I have a socialization problem. - Democratic Underground

Neoma

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Thu Jun-11-09 01:29 PM
Original message

I have a socialization problem.

I met a woman working at the local bookstore who likes non-fiction too. I don't know how to ask when she gets off work without sounding like I'm asking her out.

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JVS

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Thu Jun-11-09 01:30 PM
Response to Original message

1. Then just ask her out!

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Neoma

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Thu Jun-11-09 01:31 PM
Response to Reply #1

2. I don't want a date, I want a friend.

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SKKY

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Thu Jun-11-09 01:51 PM
Response to Original message

3. Recommend a book to her, or ask her for one...

...then go from there. :shrug:

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NJmaverick

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Thu Jun-11-09 01:54 PM
Response to Original message

4. Do lunch or coffee, those are non-date type activities

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Neoma

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Thu Jun-11-09 02:02 PM
Response to Reply #4

7. What I mean is that...

Asking, "Want to grab a cup of coffee?" sounds like I'm asking someone out. Is that a misconception?

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NJmaverick

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Thu Jun-11-09 02:04 PM
Response to Reply #7

8. It's ambiguous really

Most would assume it was a friendly gesture, but some might read into it more. I guess you could always add the "as friends" qualifier.

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Neoma

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Thu Jun-11-09 02:07 PM
Response to Reply #8

10. Oh.

I had always considered it a sly way to ask someone out. Maybe I have just watched too many movies.

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NJmaverick

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Thu Jun-11-09 02:09 PM
Response to Reply #10

11. that reminds me of the old Seinfield show trick

make a bet for dinner and then deliberately lose the bet.

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Neoma

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Thu Jun-11-09 02:14 PM
Response to Reply #11

13. I never did watch Seinfield.

I was too young for it when that show was on the air.

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NJmaverick

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Thu Jun-11-09 02:34 PM
Response to Reply #13

14. You should try to catch the reruns

they covered all sorts of social rules

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Neoma

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Thu Jun-11-09 02:35 PM
Response to Reply #14

15. There's rules?

You mean I can't be spontaneous and do things my own way? Darn.

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NJmaverick

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Thu Jun-11-09 02:37 PM
Response to Reply #15

16. Oh you would be surprised how many rules they cover

it's pretty funny and educational.

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Symarip

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Thu Jun-11-09 01:56 PM
Response to Original message

5. Look, all I'm saying is I'll videotape it.

Don't worry, there's points on the back end of the deal for you guys.

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Neoma

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Thu Jun-11-09 02:01 PM
Response to Reply #5

6. Huh?

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Sanity Claws

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Thu Jun-11-09 02:05 PM
Response to Original message

9. Why do you want to ask when she gets off work?

Is it so that you can be there and then ask her to join you for coffee?
It seems like you have to ask her to join you on something anyway so do it now.

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Neoma

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Thu Jun-11-09 02:10 PM
Response to Reply #9

12. It's raining now, it'll have to be tomorrow or something.

Yeah, it's just to ask if she wants to grab a coffee or something to socialize.

It's not that I'm bad at socializing, but I realized that asking her out for coffee or something might come off wrong. I asked for someone's phone number once since she knew me from 3rd grade. It ended up sounding like I wanted a date and she never answered her phone.

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handmade34

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Thu Jun-11-09 02:48 PM
Response to Reply #12

17. no rules

don't worry, if she is someone that will become your friend, she will get what you are saying, or ask for clarification... and really it is a date, just maybe not a date that ends in a sexual relationship.

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Mr. Ected

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Thu Jun-11-09 02:56 PM
Response to Original message

18. Don't worry; she can't read your mind

Tell her, I like non-fiction, you like non-fiction; let's chat about what we've read...

If she wants to take it as a come-on, that's her perception and you can't change it.

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Phentex

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Thu Jun-11-09 03:51 PM
Response to Original message

19. Ask her where she and her friends hang out...

Tell her you're looking to meet new friends and go from there. If you meet with a group, it won't look like such a come-on.

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