Depressed

I thought I found a woman who was perfect for me, we get along so well, we both want the same things, but of course story of my life. I thought things were going well when I get this "I don't think we will be more than friends!" What the hell does a nice guy have to do to get ahead? I mean this isn't the first time that this has happened. I usually end up the friend that they come to when whatever guy was better than me fucks them over that they cry to. I give support but I do sit there thinking, well wouldn't be in this situation if you had just given us a chance! Okay rant over, thank you for your time.

:hug:

for "FWB"....

the feelings just aren't there.

Hang in there. There is a good woman out there for you :hug:

Now me, I am wondering where all the nice guys are. So far I met almost exclusively the assholes.

So when it is a normal one, it is a refreshing change.

My advice: cut her loose and try to find someone else to spend your time and effort on. I'm not telling you to not be friends, but if it's a girlfriend you're looking for, you need a fresh start. Women size us up as potential boyfriends pretty quickly, and once you're categorized as a friend, that's pretty much it, move on.

Even in such a short post, I detected some clues for you to ponder. First of all, when you first meet a woman, make sure that you don't come on too strong. No life stories right off the bat. I don't know how long you had talked to her, but it sounds like you were idealizing her by your use of the word 'perfect.' Everyone has flaws and you didn't know her long enough to have enough information to be able to find out if she is indeed a perfect match for you.

Detachment is very important. People can smell desperation a mile off and a healthy person will not be attracted to it. So keep it light, polite, and focus on her and not yourself or jump to calling the two of you 'us' (your last line).

Well we didn't just meet, it has been a few months now. I was respecting her wish to keep things slow and not rush into anything. I didn't come right out and tell her my entire life story, and she didn't tell me hers. We have taken the time to get to know each other, unfortunately it didn't work out for me.

My use of the word perfect was a little hyperbole on my part. Of course she has flaws and so do I. My point is that it has been a long time since I found someone that I could talk to for 6 hours and not get tired of it.

and then are flabbergasted when the 'love of their life' turns out to be a lush!:rofl:

I think that you meet The One when you aren't trying to. But I also think that there are many ways of going about it. Perhaps if you belong to groups for which you have a passion? I know you probably don't need my advice, but I feel like I have a few things to share.

Not a drinker, loves hockey, and has a good head on her shoulders. Compassionate and kind, works with a special needs kid on her time off. Really as far as I am concerned the whole package. There are some other things about her that I know that would turn some men off, but doesn't bother me in the least.

rather than just playing some game and saying it...

...once she's past her prime and putting on weight and none of the "bad boys" will look at her twice anymore.

Then she'll be ready to settle down with a "nice guy".

truth to it ...

No matter how you see yourself, you are.

If it hasn't been happening, you just haven't met the right person for you yet.

Keep hunting :)

:hug:

How and where are you meeting women? How many dates have you had when you think you've met the 'perfect woman'?

It took dating a lot of guys, marrying the wrong one, getting divorced 7 years later, being single
and dating for another 5 years before I met, then married a year later, the man of my dreams--which made me 34 when we met and 35 when we married. Monday was our 24th anniversary.

Give yourself some time and try to learn something about yourself along the way.

:hug:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XAXutCG2h9E

:evilgrin:

Well, maybe or maybe not -- the sad reality is, not everyone wants a relationship, regardless of gender or persuasion, or if they do they are sometimes too picky and won't consider (or even comprehend) compromise. Which then begs the question if they are relationship-worthy at all - for they may be cheats (sexually, psychologically, financially, or anything potentially worse than those).

When it has come to women, I have made the wrong choice each and every time all my life. I am just tired of the games and have absolutely no desire to ever date again (it's been 2 years since I dated at all). I am perfectly happy and comfortable with my own company and although I am not antisocial I am nonsocial. I have zero interest in dating. Too often women claim they want a nice guy who treats them well but end up going for the bad boy who treats them like crap.

Good luck with the dating scene. I won't b.s. you with the platitude that there is somebody out there for you because there may not be or you may not find them. Learn to be happy and complete within yourself so you can bring a whole and complete person to any potential relationship. Just don't make dating or finding someone the focus of your life. Ultimately and honestly, maybe dating is not for everyone.

except that I try to lose interest in dating ,and try to accept the good possibility that I'm destined to be alone forever, am also utterly sick of the games and bullshit...and yet still hold out this foolish sliver of hope that I'll still meet someone to be more than friends with that won't flake out on me . A lot to ask for it seems...I admire your ability to have given up and to be content with that.I hope I can achieve that level of serenity and acceptance some day.

That's happened to me at least twice. The first time I ended up with my ex-wife, a relationship that lasted ten years.

A couple years ago, after being divorced for two years, I gave up looking again. Just a couple months ago, I met a wonderful woman, and things are getting serious.

It seems that once I get used to the idea of being single for the rest of my life, I meet someone. Go figure.

when I don't try, I've gone years on end without so much as a date, much less a relationship.

I've already distanced myself from people I felt either liked me or that I may end up liking myself. The quickest way to make me disappear is to show an interest in me.

Of course, I'm such a misanthrope that I don't even want any new friends, let alone a relationship. :)

...

I'd hardly call that BS.

...

And one person's experience != a majority.

:eyes:

I had an English teacher my senior year in high school who told us that if we were not married by the time we were 30 that we would get set in our ways and it would be difficult to make that commitment. That is very true for me and I have never been married and at this point see absolutely no reason ever to be married. I am alone, but not lonely. I enjoy my solitude and love that I can do what I want, when I want and I do not have to consult with anyone or deal with anyone's moods (nor do they have to deal with mine although I am pretty even tempered).

I admit that when I was younger I always assumed that I would be married, but it just never happened and once I let go of the having to date and find someone it has been very freeing. I can enjoy women and appreciate an attractive woman without having to try anything and to play the game and be "on". I have let go of the weight of not finding anyone and that it must be because something is wrong with me.

The fact of the matter is that the older we get, especially in our 50s, the more baggage we have and the more baggage any women we might seek will have. There's not necessarily anything wrong with that, it's just a result of life and we all relate to people and judge them based upon past experiences and relationships which can be good or bad.

My choice not to date really only has meaning because it it a choice. I am not a hunk, but neither am I a troll. I am nice looking enough and at my age having a full head of non-gray hair is a plus. I have most of the qualities that women "claim" they are looking for, but I also got so sick of the games and dishonesty of dating with its elation and depression. Thanks, but no thanks--pass. This lad is leading the simple life now and enjoying it. (I have a tattoo from the movie "V for Vendetta" with the V logo and the word "FREEDOM" above it and "FOREVER" below it and it has taken on a new meaning now.) I love women, I just don't want to date them.

:hug:

We have all been there with you.

It's better to have it never start than to find out she was the wrong one all along.

...

All heartache, no joy. I'm convinced I'll never be happy. My heart is nothing but broken.