Pregnancy at 45. Should I do it?

I've had one baby who is now 22. I've met the love of my life and want to get married and have another baby. I was a single parent on the first go round so this would be a completely different experience for me. We are financially stable and in excellent health. Is there anyone out there who could share their experiences? What do you think DU?

GREAT that you've met the love of your life!

I had my first 10 days before my 40th birthday, and my 2nd 3 1/2 years later; no probs. (The 'baby' will be 21 in 1 week!)

Consider your resources, physical etc., as the baby grows.

Good Luck!

:hi:

My mom is 35 years older than I, and as a kid I always felt like I was the kid with the old parents, although they didn't act like it.

in a scenario that is fraught with risks?

I just remember my aunt at that age having to decide whether or not to abort a baby with birth defects after amnio... she opted to terminate, but it was heart breaking...

Do what you and the love of your life want to do. Either way, I think it's awesome that you are so happy!

:hi:

I know I wouldn't do it, though, personally (not that I could anyway). My body could not keep up with a toddler.

Only you can decide it it's right for you and your SO. And if you think it would be a good life for the baby you would bring into this world.

Please don't feel you need a child to solidify or complete a marriage, though. THAT would be the wrong reason to have another child.

Good luck with your decision. Hope it works out for you, and your SO, whatever you decide. :hug:

I have three grown children ages 28, 25, & 23. After divorcing their father I NEVER thought I would have or WANT another child. But at age 42 I got pregnant. What a shock, but she is the love of MY life and keeps me young as a 30 something.

Here she is:

What a pretty little girl.

my mom was 36 when my youngest sister was born and she said the same thing.

my daughter has never said she felt like the kid with the old parents. Her friends thought we were the cool parents.

Find a doctor who has a lot of experience in late life pregnancies if you can. Of course when I was pregnant, I was classified as an 'elderly primagravida" which loosely translates into 'too old to be pregnant for the first time' (LOL) That was when doctors advised not having children after age 32. Times are very different now.

Best wishes to you and your True Love.

That baby wasn't planned. She didn't think she would get pregnant at her age so she and her guy hadn't been using birth control for some five years...SURPRISE! She was 3 other kids, 2 are younger (8 and 6) she has a grown son who is 22. Baby #4 was actually her easiest pregnancy (she had lots of complications with the other 3). She had to have a scheduled C section but she had one with her first child so she knew what to expect. Anyway her daughter will be 1 in September and she is a cute, healthy, happy baby. My friend is a very high energy person and makes me dizzy with her constant motion sometimes! (She'll be 47 in a couple of weeks)

If you're healthy and in a good place emotionally and financially I don't see why not.

She does say, however, that she wishes I had her when I was younger. Still and all though I have no regrets.

The pregnancy was difficult, and the baby has had problems.

Unless you are prepared for the worst case scenario, (what if you end up on bed rest or are sick throughout/what if you can't work for nine months/what if the baby has an ongoing problem, such as colic,) I would seriously consider adoption, but that's IMHO.

I've have my own fair share of infertility issues and finally had my last child at 41. BUT knowing many people in an 'infertility' community leads to some level of education and exchange of information.

So with that in mind, I adored being pg when I could finally gt there, and would do it at 45 if I were in your situation and frame of mind. BUT, the body may not be in tune with heart and mind. So in the back of your mind, don't waste tons of time trying for something that may not happen. Have a good endocrinologist do some basic checks of hormone levels, and if you are not pg fairly quickly remember that (1) age plays into adoption as well. (2) do not discount using younger, donated eggs and your new dh's sperm

pretty much the rest of your active life you'll be looking after someone else

it may in very rare situations be right for a 45 year old woman to have a baby BUT if you have to go on the internet and ask...come on...you know the answer is not just NO, it's HELL NO

so that's what i think -- it's something that you will deeply regret yet because there's a small helpless person involved you can never admit to your regret and yet because kids just know, the kid will pick up on it anyway, and just ugh ugh ugh!!!

