I am so ready to set this asshole on FIRE

I have this cousin who is beyond a doubt fucking scarily psychotic. From childhood, this guy has been a scary scary person. At age five, he chased my grandmothers cat with a knife trying to kill her, he set fire to his school, in elementary he tried to stab a girl in the playground, he sexually assaulted another family member, tried to harm other animals, stole, lied, etc. I remember one Christmas, he was probably 9 or 10, he was in my parents kitchen and someone wouldn't give him something he wanted to he grabbed a big knife and held it a hairs breadth from his eye, threatening to poke his own eye out if he didn't get what he wanted. I could go on forEVER about how insane this guy has been.... but I won't.

Now, my grandmother used to live with him (she lived with my aunt when her boys were young) and though this kid always scared her a bit, she loved him as grandmothers do, and had a sort of bond with him. Like many grandmothers (and mothers especially) she always wants to believe the best of people, which is admirable though often misguided and even troublesome.

3 or 4 years ago now, this asshole was staying with her because his mother refused to put up with him anymore, so he sponged off my grandmother. He stole her chequebook and forged a bunch of cheques and stole money from her. I can't remember how much, it was under a grand but more than 500. Grandma decided not to press charges because he was her grandson, blah blah.

So, he's been living across the country for a while, and very recently moved back because, you'll never guess... HES AN ASSHOLE. He burnt all of his bridges and no one in that part of the god damn COUNTRY will have anything to do with him. His parents, siblings, friends, uncles, aunts, etc etc etc. So, he shows up in the city and my grandma lets him move in with her, "just for a week or so" until he gets on his feet. Of course, we're all screaming "NO NO NO NO NO". But, grandma keeps saying that he's changed, he's so nice to her, helping her, cooking for her, running errands, he's really a dear sweet boy who deserves another chance, etc. And, as skeptical and worried as we all are, there's this tiny voice saying "wellllll.... anything is possible".

So, gets a job, but he's still just hanging around on her couch. Finally, after a couple of months, my grandma says he has to get out. My aunt offers to take him in because she has a huge house and rents out rooms. So, he'd be paying rent but not a whole lot, and it would get him out of the SENIORS HOME. Yeesh. So, he goes there for just over a month, refuses to pay rent, threatens my aunt, and when she finally kicked him out he laughed maniacally and explained all the horrible things he could do to her. What a charmer.

So, he ends up back and my grandmothers place. THEN, he gets fired. He tells her some sob story about how another co worker told his boss he (my cousin) was thinking of moving back across the country, so his boss fired him. Don't believe it? You shouldn't! What really happened is that after work one evening he and some co-workers went out for drinks. While out, one of the cooks started talking to a girl my cousin liked, my cousin then by all accounts "went ballistic" (or "Went nuts") on the guy, screaming at him and acting like a lunatic. After, he left and smashed the cooks car window(s). The cook then went to the boss and said "I can't work with this psycho". So, he got fired. No one pressed any charges because he promised to pay for the damages (YEAH FUCKING RIGHT).

So, then, somehow, he manages to sweet talk my grandmother, who is 85 fucking years old, to give him THREE THOUSAND DOLLARS to start a new life. He really really worked her good. He would tell her she's the only person in the world who loves him, his last hope, if it wasn't for her he'd kill himself, he's trying but no one will be there for him, etc. He talked about suicide a lot to her. My grandma found him someone (counselor, psychologist, not sure, someone like that) and was going to PAY for him to go, MADE HIM THE APPOINTMENT, he didn't go of course. So, he said he needed all this money to get furniture, pay rent on a place he had lined up, just get himself going. I don't know WHY she did it. She is on pension, she has no money. Seriously, NO money. She lives cheque to cheque.

So, she gives him the money, and then he gets sick. Apparently, pneumonia. I diagnose laziness. THEN, after the pneumonia, he claims he has to have a root canal and some teeth pulled, and it's going to cost $1,400. He tried to get my grandmother to pay for this. She said hell no, I can't afford that, take it out of the THREE FUCKING GRAND i just gave you (that is not a direct quote :P ). So, then he lay on her couch for another week with an icepack on his face. He never had a root canal. He even made an appointment, just in case she called BEFORE the operation, but he never went to it.

