Any advice for stopping teenage bully stalking my son?

This has been going on for about 9 months now, we've talked to the "parents" a total of 6 times (they're a joke, republicons too) just had police out for third time, we've met with school administrators too.

This last event had the bully send a kid to my son at lunch telling him he was going to get his ass kicked after school. My son (6th grade about 75 pounds), stayed late after school thinking the kid would go on home but he waited to jump him and knock him off his bike. When he finally succeeded, my kid got up and cussed at the kid and came home. The school's answer after my husband requested they be proactive but to keep them separate, was to put them in a room together and send them home with notes for us to sign. The statement on my son's warning letter was "cussing can be considered a form of bullying".

A side note, my husband is military reserve Lt Colonel and a federal agent so we don't cause problems and won't tolerate our kids doing it either, but we will support them if they defend themselves, the only problem is my kids are very small.

Bear in mind this bully was held back in school so he'd be bigger for football (yeah this is texas-disgusting) and he flunked so he's that much bigger, they retaliated when their dad found out they had concocted a story that my boys were a threat to them by breaking out a window of our house, and apparently they haven't figured out the Secret Service has an agent that lives very close to us and is a friend of ours because this kid (because the school in their infinite wisdom had elections last year using the actual candidates and they are now able to identify the democrat families) says he hates Barach Obama since he's a N____. You get the idea.

Our thoughts are this so please let me know if you think I'm on the right track.

1) meet with higher ups in school admin, file letter with school stating that cussing after being threatened, stalked, and knocked off your bike is a reaction, not bullying.
2) get temporary restraining order and let school find something to do with this problem kid.
3) ?

Is it possible to sue parents for allowing their kid to continue harrassing ours? I'm not opposed to suing the school either. Oh and by the way the policeman said no crime was committed last week because he said my kid shouldn't have cussed at this kid and he said he could have stayed on his bike and gotten away.

HELP!

When I was in middle school and high school in Texas our schools were treated like prisons. If someone even LOOKED at another student like they were going to fight we had campus cops hauling our asses away.

They seem to do this when my husband is out of town since he travels a lot- so they seem to be stalking the house too. You can't even talk to the parents they are so out to lunch so to speak.

I have the campus police on my cell phone from last year, the city police and campus police are talking but nothing constructive is taking place. I appreciate the fact that they want to appear to be neutral, this kid weighs at least 40-50 pounds more than my kid.

Another military family had this problem last year and they recommend we get them in self defense classes.

I'm leaning toward getting all of my kids in the isreali self defense course.

It's an amazing self defense and it is street fighting for people to protect themselvs.

You also need to get a lawyer to protect your family. When you go to the school get your lawyer to go with you so they know that you mean business.

Make sure that if anything happens to your property that you get the police there, take photos etc.

Good Luck!

in the movie don't mess with the zohan?

You mean really rich and white? I think that may be your problem.

the rich white one we figured would be more bullying.

I grew up in the country where I was isolated from socioeconomic influence, so I've never seen this type of thing. We didn't see this on military bases either. And of course the military is the best example of successful integration of every type of person there is.

So while there are some really great kids here, there are several really rotten apples.

You think D/FW is a rich, white enclave? :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

My laughter emanates from my place in Fw Worth and my office in Grand Prairie...

Seattle, WA is a great area for families.

I have just sent you an e-mail

I think if dad showed up at the parents house after work in "uniform" (I assume he carries a sidearm) and driving the official FED car and without saying anything about his job, says, "I'm concerned about this ongoing behavior, and it's affecting my work " they might get the message.

Your husband has to do what he's comfrtable with, and might not be so with this approach. But if dad knew he's ultimately responsible for sons behavior it might go a long way.

But this is always an ominous sight in front of your house, that you have to explain to neighbors later:

say no more.
Maybe he knows some paid agents he could ask to accompany him "for his own protection"?

Never heard this terminology before.

for the additional duties, expenses or training they incur.

There are some draft bills floating around to provide tax credits for them however, but congress can't seem to get them passed.

I've never heard of such a thing.

There were some "people" I wish my parents had flung restraining orders against.

Until our schools are reformed*, nothing will change.


* and by reform, I do not mean math class where teacher asks kiddies "What does 1 bottle of coca-cola plus 2 bottles of coca-cola make?", unless it's Pepsi doing the sponsoring because they can both bugger off with their indoctrination crap. :D

som is very slim, glasses and academic. waited for bullying, and got some jabs and some boys not favorites, but nothing really has amounted to bullying. sounds like you have done a lot fo things and still no results, but i really dont have the answer for you. i would hope a talk with parents ONCE would do it. maybe it is going ot have to be you, htere picking kid up, dropping off and kid staying away from the other.

sorry your son is going thru this.

i hope you all are able to resolve

Nip it in the bud right away with as much force as possible.

