I had a horrible dream about an ex-girlfriend last night. What a way to start the day.

Wow, this was a bad one. I don't dream every night but when I do, it's very life-like. I've been having vivid dreams all my life. This one of the movie ones. I call them that because you can't control your actions and it's like your playing out a script.

So in the dream I see this ex and her sister at a party, they invite me out with them to another party and whatnot. We went to a movie but got separated and I had to sit in another row. Then I can't find them and I walk to my car and find my tires slashed! I then get a call from the ex on my cell telling me how much she misses me and wants to see me again. Then my cell broke. I spent the whole running after her and just missing her with accidents/people/situations keeping me away. It was like some damn teeny-bopper movie. I never did catch up to her.

Eventually I woke up and then came the worse part. Really powerful, vivid dreams don't always end the second you wake up. So I get up out of bed and take a step to continue the dream...and reality re-asserts itself. I realize where I am and then I'm hit with the fact I haven't seen or heard from this woman in years. So I shrug on some clothes and go outside for a smoke.

I would like to say I don't know why I dream of her sometimes. I would like to ask "why don't I dream of the women that came after her?" I would like to pretend I didn't know the answer but I do. She's the only woman I've ever loved. There have been other women. Nicer ones, ones I had more in common with and got along with better. But did I love them? Can't say that I did. Those women were nice parts of my life. But I don't dream about them.

I hate dreams like this. I have considered the matter of this woman closed a long time ago. But it still pops up on occasion. Like that old movie line, "You may be done with the past but the past is never done with you." So I'll shake off this weird feeling I have like a punch to the chops. I'm glad I work the night shift tonight. Less chance of dreams.

that it's time to allow yourself to love again.

It's possible to do so; but it's scary to make yourself so vulnerable. :hug:

Thank you.

:pals:

Takes a while to shake it off, especially at 4 am, one of those dreams so vivid that you have to get up.

It takes me a cup of tea and about 5 smokes.

EX's ruin my day

We are arguing, always arguing. And he is always screaming, at me, at the world in general. Always the rage.

For me, it just means, I still have a need to supplant those memories and wisps of memories with better ones from better people.

I'm not sure why I have them. They are always about my husband and when I wake up and he's snoring beside me, I punch him. I'm usually mad him the rest of the day too. I don't know how it is his fault, but I know it is.