Then she asked him why he wasn't moving, hadn't gone shopping for furniture or anything. He told her, he had no money left. It had been like, three weeks. At that point, she told him he'd have to leave. She was starting to see through this crap. So, he left, screaming about how he was suicidal, took all his pictures from her apartment, scribbled his phone number out of her address book, etc.

Two weeks later, he showed up in the morning before her exercise class saying he was hungry and had no money and nowhere to go. So, she let him in and gave him something to eat. She went down to her class while he was eating. When she came back up, she was going out with a friend to get some coffee next door, so they left the apartment together. My grandma went in her purse to get her bank card to pay for coffee, it was gone. She immediately called and had the card canceled, and her friend took her down to the bank 10 mins later to get a new card. He'd already withdrawn $500, the max he could get on her OVERDRAFT. My grandma literally can't afford a carton of milk right now.

Last night, I sat with her till 1 am. The cops came and took her statement. She's getting a restraining order (so is my Aunt). They can't do anything about the three grand because she did give it to him. They may be able to do something about the bank card. He DID have her PIN though. Long before the theft, he went to the store to pick up some things for her (I've done it many times, she isn't very mobile, she uses a cane and a walker, used to be in a wheelchair). He kept the number. So, its a mess, but above and beyond the money, she's afraid. He's violent, unpredictable, and really scary. As a kid I hated him. Though I couldn't articulate it then, I remember feeling like he enjoyed causing pain and hurting others physically and emotionally. He seemed to have no shame, no conscience, just cold sadistic self interest.

Let me just say, while this was happening we had no idea what was going on. We ALL tried to talk to grandma, to get her to get rid of him. We didn't trust him. But, she's an adult and we couldn't do much. We did call the building manager of the seniors block she lives in because technically she can't have anyone else live in her suite, but we couldn't really get anywhere with that.

She's had her locks changed, all her bank information has been secured. But my poor grandma is scared and it breaks my heart. And she's really beating herself up over this. She was so upset last night she had trouble talking. She was shaking. And, while I think she probably should have known better, I GET it. I get that she wanted to help him. He's her grandson, she had a bond with him from childhood. She WANTED him to be changed so he could have a life and do well for himself and move past all the insanity. I get that. I've been fucked over by people myself because I wanted to believe the best, I wanted to believe I could help them and that they could change. And he is a MASTER manipulator. One thing that haunts me is that he has changed. He's changed from this sort of random wanton insanity to someone who is very charming, charismatic and likable. But the rest of him is still inside there. He still operates with no conscience, no morals, he's still a sadistic narcissistic lunatic. But it's hidden, and he's very good at playing people.

I'm so fucking furious. How could you do that to your GRANDMOTHER?! (well, anybody really). But your own GRANDMOTHER. The woman who would take you in when you were hungry and alone, the person who cared about you when your own mother wouldn't talk to you. The woman who drove you to school, took you to the movies and the park and loved you. The woman who changed your diapers, bought you toys. Most of all, the woman who opened her heart and her home to you, believed in you, stood up for you and protected you. How could you do that? It makes me fucking sick. I want to set him on fire.

And, all I could do was tell my grandma I loved her, give her hugs and kisses, and sit with her. What I really wanted to be doing was finding him and ripping his balls off with a pitchfork, then setting them on fire and shoving them down his gasoline soaked throat.

What is WRONG WITH PEOPLE?!??!!"?!??!?!?!

Oh, she's looking in to getting a mental health order that would basically force him to undergo psychiatric evaluation.

Now to try to read this monster of a post

Is there anyone who could take her in for little while? She's got to be feeling so scared. I'm sure she's probably very independent but really, this guy sounds very unstable. Who knows what he would do? Hopefully he'll be getting some free room and board at the Gray Bar Hotel very soon.

