What Are Grits?

What Are Grits?

Nobody knows. Some folks believe grits are grown on bushes and are harvested by midgets by shaking the bushes after spreading sheets around them. Many people feel that grits are made from ground up bits of white corn. These are obviously lies spread by Communists and terrorists. Nothing as good as a Grits can be made from corn.

The most recent research suggests that the mysterious Manna that God rained down upon the Israelites during their time in the Sinai Desert was most likely Grits.

Critics disagree, stating that there is no record of biscuits, butter, salt, and red eye gravy raining down from the sky, and that God would not punish his people by forcing them to eat Grits without these key ingredients.

How Grits are Formed.
Grits are formed deep underground under intense heat and pressure. It takes over 1000 years to form a single Grit. Most of the world's grit mines are in South Carolina , and are guarded day and night by armed guards and pit bull
dogs. Harvesting the Grit is a dangerous occupation, and many Grit miners lose their lives each year so that Grits can continue to be served morning after morning for breakfast (not that having Grits for lunch and dinner is out of the question).

Yankees have attempted to create a synthetic Grits. They call them Cream of Wheat. As far as we can tell the key ingredients of Cream of Wheat are Elmer's Glue and shredded styrofoam. These synthetic grits have also been shown to
cause nausea and may leave you unable to have children.

Historical Grits
As we mentioned earlier, the first known mention of the Grits was by the Ancient Israelites in the Sinai Desert . After that, the Grits was not heard from for another 1000 years. Experts feel that the Grits was used during this time only during secret religious ceremonies and was kept from the public due to it's rarity.

The 10 Commandments of Grits
I. Thou shalt not put syrup on thy Grits
II. Thou shalt not eat thy Grits with a spoon or knife
III. Thou shalt not eat Cream of Wheat and call it Grits, for this is blasphemy
IV. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbors Grits
V. Thou shalt use only Salt, Butter, and red eye gravy as toppings for thy Grits
VI Thou shalt not eat Instant Grits
VII. Thou shalt not put ketchup on thy Grits
VIII. Thou shalt not put margarine on thy Grits.
IX. Thou shalt not eat toast with thy Grits, only biscuits made from scratch.
X. Thou shalt eat grits on the Sabbath for this is manna from heaven.

Amen!!

To be honest as a Yankee I've probably had grits maybe 3 times in my life, although they offer cheese grits in our cafeteria. Cute post though.

Tabasco sauce goes on eggs, or they may taste like eggs. That may remind you that you're eating gelled amniotic fluid.

It's best to mix the eggs thoroughly with the hash browns, and then douse them in Texas Pete (don't want to be accused of shilling for the Tabasco folks).

Anything else just isn't right.

"Dogtown's just not right!"

I know this English guy who was driving around in the South. And he stopped for breakfast one morning somewhere in southeast Georgia. He saw “grits” on the menu. He’d never heard of grits so he asked the waitress, “What are grits, anyway?” She said, “Grits are fifty.” He said, “Yes, but what _are_ they?” She said, “They’re extra.” He said, “Yes, I’ll have the grits, please.”

and an egg.

Grits, butter, egg, salt, pepper.

The way the Goddess intended.

sandpaper. If mixed with water to a proper consistency, grits can be used as plaster, particularly if you have an old house with sand and horsehair plaster. Great for patching.

What did you think i'd say, I'm an old yankee. Never even saw grits until our daughter went to college in Virginia. I was one of those from "up north" who had to ask, "Whats Grits?" and the answer was "what, you never had grits"?

You have to ask only once. I think it was a lovely young girl at Shoney's in Charlottesville who put me straight.

Never asked again. No need!