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Lawns are like breasts - God only made so many perfect ones out there...

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LynneSin Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon May-25-09 04:10 PM
Original message
Lawns are like breasts - God only made so many perfect ones out there...
and the rest of us either need to accept what we have or have a little 'surgery' to fix them up.

Seriously, I'm about ready to plant sod back there - I hate lawn care.
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styersc Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon May-25-09 04:13 PM
Response to Original message
1. Just a warning.
If you plant sod, you will itch and have a hard time putting your shirt on.
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LynneSin Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon May-25-09 04:14 PM
Response to Reply #1
2. On my lawn silly
I accept that my breasts are what they are
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jeff30997 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon May-25-09 04:19 PM
Response to Reply #2
3. Yeah well....

It's easy to say when they are fabulous. :P
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styersc Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon May-25-09 04:19 PM
Response to Reply #2
4. Boy, did I misunderstand the question.
My back yard backs up on to a swamp so I cut the half closest to the house and the back half remains natural. I have deer, hawks, owls, a wood duck living in an oak and just realized that turtles are using my yard as a nesting area- and I live in the city!

In all honety, the "yard" is more weeds then grass but the animal friends it attracts makes it worth the absence of effort.
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LynneSin Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon May-25-09 04:29 PM
Response to Reply #4
9. My yard is so fenced in the only animals I get are bird and stalker cats
nothing else could get in there.
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Haole Girl Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon May-25-09 04:30 PM
Response to Reply #4
12. LOL!
I misunderstood the question too.

:rofl:

So much for multi-tasking.
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flvegan Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon May-25-09 04:20 PM
Response to Original message
5. Yeah but I can pass a REALLY nice looking lawn and not stare.
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LynneSin Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon May-25-09 04:33 PM
Response to Reply #5
16. Oddly enough I keep staring at my neighbor's lawn - all nice and green
I don't find myself staring at breasts although this one girl we saw out at the bar had the hugest set of breasts I have ever seen on anyone. That was like the solar eclipse - you know you shouldn't stare directly at them but you can't resist. Poor girl must have the worst back problems and they had to be natural
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Haole Girl Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon May-25-09 04:27 PM
Response to Original message
6. .
Edited on Mon May-25-09 04:31 PM by Haole Girl
oops.
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KamaAina Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon May-25-09 04:27 PM
Response to Original message
7. And they both have those pesky "Keep Off The Grass" signs
:(
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XemaSab Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon May-25-09 04:29 PM
Response to Original message
8. Fuck lawns
Rip that shit out and plant flowers.
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sarge43 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon May-25-09 07:02 PM
Response to Reply #8
21. Sing it. Grass is a waste of good dirt.
A bit of lawn for accent or play area for kids, otherwise flowers, flowering bushes, veggie patch, herb garden, trees, wild flowers.

Lawns are basically sterile environments. There's a reason why they're difficult to maintain in good health. They support little and almost nothing supports them.
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ismnotwasm Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue May-26-09 11:36 AM
Response to Reply #21
48. I hate lawns
Mine? Little by little, it's going down. I'd rather have a yard full of mint. Or Lemon balm, which is a plant wants to control my entire yard, my neighbor's yard and will probably find a way to my first born child's yard. Still, it's better than grass. (I will have a lot of mint, in select areas. I want to see if I can get chocolate mint to thrive)

I have one of those little hills in front of my house that's crying for a rock garden. Lawns suck
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sarge43 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue May-26-09 12:18 PM
Response to Reply #48
50. Creeping thyme is another great ground cover.
Bees and butterflies love the flowers.
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DBoon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon May-25-09 10:02 PM
Response to Reply #8
32. I planted wine grapes in my yard
The SoCal climate is perfect for them, they require very little maintenance compared to a lawn, they conserve water, AND the harvest is drinkable
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LynneSin Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue May-26-09 01:26 PM
Response to Reply #32
57. Ironically my house came with a wine press in the basement
Of course this thing is 70+ years old and not in good shape.