She can't do stairs, she's as bad as I am in that respect. And, she doesn't want to leave her home. They have a security entrance, her locks have been changed, so she's probably as safe there as she is anywhere. He knows where my parents live, and of course his aunt cause he lived there. She actually used to live with my parents, but she had to move in to this building because she couldn't do the stairs anymore. She has severe osteoporosis which caused her femur to shatter and left her in a wheelchair after two surgeries. She's on her feet now, but very unsteadily and never unassisted. Which, in part I think, was one of the things that made her sort of believe he'd changed. He was helping her, cooking for her because she can't really do much of that, running her errands, being so helpful, you know? And because she has so much trouble it really touched her that he'd do that. I mean, she's capable. She just doesn't do a lot of hot meals that require real cooking, she doesn't get out as much, she has trouble getting around but her apartment is small enough and familiar enough, as well as like a 2 min walk (at her pace, at normal pace 20 second walk) from the grocery store, drug store, a couple of places for coffee and some restaurants. Thats a long blurb, but sadly, I don't think she'd feel any safer staying with other family because he's just as likely to go after the rest of us too. Not me, he doesn't know where I live.

He is very unstable, so we have to try and find a way to get the authorities to deal with him. I've made a flyer with his picture to hand around her block so that everyone will know not to let him in and to alert the police (as long as they're still looking for him). My worry was that even though they have a security entrance with a camera and the locks were changed someone might let him in the building because they recognized him from when he was staying there and they'd think it was ok. My grandmother is on the board of the building, and also the entertainment coordinator, so she should be able to get the message out to most everyone.

I'm just so fucking angry with him. And, I'm so mad at myself for not trying harder, doing more to try and protect her. Because I knew what a douchebag he was. Every time she talked to me about him and told me what he was saying to her, I just thought "Wow, that's the most manipulative bullshit I've heard since the last time you told me what he was saying". And I tried to say it to her, but I didn't do enough. She's so sweet and loving and she wants so much to do the right thing, and he deserves to have his brain infested with fire ants for taking advantage of that.

She's lucky to have a family who will look out for her. He just sounds like a sociopath like someone else said...Hopefully there's something that can be done by authorities to get his punk ass off the streets before he victimizes someone else, or worse.

comes out, something we or the cops or whoever can do before like you said, he does something else. I said to one of the cops last night "he's the kind of guy that when they start digging the bodies out of the foundation of his house, his neighbors all say 'He seemed like a nice guy, I would never have suspected!', because people who don't really know him can't see him for what he is" and the cop just said that sounded exactly right.

Scary. And the cops both used the word sociopath too.

eh...someone was going to say it; i get to be first! :evilgrin:

:(

and yes, your cousin is a shit who someone should have set straight a long time ago...

:)

Well, my brother who is like 6'4" and just a BIG guy, his first reaction was "let me beat the shit out of him". Same with my sisters boyfriend. And, same with the cops, though they didn't actually say they'd beat the shit out of him. They just very strongly implied it more than once in every way possible except actually saying it.

This man needs to be locked up before he murders someone.

He is a sociopath and it is beyond his ability to feel any kind of compassion for anyone. It's not like a regular mental illness where people can be successfully treated with medication and talk therapy. He will probably not respond to that. I guess it's worth a shot, though, if you can get him to be evaluated.

How are things going for you now days? Haven't seen you on here for a while. :hi:

but at this point I think we're just searching for anything we can do. It's unlikely that the law regarding the theft is going to do much good. At best, they can try to go after him for the $500, so maybe if he went to court the bank would restore the stolen money, but as a first recorded offense and such a small amount of money (large to my grandma, but small in the grander scheme) he's not going to get in any real trouble. So, maybe this mental health thing will do SOMETHING you know, get a record started? I dunno, we're reaching for anything at all that we can do.

Things are going pretty much the same for me. I'm not around a lot cause sitting at a computer gets difficult, sometimes I can't get up to get to the computer. But, every now and then I check in, read some stuff, rarely comment but I read it! And then I get some other insane drama in my life and I post about it. So really, I'm just using you guys as a deposit for my families dramalicious anecdotes. Seriously, this is getting tiresome. This insanity I mean. Something is always going down, or so it seems. Bad bad year or two.

How've you been?

I'm losing weight, which I really needed to do, it was starting to get out of hand. Other than that not much else is happening. I'm thinking about going into business for myself, but I'm having a problem. I've got one of those treatable mental illnesses and if I try to buy health insurance on my own (rather than through my employer) they will not cover the cost of my treatment. So I'm trying to find a solution to that problem. I guess I could always move to Canada. Do they need truckers up that way? :D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dkLrCALscWk">Oh, gee, what is it tonight?

