An old anecdote that describes today's Republican mindset (slightly updated)

Once there were two men named Smith and Jones who were the two most prominent residents of a small town. They hated each other's guts and did everything they could to sabotage each other on a personal and professional level. It got to the point where their antics were poisoning everything that went on in the town.

It must have been a slow day in heaven, because an angel came down to try to resolve the mess. He brought the two men together and said, "You have to learn generosity of spirit. I'll grant each of you a wish--anything at all--but whatever you wish for, the other one of you gets two of."

Smith asked, "So if I wish for a billion dollars, then Jones gets two billion dollars?"

"Yes," the angel nodded.

Jones asked, "So if I wish to become president, Smith gets to be president twice?"

"Yes," the angel nodded.

Smith asked, "So if I wish to be the star of a blockbuster action movie, then Jones gets to be the star of two blockbuster action movies?"

"Yes," the angel nodded.

Jones asked, "So if I wish to have an affair with a gorgeous, perfect woman, then Smith gets to have affairs with two gorgeous, perfect women?"

"Yes," the angel nodded.

After a long, nervous silence, both Smith and Jones blurted out in unison, "I want one of my balls cut off!"