I was running home from high school once...

in order to be on time for my job after school.

A bird shit on my head.

So now, I have to shower before work, and I couldn't be late.

So I am frenzied, trying to take a shower and dry off and dress in time to get to work.

I got out of the shower, dressed, combed my hair, and quickly put my glasses on.

Too quickly.

The goddamn stem of my glasses went about 4 inches up one of my nostrils.

So now I have a bloody nose.

I was so pissed off that I punched the door to the linen closet, put my fist through it, and my hand swelled up to the size of a softball.

I remember thinking that was going to be the worst day of my life.

Little did I know.

I could wrap around my waist. Did I mention I had sat on a hornet's nest and was stung 10 times in the days before high school? Was quite a start to my high school career.

when the little boy next door to the doctors' office where I worked decided to leave me a handful of big, ripe blackberries on my car seat. I had an appointment at the gynecologist's office and was leaving when I sat on the blackberries. I was going back to work after my appointment and I didn't have another clean uniform so had to decide whether to go straight to the appointment with a big purple spot ("what's wrong with HER?!"), or rush home and rinse it out, and take the chance of being a bit late. I rushed home, rinsed and put lemon juice on the spot then let the sun shine on it for a few minutes. The blackberry juice pretty much disappeared, I threw my uniform on, and made it, huffing and puffing, to my appointment.