you are only 45 and you don't yet quite grok what's going to happen to you when you're 50 and start getting that restless feeling, trust me, menopause isn't just something that hits the fiftysomething male -- it's funny how we as a society USED to know this pretty basic fact of biology

i can't believe how twitchy i get, and the thought of being like a teen-ager again in impulse, sex drive, and irresponsibility AND having a 5 year old to raise -- without the teen's physical energy -- well -- that's a scary thought

also even if you were the one middle-aged woman in america who will never have a hot flash or a mood swing or put her hand on a cute 25 year old -- and at 45 having just met "the love of your life" you no doubt think you are this one unique woman -- then there's still the fact that the children of women over 40 could have significant health challenges -- even those that are born healthy have a lower life expectancy

as you get into middle age, you have these crazy ideas that seem like great ideas at the time, most of the time, if you want to stay out of trouble, don't act on them right away, just try to sweat it out and let it pass -- remember being a teen-ager, it's like that, except that now we should have the mental tools not to just act on all of these crazy ideas, we CAN control this

so...sorry to be the little note of negativity but come on...it should be a no brainer to the average person that having a baby at this age is shitty for the child and shitty for you

if you'd NEVER had a child i could be more understanding, altho i still think it's a pretty bad idea

also at 45 you are old enough to know that the love of our life VERY FREQUENTLY changes when there's a baby in the picture, what do you do if he walks off? because it does happen, and it happens a lot...who the hell goes into a relationship with a 45 year old woman expecting a baby? after the first year of changing diapers, with a fortysomething's rather than a twentysomething's energy, what's the sex going to be like? are you even going to be having it with each other?

and what if the child is disabled? sure i assume you will test/terminate for things like down's but there are things for which there is no test, and it's not going to be easier to deal w. an autistic child (say) at 45 than it was when you were in your 20s and had more physical stamina

So yeah, i freely admit...i have NO personal experience here just as i have NO personal experience smoking crack cocaine...we humans are given brains so we can make observations and learn from other people's mistakes...there are some ways to screw up that i just don't have to learn from the school of hard knocks

i just don't see any upside that makes up for the potential risks

love the child you have and forgive yourself that she didn't have a "perfect" childhood, hot news flash, you could do it over a million times, and you will never be the perfect mother with the perfect child, there are no do-overs, just do-differents


well, that's my advice, it seems a bit harsh to read my words, but i'm not good at tactful
so i must apologize in advance for my bluntness

i just don't think the polyanna's saying "go for it" are your friends or that they'll be standing there for the next 21 years while you raise another child, WAY too easy to give cheap false bullshit encouragement on the internet...so easy that it's cruel

you have successfully raised a child to adulthood and you are 45, it's ME time, don't let any man (not even one who claims to be the love of your life) take away your freedom, you have earned it

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child. It's not like I'm in prison. I'm not trying to remedy anything from the raising of my first child. I've met someone that I'm in love with and the circumstances would be ideal. I don't have to do this. I'm not soliciting medical advice. Once again, I was just curious what others experiences have been. DU has a wide variety of smart people on it. So I asked. Unfortunately in every crowd there seems to be haters, even here. I kind of expected that too.

You are asking DU? In the Lounge? :wtf:

I would take ANY advice you receive in here very, VERY lightly. But good luck with whatever you decide.

make a decision for me.:eyes: I am just curious about the thoughts and experiences of others on the subject.

Just remember how much manual labor goes on in those first five years

and how long have you two been together? are you the same age? does he feel the same way?

you both have to really want another baby and be willing to accept the risks or disappointment if you can't have a baby or if you do conceive what if the baby is diagnosed with severe birth defects?

What about your health? are you in tip top shape now?

Late pregnancies have all sorts of risks and could affect your health for a long time. Hell I had my kids in my 20's and had pre-eclampsia and severe dental problems as a result of my pregnancies.

(note, you don't have to answer my questions above, but these are the questions you need to ask yourself and the person you are involved with.

if you both know the risks, the committment, the issues at hand, then go for it.

mutual decision. I am in excellent health as is he.

Pregnancy at 45 can be risky for both mother and baby. I know some cases that have turned out well and some that have turned out tragically.

Offering an opinion up or down here is irrelevant because there are so many factors involved.
I do wish the OP the best in coming to the decision.

I agree with the post you agreed with and with your post.

You both gave the response I would give.

Best of luck and wishes for all good things to the OP.

I would personally recommend against having a proverbial bun put in your oven, but people are known for doing weird things at times. Houdini had fun being locked up underwater. Evel Knievel reached cloud 9 on a motorcycle, apparently...

.

Do you really want to deal with that?

that I'd be ready for Depends at about the same time my son's were ready for condoms...
I had them at 37 and 41...
we're now 61, 20 and 23.

They beat me to the condoms...
and don't see Depends in the foreseeable future.

edit to add: I'm very young looking and acting for my age...
and think being an older Mom attributed to it greatly.

She replied " You are my mom and beautiful, of course we will always be best friends." I just left it at that.

Me and my buddy and I'm wearing my DU FUGWB Tee-shirt!

I never had kids. I don't regret that; I would have been a lousy parent. And the exposure to young people that you got from your children, I actually got from continued exposure to young adults in the workplace.