The house was built in a predominantly Italian neighborhood and all the houses on our side of the street have presses in the basement. And you can't take this thing out - it's part of the basement foundation.
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DBoon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue May-26-09 07:09 PM
Response to Reply #57
60. a little Prohibition-era home brewing?
70 years ago would be just about right for that
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Sky Masterson Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon May-25-09 04:30 PM
Response to Original message
10. I like big lawns.
I don't even care if they are real or AstroTurf :P
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LynneSin Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon May-25-09 04:31 PM
Response to Reply #10
13. So does this picture turn you on - its all natural.....
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Sky Masterson Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon May-25-09 04:33 PM
Response to Reply #13
15. Well.
Just look at all of those people who are there to look at it. :D
It makes me want to score.:hide:
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In_The_Wind Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon May-25-09 04:30 PM
Response to Original message
11. Well ~ my lawn isn't perfect.
No sod plantings going on there.

How are the Morning Glory vines?


:hi:
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LynneSin Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon May-25-09 04:31 PM
Response to Reply #11
14. I hate those morning glories....... but they are starting to sprout
I pulled alot of them out so they don't cover my entire back yard
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In_The_Wind Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon May-25-09 04:43 PM
Response to Reply #14
17. Have you seen any hummingbirds around them?

I'll bet Evita loves to watch the birds from the back upstairs window.

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LynneSin Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon May-25-09 04:54 PM
Response to Reply #17
18. Evita isn't allowed in that room - I have a roommate now
and she is ok with cats but doesn't want cat hair in her room
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In_The_Wind Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon May-25-09 05:00 PM
Response to Reply #18
19. See what happens when I'm away from DU for awhile ...
cats are baned from their favorite haunts


Well, anyway, your friend has a lovely room.
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madinmaryland Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon May-25-09 05:48 PM
Response to Original message
20. A little slow in Delaware now that Joe Biden is gone?
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old mark Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon May-25-09 07:10 PM
Response to Original message
22. LS: I hate grass - we tilled our entire yard, put in shrubs, flowers,
and fruit and mulched the whole thing.
Life is too short to mow the fucking lawn.

As far as the breasts, perfect really all depends on your personal definition, doesn't it? My range of acceptability is pretty wide in that area.

mark
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kwassa Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon May-25-09 08:29 PM
Response to Original message
23. Lawns don't wear brassieres.
They go au naturale, displaying their glory to the public.

At least we know whether lawns are perfect or not.
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Digit Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue May-26-09 02:30 AM
Response to Reply #23
35. If the glory means erect nipples the neighbors might have issues with them
If they are not erect, then they are merely brown patches and you may have to work with them somewhat.
If vigorous reaction to brown patches occurs, problems could ensue with the neighbors....(see above)

But your lawn might be happy. ;)
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Xipe Totec Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon May-25-09 08:31 PM
Response to Original message
24. There are no perfect lawns
on the other hands...

:P
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Left Is Write Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon May-25-09 08:36 PM
Response to Original message
25. If I were going to compare lawns to a portion of the female anatomy -
it would probably not be breasts.
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flvegan Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon May-25-09 09:30 PM
Response to Reply #25
30. What part would it be, dear?
:evilgrin:
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blue neen Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon May-25-09 08:53 PM
Response to Original message
26. Even if they start out perfect, it sometimes takes a little maintenance to keep them that way.
;)
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jobycom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon May-25-09 09:03 PM
Response to Original message
27. ... and the rest he covered with hair.
Hm. Works better about heads than breasts, doesn't it?
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Richard Steele Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon May-25-09 09:12 PM
Response to Original message
28. Bullshit. Every breast is perfect & special in its own way.
Big ones,
small ones,
young pert ones that jump out of tank tops to point at the moon,
& old wrinkly ones that look like a grapefruit in a pink leather tube sock...

They're all fucking MAGICAL, and I love them all, every one.....
Just because I'm a man, and they are BREASTS.
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rcrush Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon May-25-09 09:23 PM
Response to Reply #28
29. You just brought a tear to me eye
:cry:
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flvegan Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon May-25-09 09:31 PM
Response to Reply #28
31. The man is a poet, people!
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Richard Steele Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon May-25-09 10:11 PM
Response to Reply #31
34. "Poet" might be a bit much....
But there are a few subjects that I have STRONG opinions about,
as you have probably noticed from time to time. :eyes:
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sarge43 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue May-26-09 12:28 PM
Response to Reply #28
51. You deserve a
:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:
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triguy46 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon May-25-09 10:04 PM
Response to Original message
33. My inlaws lawn owns them. They are 82 and 80 and their lawn controls their life.
Is it green enough? Does it need another mowing? feeding? dethatching? It is so sad to see them obsess over something so silly.
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MajorChode Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue May-26-09 07:40 AM
Response to Reply #33
40. People obsess over much sillier things
...and gardening is probably what contributes to their longevity.
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triguy46 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue May-26-09 12:39 PM
Response to Reply #40
52. I don't consider the obsession for a weed free, fertilizer overloaded lawn to be gardening.
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MajorChode Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue May-26-09 01:09 PM
Response to Reply #52
53. It is as much as most any other type of gardening
How do you think most people grow flowers and vegetables?

