in your hair and race at the speed of lightning all the way down. Maybe you'll crash at the bottom. Maybe you won't. Either way, it'll be worth it.

R. and I never got to the top of that hill. R. had demons he couldn't conquer, and he killed himself last year.

Suicide is the most selfish act a human being can commit, and I will never get over it, and I will never forgive him for it unless I learn how to trust again someday. I doubt that will happen.

I had stopped holding my breath. I had let down my guard. The sledgehammer to my skull that his death brought is inexplicably linked in my mind to that trust -- it was my reward for trust. I know that's not exactly true, but it feels that way.

Sorry to put such a damper on your lovely thread, Bertha. It's just the truth. My truth. I wish it wasn't.

:cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry::cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:

I hope you can get some help, from someone from something, to get you though this. :hug:

is damn near unbearable. Sweetie, you need to see a therapist; find one who specializes in treating Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Although I was not in a romantic relationship with him, Dave's suicide devastated me. He worked on my team; we were in the beginning of a major software conversion, and Dave's part of the effort was not going well. Management made some changes to the team, partly in an effort to lessen the stress Dave was experiencing. He continued to fall apart. We got more worried about him. I talked to my team leader, and I expressed my fear that Dave was close to the edge. Our managers told Dave that his friends were worried about him, and that they thought if he took a few days off to recharge it would benefit him, and the team, and software conversion. That was a Tuesday afternoon. He killed himself that night. He left a note that said, in part, to "tell work they don't have to worry about me any more." Just typing that renders me to tears.

Some of us knew he was in trouble, but we didn't know the extent of his pain and depression. Those of us in the IT field are, to a large extent, problem solvers. On my team, were are darn good at it; but this time we faced a problem we couldn't solve and we were emotionally damaged by that. On an intellectual level, we know there is nothing we could have done to save Dave from himself; on an emotional level it feels very different.

Bertha has lost someone dear to her to suicide, too, SGW. If you need to lean on us, feel free. I will begin seeing a psychiatrist later this month to begin treatment for PTSD. Dave's suicide is not the only trauma I need to deal with, but it is a big one.

Here's to you, SGW. :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

I have no money or insurance, so a therapist is not an option. I waited eight weeks to get in to the county mental health center. The therapist was kind and meant well, but I'd read all the same books he had. I did all the things he suggested -- writing a letter and reading it at the grave, doing something to honor his memory, making lists of good memories I want to keep, blah blah blah blah blah blah.

On one level, I can accept that he did what he had to do to save himself from a life he couldn't bear.

On another level, his suicide feels so deeply personal, vicious, and cruel that I want to blame myself.

On yet another level, I feel so much anger that I wish he was here so I could kill myself.

On yet another level, everything my dad and my uncle (the pedophiles) and my first two serious boyfriends (the misogynists) ever said to me was true. Everything they ever did was deserved. Why did I ever doubt that they were right about me? Why did I ever dream I had worth or value? Obviously, the universe has corrected me for daring to hope they were wrong. I let my guard down once in my life. And this is what happened.

(Note: I know that the above paragraph is bullshit. None of it's objectively true. It just FEELS true, which amounts to the same thing in the gut.)

On a final level, I am jealous. I don't know if R is conscious in some afterlife or not. If he is, I feel certain that he's not popping ulcers over how to keep his utility bill paid. I am. Which one of us was stupid?

(Note: I am not suicidal. I am not depressed. I am angry. There is a big fat fucking difference.)

And so on and so forth.....

Denial isn't the Merry-Go-Round. Grief is. Only it's not merry. LOL.

Thanks for your concern. I am okay. Really.

and it pisses me off that that's the straits you're in. I was insurance-less for years and had to rely on county programs for meds. Thank God I had a therapist who knew I needed help and knew I couldn't pay. I met her when I was just beginning treatment 18 years ago. Three weeks into therapy (with a different therapist), I put myself in the hospital, and there was Carol, just then working on her BS in psychology and an aide on my ward. Later when my first therapist moved to Arizona he suggested Carol take me on -- by then she was an intern -- and she did. But I digress.