I have no advice, but I know what you're going through. I have a psychopathic family member myself, though at ninety he's probably no longer a physical danger. Of course, that didn't prevent him from draining my mother's bank account before her death, and living rent free in her house after - no way to challenge that, it's in the will.

All I can do is offer cyber hugs. It does sound as if this creep is so unbalanced he probably won't be at large for long.

Your poor mother :( What the hell is wrong with people?!?!

two peas in a pod. :mad: :nuke: :mad:

Put down the matches and that gas can. Come ovah here... you need a hug. :hug:

I go by the brother standard. Most of my brothers are goddamned bums.

But they meet out justice between themselves. Steal from mother? Someone gets a black eye. I was sexually assaulted once, and a brother beat the piss outta him.

I'm not saying that is the best way, or that I condone violence. It just seems to keep my brothers in line with each other. You cheat, you steal? You get a black eye. You hurt my sister? You'll need a new asshole.

I'm sorry to sound like such a fart, and violence really does make me ill to my stomach. Fortunaltely, they keep me out of it to respect my feelings. I don't like it. But, it works. And it keeps the legal eagles out of it. Mess with me? Or my other sister? Kiss your ass goodbye.

I'm sorry, but I think your cousin needs to have the snot beat outta him. Stealing from mom or grandmother is fucking wrong.

Shoot me now.

as well as my sisters boyfriend, and the cops. But, before anything, we have to find him. And, probably won't actually beat him up or set him on fire. I can see him having my brother say, arrested. Which would be no good :(

I can't imagine even thinking about doing that, what an asshole.

:hug:

about 'borrowing' $40 from her when I was 16 and never paying it back. I only never paid it back because at 16 I didn't have it, and then I forgot about it until just recently

As you said, he seems to have no sense of conscience or ethics and his past willingness and present threats to resort to violence is quite scary. I'm glad your grandmother and aunt have got a restraining order (hopefully there is some way your family can make sure it is enforced and/or can get someone to stay with your grandmother) and I think a mental health order may also be a good idea. This guy is a danger not only to your family but to society

It is infuriating that your grandmother's fundamental decency -her trusting nature, her generosity and compassion and her unqualified love for her grandchildren -got so badly abused. I really do hope that your cousin's actions catch up with him some day

Your poor family:hug: Best of luck in dealing with the situation

I'm so angry I can't even describe it. He is a serious danger to people in general, for sure.

Because he was born without that thing we call a conscience, there is no "right" or "wrong" inside his head. There is only "I want." And his behavior has evolved so as to satisfy that one, powerful, defining, driving characteristic - he wants.

He's never going to change. He can't. It would be like expecting someone to change the color of his eyes through force of will. Your cousin was born damaged, and he is always going to be the way he always has been.

There is no treatment for a sociopath. I've represented them as an attorney, and one was the only client I ever had who scared me - even as he was chained, wrists, ankles, waist to a concrete chair was that set into a concrete floor and I was seated at least ten feet away from him with an armed guard right outside. He was a multiple murderer, and your description of your cousin could have been my description of him.

Actually - and I'm not recommending or condoning this - but if you were to let your brother and your boyfriend loose to beat the crap out of him, that might get rid of him. But, only for a while. People like that always come back. He'd come back and find them and hurt them - even if that meant hurting the ones they love. Your cousin knows only "I want." And if he wants revenge, that's how he'll get it.

Now, yes, invoke that psychiatric law and start making the record. If you can possibly get your grandmother to press charges on that theft charge (I have no idea how it works in Canada), have her do it. Now, you must document it all in official channels, and if that means calling the cops whenever he shows up, you have to do it.

For now, your grandmother's protection is the most important thing, but my guess is that he won't go back there now because he knows she knows what he's done. His last straw, so to speak, and sociopaths are cunning. He won't be around for a while, so she can rest easy.

But the people in the building have to protect her as much as possible, and make sure she's prepared to have him someday pounding on her door. She must be told, over and over, to call the police if he does that, and NOT to let him in. You have to get that through to her. Make sure she doesn't yield in the panic of the moment. Make sure she knows how to call the police.

It's a horrible situation you described, and I feel for you. I am so sorry, for you, for your family. But, you're dealing, quite simply, with a madman, and there is no hope for him. So, all you can do is protect yourselves as much as possible.

Good luck.

perhaps even institutionalization.

Issues with rage, impulse control, and understanding right from wrong.