This kid isn't going to stop if his parents are encouraging him. :(

...and lets the bully get himself into trouble if he doesn't keep his distance.

This larger kid has physically assaulted your kid and someone has vandalized your home. This, in addition to the ongoing psychological beating that your son is taking from this thug.

I can't tell you what I'd do, as I have the lowest tolerance for kids bullying kids. I think that your thoughts #1 and 2 are good, and should follow them, at least showing intent to reasonably resolve this.

Since the school isn't doing anything about it, and considering much of the recent news about the long-term effects of bullying, yeah, I'd probably sue the school. If anything, until the lawsuit is resolved, they'll probably be more inclined to watch out for infractions.

Not to promote the idea of violence, I think that self defense classes are a good idea. If he can defend himself, all the better, but it should also help teach him another level of discipline and give him more confidence. From what it sounds like of the area, this likely won't be the last bully he encounters.

Also, he's in 6th grade so he's around 12, right? If you have space and he has any interest, maybe not a bad idea for him to get his first set of weights.

Just my 2 cents. Good luck to your son and your family.

A TRO might not be a bad idea. However, the PD might not believe your son when the bully violates it, unless there are others who witness the incident.

If you think the bully is stalking you and has vandalized your house before, you might consider a surveillance system for your home (if you've got the bucks.) Then, the second the bully slips a toe across your property line, you can press charges for criminal trespass. I bet having to appear with "little Johnny" in front of a juvenile court judge would get his parents' attention.

I think it may be helpful, until this kid is sent to juve.

It's what I did, after many a frustrating month of my second oldest getting beat on a daily basis, and the school district doing nothing, and the parents denying everything.

We sued the living shit out of the district, and the parents of the bully.

They begged us to stop; they were getting killed in court.

They settled.

If you are so inclined, ask the school administration if it would help them if you got an attorney involved.

Though I know nothing about having kids that are bullied other then that I was bullied occasionally until I was 12 or 13.

It's not the cheapest way, but neither is it terribly expensive, and a letter to the parents from a lawyer will probably scare the pants off of them, and they will certainly take an interest in controlling their child's behavior.

if someone was doing this to you, you'd have them put in jail

your kid is a person and is entitled to the same respect

sure, get a lawyer and sue for damages (money) as well but that should be secondary to putting the person assaulting your kid in jail/juvie

It's the only way...

As someone who has dealt many times with bullying in the past, in my experience there's only one thing the bully will understand: Respect. That means you have two choices:

1. Your son must make the bully respect him. This often comes to violence, but sometimes that can be avoided.
2. The bully's parents must make him respect others.

As your son is small, and the school is at least attempting to keep them apart on their property, I don't really see an opportunity for you to take path #1. So, you'll need to find a way to take path #2.

Whatever you do, don't involve the school. They've already made it quite clear that they don't wish to be involved. The letter you received stating "cussing can be considered a form of bullying" was in code. What they really wanted to say was "This is your problem, deal with it. We're not interested in justice or what's right, we're interested in a quiet classroom."

Consider this a war of attrition on his parents. Phone calls, house visits, whatever legal options you can pursue. Get people from the community involved, especially parents of other children that have been bullied by this boy. Annoy. Them. Constantly. Ignore threats of harassment proceedings, because trust me when I say they don't have the guts, and they wouldn't have a case anyway.

Eventually, and maybe sooner than you think, they'll get the idea. If they would just keep their son in check, people would leave them alone. Once it's more of a pain in the ass for them to let him do his own thing than it is to discipline him, you'll see a change in his behavior mighty quick.

Doc Martins...and teach him how to kick the bully pre-emptively in the crotch...after the bully hits the floor, three swift kicks to the side of the head, three to the ribs...and then say forcefully...

"Leave me alone asshole...or I'll really f**k you up next time..."

A swift kick to the balls makes about 90% of them think twice. Every once in awhile you get that crazy kid that doesnt learn from kicked balls and he ends up in jail soon.

I went through that crap for about a year...living in England during the early seventies...Football hooligans in Brighton...Finally a few of us had enough...we got together and decided to fight back...

Took a page out of their own book...banded together and looked for our opportunity...Bullies travel alone...just a matter of time before they're on their own...

If I were in this boy's situation my first thought would certainly be to demonstrate the "fuck with the bull, you get the horns" mentality. But sometimes, bullies have other bully friends. Neanderthals DO tend to live in groups for survival, after all...

all they have to do is band together...