You are so, so right about the difference between what you know and what you feel -- GAWD, I remember those years, and they were one big ugly mindfuck. Almost as bad as the trauma and abuse themselves, no?

Jess, I know you'll be okay as well as you do. Yet that dissonance is why therapy is indicated. It's my new fervent prayer that your financial situation will change, or that some decent community program will emerge from the woodwork,* so that you can find a real therapist.

* You may even check the local GLBT community center if there's one. I know you're straight, but chances are they won't discriminate. At the least they can probably direct you to some other community programs.

of an event that crushed you such a short time ago is testament to your courage and your clear desire to reach out and trust again.

That you can tell this tale to this community assembled is evidence, Jess, that you do indeed trust now and that you will indeed trust, to that level, again.

You haven't put a damper on the thread, dear. You've only shown us that loss is part of love. I am deeply sorry, my friend.

:hug:

Mrs. V is lucky to be so well-loved!!

My personal goal in life is to get up to Maryland and meet y'all in person someday. I love Tennesseeans. They can all kick my ass, but that's okay. :)

C'mon up!!

Time heals. Thank you very much for sharing with us. :~)

My fiance is a Nice Jewish Boy from New York (Lindenhurst, to be exact). We met in Pennsylvania at the Pennsic War (http://www.pennsicwar.org). I was raised secular by nominal Protestants from Ontario(I'm an atheist at most now), and he's a non-practicing agnostic, so we get along ok that way. (Everyone I know except those on the inside keep asking me when I'm going to convert, and I keep saying I'm not. He says my Hebrew is better than his, though, but I don't believe him!)

He has long, dark hair, hazel non-coloured eyes, stands about 4cm taller than I (he says I'm too tall because he used to date short women!), weighs usually between 60 and 70 kg, and *always* wears Land's End button-down shirts, Levi's 501 jeans, and ugly shoes (it's a nerd thing). He used to be a reporter for the Press of Atlantic City, but he got hit over the head by a flying tv cameraman who took three steps up a two-step kitchen stepstool and dropped ~100kg of gear on his head. It bounced three or four times, and now he has chronic pain, lots of drugs, C-4/C-5-C5/C-6 fusions in his neck, a titanium plate, and SSDI payments of $1200 a month instead of a real job. :-(

He is passionately into computers, mostly hardware; history; reading; historical recreation; politics (Democratic-to-socialist), Totally Useless Information, and any of another fifty things I could list! We have a lot of the same interests, although I'm the bigger language and music geek!

We've been together for just over four years, although where the relationship is going we can't really say at this point. It sort of depends whether or not I ever manage to land a Real Job at a decent enough rate of pay to support 1.5 people, and/or whether I can ever overcome my problems with the concept of being married. In the meantime, I'm still struggling with monogamy, which is, inexplicably enough, his natural state. From here, we'll either get it together or we won't. In the meantime, it's fun.

I suppose we're in that "attachment" phase of a LTR, because I can't bring myself to get soppy about him. He's my best friend, and I have a hard time imagining his not being there, but if he weren't, life would go on. --Shrug-- I'm not like other people, and neither is he. :)

He is spooky and sweet and moved from Florida to Seattle for me! That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever done for me. He is much taller than me, also much stronger. He can lift me up like a sack of...um...lifty things. I know what he did last summer. He likes the mooooon and Invader Zim and he is very cute! He's also kind of shy and easily embarrassed so his face is turning red as he reads this. He has a tuft of hair that stands up like the angler attachment of an angler-fish. Someday he'll be a security guard (he has a talent for that--reportedly he used to "guard" stuff in his sleep when he was a kid. I bet he stood at attention and stuff. Someday I'll ask his mom.). He wears a size 15 shoe, can you believe that?! FIFTEEN! You know what they say... He has nightmares, which is okay because so do I. He wears a spooky long leather trenchcoat that draws attention from random strangers, so it is a coat of doom! He likes animals, and is a lot like a big cat, maybe a tiger. He isn't very ticklish. He says "butt" a lot. One time he said "nutted" and I laughed about it all day! He likes scary evil music, but that's okay because one of my favorite things is to be scared and laughing at the same time. (Don't ask.) He doesn't have a lot of body hair, and what he has is short and pokey so sometimes it tickles me and I have to get away from it. He gives really spectacular backrubs. He cracks his neck a lot because he has neck issues, and he has a head the size of a small planet, to hold in all the braaaaaaaainwoms!