He's like Dubya, except that he isn't from a rich well-connected family, and so he gets to go to prison or a mental institution, instead of the White House.

the mental health profession does not care to work with sociopaths; they end up getting conned too.

A 25 year old person like this? I don't know.

But, at what point can we judge a mentally ill person? I mean, people have been trying to help him his whole life. He's had counselors, social workers, psychologists, etc, when he was a kid and then as much as anyone could make him as a teenager. He did end up in a home for a while because his mother couldn't deal with him I think in his early teen years. And, of course, more recently my grandmother trying. But others have too. At what point can we look at that and say, there is no help or he will never accept help, he's an asshole and a terrible person and should be cast out? Because that's how I feel. He's exhibited this behavior basically his whole life, and has had people try to help him equally as long. When is it ok to say fuck it and fuck you? (to him I mean)

Which is why I said what he needs is institutionalization.

You're very right - there are some people who simply cannot be "cured" or dealt with in normal ways, and so must needs to be locked up, at least in a somewhat gentle way. Which is to say, not prison, but a place for the mentally ill where, even if they don't get any care, they aren't treated quite like the animals that prison treats people.

You probably could have said "There is no help" for him when he was in high school.

I was not attempting to justify or defend his actions, or to be his apologist by suggesting he's mentally ill, not evil.

Unfortunately, in the current political and social milieu, he cannot be forced into a home against his will. Sadly, society will have to wait for him to kill someone, or seriously harm, at the least.

I was just saying that I get the mental illness, but at the same time...

Well, we can get a mental health warrant. He *has* to go an be evaluated psychologically. If he won't go of his own free will, the police as I understand it will take him. Then, they proceed based on the evaluation. I think only family can order it, and you have to convince a justice of the peace that it's necessary to issue this warrant. I could be wrong, I didn't actually talk to the law enforcement official that explained it, I just heard about it second hand. But, it does exist and could possibly get him in the mental health system. I'm not sure how effective these things end up being, but we shouldn't have any trouble getting the warrant based on what they have in his history on file and what we have to tell them now.

But, at this point with my serious anger, I'll take just about anything that would mete out some iota of punishment for his crimes. Lock him up in a prison, a hospital, whatever, just do SOMETHING. Something to protect other people from him, and something to make his victim feel less powerless and, well, victimized. That really upsets me, that not only has he done all this horrible stuff to my grandmum, but that now she also is feeling helpless and powerless to do anything about it because the law just isn't able to cover this situation.

Anyway, I know what you're saying, and I wasn't feeling upset with you or thinking that you were defending him at all. I've thought about this question before, when is it ok or right etc as I asked. I think it's a tough question, especially because when we reach the point of asking ourselves that emotions are running so high that its difficult to be rational or fair. Now I'm just blathering, but it's difficult to deal with that anger and frustration and hurt while still understanding that mental illness is the real perpetrator. I'll stop typing now :P

You understand that it's just going to be more of the same with him, only it'll get worse because you all are already worn down and worn out.

Now is the time to close it all down and close him out. It's a horrible situation, but there are no alternatives.

And I don't think anything can be done about those.

Can't tell you what to do, hell you already know.

Hugs to your grandma though.

I wish we had more options for dealing with him.

to your grandmother, and to you too and the rest of your family.

It's difficult watching a family member self-destruct and you can't do anything about it.

:hug:

the rest of us, at least my direct family, have had nothing to do with him since he was probably 11 or 12 at the latest. After assaulting family members and all that, we just said fuck it. And, my parents had children to protect from him. So, that part isn't too hard for me, whats hard is seeing my grandmother just put through the ringer like this. She's got no money, shes scared, she is blaming herself and beating herself up. It's awful to see such a loving wonderful person go through this because of such an asshole, ya know?

but here goes anyway. From everything you wrote (especially the early age at which this behavior started), this person is a sociopath. It's estimated around 2 to 3 percent of the population are sociopaths. The brain structures that deal with emotion, especially empathy, are disfigured. A disfigurement that occurs on the face like a cleft palette no one would question, but since it occurs inside the head, people have a hard time believing it's real and chalk it up to a moral failing on the part of the child. No, the child is incapable of acting morally.

