i have to give a "it's not you, it's me" speech tonight

:banghead:

I am glad those days are behind me.

we haven't been dating long enough to be a couple, but we've been on enough dates that i can't just ignore his calls and put it behind me that way, lol.

More specifically, I find that I am unable to overcome the impulse to roll my eyes when your name appears on my caller ID. Every time we do speak on the phone, I find myself reviewing a grocery list in my head...to be honest i do that during sex as well. I cringe and try to hide when we are out on a date and I see a good friend that you will never meet. It's unfair really to expect you to put up with such behavior. Like I said, it's not you... it's me.

:rofl:

me, I'm sane. :think:

at 18, there are still some masochists who will accept it thinking they can change your mind. The rest of the time, it's an empty platitude. You don't really want to be their friend and they're probably not going to be keen on seeing you date other people.

I think a safe age for applying the "we can still be friends" option is 35 and older

it really means "don't hate me because I'm dumping you."

Almost no one really ever means it, so why say it at all?

Have issues with white lies and euphemistic talk because of my Asperger's so I didn't get the "I'm breaking up with you" signals. So embarrassing!:banghead:

although in my case I thought she'd change her mind when she realized that I was better than the rest of the males in the US.

I'm kind of conceited...and think of that as a good thing now; I f^&king rock and if she wants to date other people that's totally her loss. I mean I'm brilliant, I can cook, I'm blessed with unique talents, I'm a great conversationalist, I make a great drink, I'm cute as all get out, I can totally dress myself(I have a great sense of fashion), I'm self-sufficient as a working artist/writer/activist and I have a 10,000-book collection. I'm damned right that I'm a catch, if I may say so. I also have a healthy and appropriate level of self-esteem...and I'm single. Can't overrate the positive net effect on the universe that I'm not cheating on a SO.

Edit: This requires a :crazy: smiley. I just like to toot my own horn sometimes. I think too many people don't like to say or think about how much they bring to the table for fear of being thought to be full of themselves.

Most people don't realize that false modesty is a kind of egotism too. Rather like "I can't say how much I rock, but I'd like YOU to do it for me." :D

untimately, it would be my call, not his, and in my time, not his.

We did end up being friends, after awhile. He stayed out of my face and left me alone. One day, about a year later, I ran into him at the store, and everything was fine with us.

I can't say that would have been the case with other men I've dated, though.

which i assume are versions of "we can still be friends" :P

Hope it's all uneventful.

:rofl:

:evilgrin: :D

nah.. is several things ;)

let him down gently, and don't wear the purple top :evilgrin:

in seriousness, it does suck to give that speech... make sure to add the whole "still be friends" part and smile a lot.

about heading down to the Piggly Wiggly...

But, I'm sorry Ava has to give that speech - but, better now than in 6 months or a year.

nope, not a bag boy :P

Oh, I guess you can soften the blow a little bit, but honestly is the best policy. Say something like...

                    "It's not you; it's me. You bug the hell out of me.

Me.                                        

Me me me me me me."                

;)

just curious

Honesty is best. But in my opinion, the "it's not you, it's me" is so cliche that it's impossible to say it sincerely.

:evilgrin:

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Go, Ava!

Someone said "It's not you ..." to me once. Puuuuleez I thought, don't insult me with vacuous fluff, cut to the chase. So I interrupted with an equal-strength cliché, and probably too loudly, "Are you dumping me?" My erstwhile companion responded "That is so juvenile, we're not adolescents." True, but we weren't characters in a soapie either.

I know INYIM is an attempt to spare the rejected one's feelings. But, hearing it over an over again really gets old and can be kind of condescending.

These days I prefer it straight up. Something like, "Welcome to dumpsville. Population: you."

There is nothing more cliche than the "It's not you, it's me.", and especially don't do the "let's still be friends" thing.

Be honest. Tell him that he is not what you are looking for, or whatever the real reason may be. It will be a lot easier on him than knowing that you are lying and wondering what the real reason is.

and truly, it was me, and not her.

Update please.

:popcorn:

'dead or alive' implies stalking!

hey Grovelbot - leave Ava alone!!!


:-)

-app

Or dumping this guy so you're free to date Woody? Although you may be a bit old for him.

i was just saying that i had to have that type of discussion. ;)

it went well.. his ego seemed a bit hurt but otherwise it went well. i just explained that he and i had fun but this wasn't going anywhere since i'm leaving next week and that it would be unfair for me to mislead him into thinking otherwise. i made it clear from the beginning of our hanging out that we were friends just having fun and i was not looking for a boyfriend/girlfriend type relationship, but he started saying we were "dating" to people which lead me to believe that he misunderstood me. told him to keep in touch and call me if he's ever in NYC and i'll show him around. that's about it.. the conversation was fairly short since it was one-sided.. he hardly responded to anything i said. he's a nice enough guy, but i was never interested in pursuing a romantic relationship with him and i made that clear. i don't think what i did was "dumping" as much as making sure things are clear and saying a goodbye before i leave.

but, glad that's behind me. now onto NYC! where i already have a date(that both parties consider a date, lol) set up :D

Speaking of NYC, I heard a rumor about a DU meet up sometime.

;-)

Sucks when stuff like this happens but for most of us it has to happen, or should.