I retired, waaaay early, a few years back and, to be honest, I miss being around the 20 and 30 somethings. So I see your point. But having said that, not every 60 year old (and I won't be there for a while yet) is prepared to deal with raging adolescent hormones, growing pains, and the like.

i'm 46 and childbirth is nothing I've ever wanted, but I fully support my female friends and their partners who want and are prepared for that experience. If you two want this and are prepared to see it through, take your naysayin' peers advice with a grain of salt and just go for it. :hug:

:hide:

My mother was near 60 years old when I graduated High School.

I was a 'save the marriage baby'...didn't even come close to
working out that way....Older parents can litigate, maybe even more robustly than younger parents.

Food, shelter, clothing, health care, education...pretty much the basics a child needs growing up..

You say you are pretty sure you'll have those available for the 25+ years that most young
ones need support from their parents.

Be realistic about your health (physical and mental) and remember, just like with younger parents,
you need to have a stable loving, support system for any child should you not be there.

Tikki

For all the various reasons given above. Of course I personally never imagined having any and I had 2, plus raised a 3rd so that is my credibility level.:crazy:

In my life I do not closely know anyone who chose to get pregnant at that age. I do have a good friend and neighbor who got pregnant and had a child at 45. She is one of the coolest people I know, even if a rabid republican "patriot" type. Her son is a bit of an ass (as in similar to a spoiled "only" child), but normal in all ways I can judge.

But the odds of it occurring naturally are VERY slim to none.

If you are actively seeking this out, please be aware of what it will take on your part to make this happen (fertility, ivf, etc.). Also be aware of some of the outcomes from having a child at an advanced state (birth defects - trisomies, multiples - from fertility/ivf type of approaches), etc.

L-

Isn't this the same as soliciting medical advice?

It is NOTHING like soliciting medical advice. Seriously, why are you being so fucking snarky in a LOUNGE post for fuck sake?

as being one of the deciding factors. ie. there could be complications. I wouldn't want to know I contributed to that.

and she seemed to do pretty well, but in time, she tired faster. But then again, she had a full time job, was raising 6 other kids, and was virtually a single parent since my dad ws a bit of a spoiled brat doing his own thing.

Go with your gut instinct on this one.

when I came about. He was too old, but my mom was younger and wanted me and my sis. I don't regret existing, but when I hit high school I started having to deal with a lot more hospital visits and the like than most of my piers. There's nothing to make ya think quite like getting the close up view of what genetics has in store for you.

Among my friends, I know those with older and younger parents than mine. Younger parents don't tend to raise the most responsible kids. Tend, there is no rule, but there are trends. Older parents seem to raise more responsible staid children. Again, its a trend not a rule.

There is no question that you can do it if you decide to. With medicine you almost certainly have the ability. You seem to have the monitary stability and the health, though those are always subject to change given genetics, environment and economy. I wont mention accidents, as those can happen just as easily to anyone, no matter the age.

I would say that your prime consideration should be the child that you are considering bringing into this world. What will his/her life be like? What future is likely? What opportunity and quality of life are realistically probable for that child?

Please have a good discussion with your doctor about the risks, first however. But in the end just ignore everyone else and go with your heart. I know many, many women have really enjoyed being mothers after 40. There are also many women (such as myself) past 40 who are very happy to have that part of our lives behind us and look forward to enjoying other people's babies. Of course only you know what is best for your life, but whatever you decide--good luck!

It is not unheard of but you should weigh the pros and cons.

Pros - You are experienced and financially stable. A kid can make you feel young.
Cons - You don't have the energy of a 30 year old mom. Keeping up with a toddler can make you feel old. You may be mistaken for the kid's grandmother (not that worrisome, imo.) Some increased risk of Down's Syndrome and other congenital diseases.

playing house like youngsters?

When the honeymoon is over & you've got an infant & 20 years of serious parenting ahead, will it still seem like a good idea? When this child graduates from high school, you'll be about 64.

As another poster indicated, what happens if love-of-your-life bolts after a few years? Who do you think will be responsible for raising this child? If something happens to him, will you be capable of dealing with this responsibility.....physically, emotionally, & financially?

Just some questions you need to ponder on before taking this HUGH step!
Like jumping off a cliff....once you do it, there's no going back.

My personal opinion would be no. I'm 53, have a 22 & 20 yr olds. You have your child grown, too. Now is the time to ENJOY your freedom. Why not enjoy THAT with the love of your life. You may also have grandkids come along before too long. I'm sure you'll want to enjoy them.

THINK LONG & HARD ABOUT THIS DECISION.