Like a cleft palette, it's primarily biology that determines this condition, but environment can also cause it. It happens sometimes when the child is brought up in extreme conditions of neglect and/or abuse. Children adopted from some foreign orphanages where the children were provided no contact for the first few years of life, or even abused, often exhibited abnormal behavior, and some became sociopaths. But usually, it wouldn't matter if the child were raised in the most enlightened and loving environment imaginable, they would still turn out a monster because they were born that way. Environment can also determine which path sociopathy will take. Frighteningly, high functioning sociopaths can rise to very prominent levels in society.

Some of them even learn to channel their deformity for the benefit, more or less, of society. They will become soldiers where aggressiveness and coldness are not considered out of bounds. They will become top executives where ruthless, even illegal, crushing of the competition is rewarded. But most wind up like your example of leaving nothing but destruction in their wake.

At this point, there is no cure. At best, it can only be contained. Although this individual is in a way a victim himself of biology, that's for theoretical discussions. Practical discussions should only involve how to defend ourselves against this nature's monster. You're right to be concerned, he's at the end of his usual targets, and will have to come up with new targets or find more desperate ways of obtaining what he wants via his familiar targets. Sounds like you're taking some decent security measures. Any others you can think of are not unwarranted paranoia. Hopefully nothing will happen, and he will drift into another town to ply his macabre trade, but better safe than sorry. No amount of talking will change him. No amount of appealing to his conscience will do any good, he doesn't have one. He only understands force.

lots of good info in there. Many people have said the same thing about him, I think it's probably true. Your post is a great sort of summary of what this kind of person is all about.

I hope your grandmother will be okay after all of this. :(

That bastard needed to be forced into psychiatric evaluation a long time ago. He needs a hell of a lot of help. x(

I hope they catch him and force him into a ward to get a good, competent evaluation.

And I hope your family never, ever has to deal with him again. :hug:

She's 85, and seeing her on Friday she seemed so fragile I just hope she comes out of it ok. She's actually at that point in life where something like this can have a serious effect on her health and well being.

Some people really, really abuse the generosity of spirit they're granted by other family members (simply because they're family). One of my older cousin's sons had a bad, bad meth problem a few years ago--so bad that he'd resorted to crime to support his habit (he decided to become a dealer, too). My cousin was like your grandmother, always handing over cash for every little sob story he gave her.

One night, she came in from work and found him in her apartment--he'd come in to steal her blind while she was gone. So, he beat her severely--literally left her for dead--and took $70 from her purse. He tried to kill his own mother for seventy fucking dollars.

The state pursued charges against him, and my cousin refused to testify against him, because she "could never do something like that to hurt her baby." That goes a long way in explaining why I don't have much to do with that side of my family.

I'm really, really glad your grandmother is getting the restraining order and cooperating with the authorities to go after his sorry ass. You're a good granddaughter to support her right now--she's going to need it, and she's lucky to have you.

that is awful. I can't begin to fathom what goes on inside the minds of others like that. I try, but I just can't.

I'm trying to be there for her as much as I can. I'm not really able to do much in my situation, but hopefully i can think of something more. It's making me crazy just sitting here, unable to do much for her and she's done so much for me in my life. I love her a lot and can't believe that anyone could treat her like that.

It is very difficult to acknowledge deviance face to face be it a relative or not.
I have had a few where just the thought of setting them on fire has perked me up.

Push him over a bridge, you know? But then it came to me: Fire!

1. It's pretty
2. It's warm
3. It's painful
4. It's really painful
5. It's an expression of our roots as human beings
6. It's seriously, eyeball meltingly painful

In fantasizing...Harder for law enforcement to become involved too.:hug: :hug:

Change enough of it. Get the money and get help for all he has tormented.

Please no testicular violence. :scared: :scared:

If you tell the police he is acting "crazy", make sure you use the word "crazy", it may be quite an extended stay for him.

They don't change. They Can't. They have zero Empathy for any living creature.(other than themselves)

I've seen them Shamed, Jailed....and the Shit beat out of them.

An Hour Later??...Back to the same old Crap.

I KNOW the reasons they are like they are but you know what?
I don't Fucking care..I hate their guts. :)

At least your grandmother has you to fall back on. At least you can validate her experience. That is really important as she grieves the loss of her relationship and her innocense.