Tucker

My man is like...wow! I never believed in fairy tales, about Prince Charming coming around the corner,blah,blah,blah. But now, well maybe there was something behind those stories.
He is ssoooooooo smart, funny, and sexy as hell! And best of all he is my best friend! And his voice, oh what a voice! And his eyes,prrrr!I could set for hours looking into his eyes and listening to that voice!
I can't wait for him to come back off that ranch and stay here permanently!

:D

..me. If all the rest of the people one loved died, if the rest of the world went to hell in a hand basket, ultimately we'll always have ourselves. We have to be comfortable with our own thoughts and ideas. I care about the people around me, but I look out for me, first and foremost.

husband and kids. The husband posts on Du often, which tells you something about him. We've been married ten years now, and I still know I picked the best person for me. He is intelligent, compassionate, humorous and he is a great teacher, and his students usually love him. We still sleep curled up together, except on nights when I'm mad at him, which does happen quite often, but I'm sure I get mad at him less than I would most people.

My kids are gorgeous and brilliant and funny. The oldest is serioulsy scholarly like her dad, and she sings and makes up her own stories all the time. The youngest has all the neighborhood kids over asking to play with her every day. She's been my people person child since she was tiny, which is something I've never been. Both my girls amaze me constantly, which is rather nice.

I would tell you about someone but :shrug: I dont have a girl but I do have crushes :).

Don't see one comin down the pike either. My hope of that is pretty much gone now barring a miracle.

And she's here this week! The long distance thing is hard - thank God for AirTran...
She dotes on me, seriously. It's amazing.
We are fantastic in bed together (TMI I know, but forgive me).
She can go immediately from lovey-dovey talk to serious analysis of issues in the blink of an eye. It absolutely stuns me.
We have THE SAME SENSE OF HUMOR!!!How rare is that?!?
We click.

She says:
My man is the most wonderful person in the world! He is unbelievably generous and considerate and I honestly don't know what I would do without him. He is my one and only. And we are the same kind of weird...:)

BTW would someone tell her to get a username so she can post here?

Born and raised in India. Went to a school run by Sai Baba and has the welts and scars to prove it.

Loves me despite the fact that I'm 12 years his senior, rather prodigious in the gluteus portion (actually he LOVES it).

Great dad, just crazy about his little boy. Loves to debate politics even though he tends to being progressive as much as I am, he keeps me sharp. Respectfully debates religion with me.

He's been there for me through some serious health issues, and I'm gonna be here for his (yes, it is cancer--tumor is large, but doesn't appear to be spreading).

I love him like crazy--gotta stop now, in tears. Here's to my wonderful Bhanu (sun).

Still hoping to see you and Kathy in May, though!

Here's to you and your wonderful Bhanu. I hope to meet you & the kidlet in May -- lord, I would love to meet you both. :hug:

My husband and I met in college. I had met him a couple times when I was a freshman but didn't really talk to him or think of him. Our sophomore year, we ended up in two of the same classes in the fall. In the lab class, we ended up in my lab group and we talked a bit. He was both taller and heavier of a man than I thought that I would want to date. I was also interested in someone else, but it didn't seem like this other wanted more than friendship. I did file my would be husband as a possibility though. That weekend, I was turned down by the guy who I had been interested in. I was upset, but went to a fraternity party that night and ran into my would be husband. We ended up hitting it off right away. We talked on the phone the next day, went on our first date a few days later, sat together in class, and were pretty much together ever since. We got engaged our junior year and got married the summer after our senior year.
He is 6'4'', big framed (51 inch shoulders), and strong. He is a genius IQ wise. He is almost the same age as I am, 27 days younger. He is a nice guy and is good to our little dog and I. He likes computers and electronical equipment, computer games, music, target shooting, action movies, and outdoors stuff.

What can I say about her...

It is tough for me to put into words the way she makes me feel. I love her more than anything in this world. She makes me feel love as no one in this life ever has.

She is the most wonderful, amazing, kind, beautiful, caring, compassionate, spooky and downright sexy woman I have ever met.

She gives me the braaainworms.

I have never known any person like her. She cares so deeply about the world, her friends, her children, the rights and quality of life of everyone, she even cares about me, which makes me feel so special.

I came to know her at a very dark time in my life, with her however, the sun shines again and the perpetual haze of sorrow has lifted from my eyes. She has given me the most special thing any non-family member ever has: love. :loveya:

I love her more than these words can describe. I am not sure that if I had a thesaurus and a dictionary and a few free years that I could ever fully describe the depth of my feelings for her.

I love you Tucker! :loveya:

She's got my heart, and I love dreaming about her because of her beautiful eyes, and that devilish little smirk. She's everything I could want and more than that, and I am utterly and completely and totally heads over heels over her. The way we met was on DU, of all the places. I like to joke sometimes that it was the only good thing about DU, was getting to meet her.

*soft sigh* can't wait to talk to my sweet girl tonight.

has been my proverbial earth. By this I mean that when we met I was at the low point in my life and was trying to change the direction I had been going in. I was like a seed and with her love I was able to establish confidence in myself, which I had never had before. This confidence has enable me to push to be the best in what I do in my career and to grow as a person to be able to grow emotionally as a husband/father. She was born in the mid west and was brought up by a mother who couldn't show her very much affection. When we came together, we were both looking for something we never had before. In the coarse of our relationship we have put together a big family, for which required sacrifice from both of us. She is a loving mother and her nurturing nature toward them has made them into intelligent individuals with lots of self confidence. She has stood by me when I have made mistakes and has been a driving force to push myself forward and not grow complacent with what I have. More than anything she has been my best friend, which is something else I had not experienced before I met her. As our relationship grows and blossoms with each passing year, we come together intellectually and physically to meet each crisis that come our way. Like the Earth with mountains, valleys and plains, so is My One. She is dynamic in her personality and make life very interesting. The road isn't always smooth, but we are able to navigate through each turn and any roadblock in front of us. That is why I love her for being herself and showing me how to become a person who is alright with themselves. :loveya: :hug: :bounce:

He had so much pain when he was growing up as a foster child. He had many, dark years in his 20's, not living up to the potential of his brain. His intelligence is just inherent to who he is, not given to him or nurtured by anyone but himself. He used to be the man who could be more. Now he is more. I have so much admiration for the work that he does. He is a heath-care professional, always finding ways to keep improving his credentials and be more for himself and his young patients. He is a true advocate for them as well. Sometimes he gets home, like this morning, and tells me about a child he had to see die the night before. It's hard, but he goes back again and again, giving that little extra comfort to those children that need it most. He's obviously even more devoted to our children. That is our biggest bond.

When I met him, I was still a girl really and we've gone through a lot over the years and I finally have the strength to finally and truly be the stronger women I submerged for so many years which has meant changes for us and our relationship in the past few years. There's been some tough roads along the way to get us to the present, but I know he loves me the best he can. Sometimes, his kindness and warmth can amaze me and surprise me when I least expect it. I understand the reasons behind his pain and sometimes it hurts me to know I can't take that away no matter how hard I've tried over the years to prove my love. It's hard to sometimes feel like I can be myself because I'm always censoring my words and feelings because it seems like he's hurt and upset so easily. In the ideal world, we'll get through our hurdles and be there for each other as years go by.

Not at 53. What the hell ever....