My third grader is bigger than that. Jesus.

Seriously though, I was bigger than that in the sixth grade, and I was two grades ahead (so probably two years younger than this kid) and grew up to be an extremely small woman.

He should be checked out because if any medical interventions are needed to make sure he grows to a reasonable size at adulthood, they'll be most effective if they're undertaken before/at puberty.

But he's a hunk and I like manly men who are smart.

Or do you have family friends with older sons? Get them to stomp the bully. Then he'll stay away. It works, I've seen it.

they are starting a Dads Watchdog group at school so are hoping that helps.

What's that?

Anyone can wait and ambush someone on a bike, like if they're behind bushes or whatever.

As for your ideas, yes, take it further up the chain of command with the district. Most have a strict, no bullying policy. Go ahead with an order of protection. Bear in mind they may have to change your son's schedule if they have classes together. Go for it!

know we're not alone!

being bullied...

If all of them get together they can put an end to it... Remember

“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has.”


Margaret Mead...

She went to the school to meet with the principal after all of the preliminary talk and discussions with kids, teachers, recess duty people, principal, assistant principal, and nothing changed. THIS meeting she went in mad as hell.
She said, "My sister is an attorney, a good one. I won't have to pay attorny's fees when I sue this school district and the parents (of the bullying child) for putting my child in danger by allowing this other child to yell at her, hit her, chase her, grab her, write, with markers on her clothes, her books. The school has become an unsafe place for my daughter. I have kept a written record of each and every meeting with school personnel and the parents, and a record of each and every bullying situation that my daughter told me about. I will be sending a letter to the parents informing them of the coming suit if nothing changes." Then she got up and walked out.

The bullying stopped immediately. Sometimes you just have to issue the threat and be prepared to follow up on it if nothing else works.

go to the District Attorney's office and file charges for assault and battery.

Then, get a good civil lawyer and sue the parents and the school district.

Money is the only thing evil motherfuckers understand.

The school won't do shit unless there is a layer staring at them threatening them with a lawsuit.

Signs and exercise my constitutional rights and stand across the street from the school so all the parents can see me.

I'm thinking of having a different quote every day. Then I think I'll hand out flyers telling everyone that if their child has been bullied, I'm taking names and compiling them along with the names of bullies.

Then I think I'll call the paper and tell them about my mission.

But of course I'm still getting a lawyer and enrolling my kids in the self defense class.

But sometimes just sneaking up on someone and superkick to the balls when they arent expecting it works wonders. I've seen it done once on someone who REALLY deserved it once. Its really effective.

inquiring minds would like to know.

he's fed LEO and military? practically EVERYONE in texas has a hardon for that shit. he could descend from a Walker Texas Ranger SUV and unleash ass whooping.

you do realize this story has the stank of BS all over it.

i knew kids whose dads ONLY owned car dealerships and JUST THAT was enough to stop all kinds of BS. The child of a lt. colonel fed agent would get better attention in ANY school district.

my personal contact info. Please Call!

That and bullies generally don't expect their victims to start hitting back.

I was a small shy kid myself and victim of bullies. About the only thing that will put an end to it is hitting back. You and the School can't protect him 24/7 everywhere he goes. I don't think your son even needs to win the fight. Just being willing to engage in voilence which can cause pain to the bully is likely enough to make the bully move on.

Invite him and his family to a cookout at your place. Make it a fun evening for kids and adults alike. Focus on the things which you have in common, steer away from the things that divide you.

sometimes it's easy to forget that the bullies need help and kindness, too.


:hi:

because then YOU will end up in court because your 75 lb boy "bullied" this other kid. I can just see now the other parents sitting in court, hanky to their eyes, testifying about how their little darlin' has been scarred for life while they silently count the $$$$ they think they can get from you.

I know many here are advising your son fight back because that's how they handled a similar situation 20 years or more ago, but the world has gotten much more litigious since then, not to mention the zero-tolerance policies many school districts have adopted post-Columbine. It won't matter to the school if your child is simply defending himself. The school already has warned you where they will stand on any retaliation when they suggested that swearing was tantamount to bullying. It won't help your son to get expelled along with this kid.

The suggestion to lawyer up and threaten to sue is probably your best bet. Go to the school board if you have to. Hell, go to your state representatives, too. The squeeky wheel gets the "grease."

(assuming they have one, most schools do now) and let them know that you will make a huge stink if it continues... maybe even have your lawyer or a lawyer friend write the district a letter. This kind of stuff can't be tolerated, it goes against all school policies and is bad for all kids, not just yours..


:hug: good luck!