I feel terrible for your Grandma :hug: :hug:

:hug:

I don't know what else to say, except that hope she can be free from this asshole in her final years.

Does he have a prison record? Is he on parole/probation for anything?If so, ensure that the restraining order is brought to the attention of the parole/probation order. Revocation might be in order.

Any outstanding warrants? Don't assume the cops checked; ask them to take a look. If you find some, you could just give the cops your best guess on the wherabouts and say "go get him". Or, you can wait. When he comes to the door, you say, "Look, I know you have an outstanding warrant for . Your choice is leave now, or the cops are on their way, and you're going in -- and don't look to Grandma for bail. "

When he was looked up, they found some stuff about his setting fire to schools and whatever, but nothing recent.

Where did the 3 grand go?

I know someone a lot like that. He's completely unashamed of being a lazy bum and sponging off of others... he flat-out told me -- if he can take advantage of people, then that's on them.

I also had a relative who was addicted to crack who did that kind of stuff to their own mother - basically made the last few years of her life a lot harder than they had to be.

No one but him knows for sure if he is, or what happened to that money.

Sounds like it's been a long time coming....

He has no conscience and is incapable of empathizing with anyone else's suffering. If he's also a bed-wetter, then it's even worse.

He needed psychiatric help as a child. The best one can hope for now is psychiatric confinement. It is tragic, but there is no cure for this or even any real treatment.

I'm sure a forensic psychiatric evaluation will be more accurate than my arm-chair observations, but this is what I understand from presentations on forensic psychiatry at the prosecutors' conventions.

humanly possible to help this ingrate, and I hope she knows he can't be trusted anymore. It seems like you have limited contact with him, though; I know you said you never liked him even from childhood but do you suppose he would try to come into contact with you? I mean for any reason? The threat of turning him into a human torch is there...is he even AWARE of your feelings toward him?

Sorry about the mess....hope the situation improves :thumbsup:

And she should have had him committed when he played the suicide card.

money that she could barely afford to give, according to the OP. I hope she didn't suffer any over this cousin. There is taking advantage of ones kindness, and he managed to take that to the ump-teenth degree

and it isn't that easy to commit a 25 year old person. You can just go "AH HA you said suicide!" and people crawl out of the woodwork to take him away. You can -try- to get a mental health order, and if you do get one based on your testimony then you have to try and convince the person to comply. If they don't, you have to submit to the authorities and wait for them to find the person and take them in. Then, they undergo evaluation and what happens then is dependent on the Drs, the law, and his own ability to fuck with people.

If he was to say, tell a cop he was suicidal while they were say, arresting him, they can just take him straight to the hospital for an evaluation. But, we can't do that. Having people forcibly committed is a pretty long process requiring evidence and professional evaluation. It's kind of interesting to learn about. I never really thought about it, but now that I am thinking about it it's interesting to learn how it can be done while trying to respect peoples rights and liberties, and trying to prevent abuse of such a system.

...and onto what's-his-name.

When I was small, my family had moved away from my parents' home town to about 90 minutes away. My Dad's mother was very posessive of my father and did not approve of the marriage. (They were married in June. I was born in October.) So, to get his attention, she used to telephone late at night telling him she was suicidal and he would rush back to her house. This happened several times. Finally, he got sick of it, called the police and told them she was expressing suicidal intentions. They went to her house with restraints and brought her to the psych ward and gave her a tour. That ended that problem.

I haven't spoken to him since childhood. I doubt he even thinks about me ever. He is aware that basically everyone in his family has given up on him or wants nothing to do to with him, so I guess that includes me, but I highly doubt he's aware I'm even still alive.

A well known classic example of a sociopath is Ted Bundy. Your cousin sounds like a sociopath. Do be careful, and I am so sorry you are having to go through something so terrible. I know that I would want to pound on any of my cousins if they had done this to our Grandma! The anger you must feel I bet is just incredible.

Particularly since he's using charm to manipulate people and hide who he really is. Too bad the talk of suicide is just talk. I hate saying something like that, but it seems that if he killed himself, a lot of problems would be solved. I hope your grandmother is ok and will be able to afford what she needs. And I hope your cousin doesn't bother her anymore. The best thing for you all would be if he again moved to another part of the country and none of you had to deal with him again. WTF did he do with all the money she gave him? Does he do drugs?

:hug: