How to set limits without hurting someone's feelings.

I'm really bad at this.

This week I told one of my sisters that the happiest day of my life would be the day she stopped calling me.

I know I messed up, but I was just so overwhelmed and so tired of getting caught up in family drama that I had nothing to do with.

Any advice on letting loved ones know that you are just exhausted, and it's nothing personal, but you need them to leave you alone.

What if they respond, "This is a family crisis? If you can't be here for this, what good are you anyway?"

"this is the kind of bullshit that makes me not want to be a member of this family" didn't work out too well for me last week.

I suspect there is no avoiding bruised feelings sometime. That's why most people resort to lying.

you were overwhelmed, not in the mood (whichever applies) and did not have the resources to be able to share right then.

Tell her you need some time to yourself and that you will call back when you feel up to the family circus again.

I sort of know how you feel, I have kept my sister in law at arm's length because she's just so damn needy.

Or are you just using being tired as an excuse for stating something you really wanted to say?

If you meant it, own it, and quit the self-flagellating. Your routine is tired, so it's time to give it up.

If you didn't mean it, you have an obligation to call your sister and apologize.

And "what if" questions are worthless. If you're going to do something, just do it and quit playing that game.

You either take responsibility for your actions or you palm them off with feeble excuses, and then look to strangers to back you up.

Suck it up and do what's right for you ..........................

:banghead:

If she's still upset with you, at least you tried.

The next move would be hers.

I have resources, am a calm person and am usually helpful. However, this just causes the drama queens to seek me out.

Lately I have been overwhelmed with my own responsibilities and this just causes more histrionics. I have decided that I am not going to go back to being there for people.

If they can’t handle it, then so long and good riddance. This does not apply to family, they will always come back.

Major manipulation there dude! Tell them you are having a crisis of your own and you didn't come running to them.

you should apologize. You can keep distance , but you don't have to say THAT ?!!!

tell her that the drama is taking a toll on you. That you would prefer to miss it, when possible. You are happy to help them when they need help and enjoy their company, but the drama is just too much for you.

I have a buddy who's always looking for something when he shows up (and it's not just me; he does this with pretty much everyone).

These days, I can't do as much for him as before. Frankly, he resents this, and gets real pushy and even pissed-off when I won't agree to do something for him. (He knows if I agree to do something, then the odds are I will do it.)

I've tried various things (like reasoning with him; ignoring it), and the only thing that works is to get unpleasant (which I hate to do; life's too short to spend it in ugliness -- plus it's hard to do so without disturbing your tranquility... although it's possible). He doesn't like this (who does?), but it keeps his pestering and unpleasantness within bearable limits. (Although at the time, he just gets more pissed-off; later on, he tones it down.)

Notably, I'm just about the only friend he's kept for the last fifteen years; the others (that I know of, anyway -- and there are plenty) had enough of his constant attempts to use people.

And it's his doing (nature) I have to resort to this.

and say what you just said to us. I hate drama too, especially family drama, and I hate being used as a pawn.

instead of lashing out.

Tell them you need to take a break. And take one.

As to the "This is a family crisis" gambit, it's a gambit. Passive/aggressive. Don't play that game.

I think an appropriate response might be,"I'm tired. I'm no help to you unless I take care of myself, now." Then walk. No further discussion, because anything following will be mere entanglement and coercion.

I've heard that here and there.

Some of the responses here are good, esp. #12.

Apologize for that part, I think.

But you know what you are capable of giving to your family. And you have a right to set boundaries.

Good luck.