When you get old, and the kids don't come to see you any more, and your penis doesn't work, you need something to give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning.

"Honey, I'm going to go out and mow the lawn today."

"But you just mowed it yesterday."

"I know, but it might rain tomorrow."
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Tektonik Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue May-26-09 03:27 AM
Response to Original message
36. Lawn = pubes?
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Bucky Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue May-26-09 06:58 AM
Response to Original message
37. Question: does the sod match the Curtain's?

these
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MajorChode Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue May-26-09 07:34 AM
Response to Original message
38. It's not that difficult to restore a bad lawn
The easiest and best thing to do is fertilize, make sure the lawn has enough water, and mow correctly which means to the correct height for the type of grass you have and no more than 1/3rd at a time. If you do those three things and nothing else, your lawn will eventually look respectable. A healthy lawn will choke out most weeds.
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Blue_Tires Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue May-26-09 07:39 AM
Response to Original message
39. i'll be the judge of that
show us your uncovered lawn!
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Deep13 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue May-26-09 09:19 AM
Response to Original message
41. I don't think perfect lawns are remotely perfect.
Edited on Tue May-26-09 09:19 AM by Deep13
They are usually full of chemicals, wasted water and fertilizer, devoid of other species of plants or of tiny animals and are wholly unnatural. If I had my way, my lawn would look like natural prairie (which is what we have in this state) and would be a home to wild flowers, grasshoppers, rabbits and wood chucks. Unfortunately, the yard gestapo requires we keep the lawn trimmed and the weeds controlled.
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MajorChode Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue May-26-09 10:15 AM
Response to Reply #41
45. No garden is truly "natural"
We have the English to thank for the modern lawn.
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Deep13 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue May-26-09 11:13 AM
Response to Reply #45
47. The grass is different there because it rains so much. nt
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MajorChode Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue May-26-09 12:08 PM
Response to Reply #47
49. Grass is different everywhere
In the south we use warm season grasses that are well adapted to high temperatures and less water. In the north they use cool season grasses which give them a shorter dormant season. Many extension offices develop local varieties that are even better adapted to the environment.
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Tommy_Carcetti Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue May-26-09 09:21 AM
Response to Original message
42. When my wife and I go on walks around the neighborhood....
....we inevitably come down with "lawn envy" after seeing how some houses compare to ours.

On the other hand, we're much better off than some others, so it puts things in perspective, more or less.
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surrealAmerican Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue May-26-09 10:08 AM
Response to Original message
43. ... if you have more than two, it just looks wrong?
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no name no slogan Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue May-26-09 10:10 AM
Response to Original message
44. Lawns are like breasts-- no matter what they look like, they're all fun to roll around on
:thumbsup:
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La Lioness Priyanka Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue May-26-09 10:19 AM
Response to Original message
46. i hate laws. they are so unnatural. plants a garden or somethign instead
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LynneSin Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue May-26-09 01:10 PM
Response to Reply #46
54. That's just as much work as a lawn
Personally I want to just rip it all out and put a deck in there. The yard isn't very big.
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La Lioness Priyanka Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue May-26-09 01:20 PM
Response to Reply #54
55. yeah, but atleast you get fruits and flowers out of it. lawns are environmentally unhealthy too
my parents took out their lawn and put a deck in it.
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LynneSin Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue May-26-09 01:22 PM
Response to Reply #55
56. Like I said - that requires work and a green thumb will help
:cry:

If there was a humane society for the abuse of plants they would be protesting on my front porch. I kill plants no matter how much I try

:cry:
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La Lioness Priyanka Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue May-26-09 01:26 PM
Response to Reply #56
58. you and me both. i have killed a few cactii. who knows how.
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La Lioness Priyanka Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue May-26-09 01:26 PM
Response to Reply #56
59. you and me both. i have killed a few cactii. who knows how.
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Parche Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue May-26-09 07:58 PM
Response to Original message
61. why do yours look like sod?
:woohoo: :hug: :loveya:
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