Make your own Dane Cook Joke

I did not write this - I wish I did - he's spot on

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Start out with "So the other day,"

Talk about some mundane activity that everyone does. This is sure to build a connection with the audience. They'll be thinking, "Wow. He's just like me. I do that too!"

Repeat what you did in a sentence fragment. Then yell it and add the word "fucking."

Wait for the female screaming to end.
Add in some ridiculous, unrealistic aspect to the story. Maybe make up a word here.

Mention one of your old jokes. Fanboys who have heard this joke will clap appreciatively.

Go off on tangent telling another story. Return to step 1.

Go back to your original story, which you almost forgot about due to an extreme case of ADD.

Exaggerate. Every. Single. Detail.

Become a victim of the story going on.

Violently thrust your body around. Just imagine you're epileptic. Don't worry about the context of your story, most of the audience is too dense to follow more than a sentence or two at a time.

Small tangent here.

Don't forget to keep saying "fucking."

In a fell swoop of Deus Ex machina, overcome the odds and become the victor of your story.

The more unrealistic the victory, the better.

Add a tangent on how you would further achieve victory in the most ridiculous way possible.

Nod your head and say "Yeeeeeeah, that's right!" to the crowd as they give you one of numerous standing ovations at the end of every "joke".

as if it's a brand new concept, lol.

Cerebellum.

Cerebellum!

He's walking really fast, so his impact with the bar knocks him unconscious. He slips into a coma and can never perform again.

Now, THAT was a funny Dane Cook joke!!!!

Yeah, we chopped him up and now we feed him to our dogs, he's cheaper than the horse meat we normally use.

That is the most clear-cut case of abuse I've ever seen.

Those poor doggies.


You bastard.

In the tradition of Dane Cook.

He just spazzes out like an idiot, babbles like an idiot, screams like an idiot, makes faces like an idiot. He's a fucking idiot.

...
:shrug: No good?

Andy Kindler points out that much of Cook's writing employs speculative premises, portrayed as axiomatic, resulting in observations that possess only the pretense of insight.

Pretty much sums it up for me.

Those words don't belong together in a sentence.

"Dane Cook IS a joke" would be a prefectly logical, acceptable construction.

:bounce::silly::bounce::bounce::crazy::shrug::banghead:(screams unintelligibly):headbang::woohoo::woohoo::silly::woohoo:(removes clothes):cry::spank::woohoo::woohoo::freak: (and finally):nuke:

Why is this prick not one of the Darwin Award winners yet?

He doesn't need my help.