Sven, Ole and Lena....

The 'circle flies' post reminded me of these. I have lots of Minnesotan relatives so these make me laugh...

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"I need to buy some boards there, Sven."
"How long you want 'em, Ole?"
"Long time. I'm building a house, ya know."

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So Lena was competing in the Sons of Norway Swim Meet and she came in last place in the hundred-yard breast stroke and she said to the judges, "Oh say, I don't vant to complain, but I tink those other two girls were using der arms"!

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Sven and Ole went out duck hunting, and they worked at it for a couple hours and finally Sven says: "I wonder why aren't we getting any ducks, Ole?"
"I don't know. I wonder if we're throwing the dog high enough."

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So Sven and Ole are walking home from the tavern late at night and they head down the railroad tracks, and Sven says, "This is the longest flight of stairs I ever climbed in my life."
And Ole says, "Yeah, it's not the stairs that bother me so much, it's these low railings."

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"Mama, I have da biggest feet in da third grade. Is dat becoss I'm Norvegian?"
"No, it's because you're NINETEEN."

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So what's the difference between a Norwegian and a canoe?
Well, a canoe will sometimes tip.

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Say, I went and bought Lena a piano for her birthday and then about a week later I traded it in for a clarinet, because you know, with a clarinet, you can't sing.

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So, Ole --- I see you got a sign up that says, "Boat For Sale." But you don't own a boat, Ole. All you got is your old John Deere tractor and your combine.
"Yup, and they're boat for sale."

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"Hello? Funeral home?"
"Yes?"
"It's Ole. My wife Lena died."
"Oh. I'm sorry to hear that. We'll send someone right away to pick up the body. Where do you live?"
"At the end of Eucalyptus Drive."
"Can you spell that for me?"
"How 'bout if I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up der?"

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Ole and Lena had been married seven years. Lena was getting worried that Ole might be getting the seven year itch. She thought he was cheating on her. Lena says to Ole "You never tell me you love me. Is there someone else?"
Ole replies "When we got married I told you I loved you. If I ever change my mind I'll let you know."

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Sven and Ole are sitting in the boat fishing, and nothing much is biting, and the conversation chances onto the topic of birth control, and so Sven says to Ole, "What do you and Lena do for birth control?"
And Ole says "Oh we use the condom and ice cube method".
And Sven says "I've never heard of that Ole, how's it work?"
And Ole says "Oh, well, when I go to put the condom on, I put a couple of those little ice cubes in first."
And Sven says "Yimminy Ole, isn't that awfully cold?"
And Ole says "Yah sure it is Sven, but it really helps keep the swelling down."

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Ole and Lena were sitting down to their usual cup of morning coffee listening to the weather report coming over the radio. "There will be 3 to 5 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the odd numbered side of the streets." Ole got up from his coffee and replies "Jeez, OK."
Two days later, again they both are sitting down with their cups of morning coffee and the weather forecast is, "There will be 2 to 4 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the even numbered side of the streets." Ole got up from his coffee and replies, "Jeez, OK."

Three days later, again they both are sitting down with their cups of coffee and the weather forecast is, "There will be 6 to 8 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the..." and then the power went out and Ole didn't get the rest of the instructions. He says to Lena, "Jeez, what am I going to do now, Lena?" Lena replies, "Aw, Ole, just leave the car in the garage."

My relatives in North Dakota are familiar with the genre, too. I had never heard of the Sven, Ole and Lena jokes until DU. :hi: Richardo!
:loveya:

:hi: Bunny! :fistbump:

fixing the back door but finds out he need a new hinge and asks Lena to go down to Sven's hardware store
Ole says to just tell Sven it's for the back door and he'll know what he needs
When Lena arrives at the store Sven is busy with another customer so she starts looking around
On a tall shelf, up out of her reach, Lena sees a beautiful silver teapot
When Sven is free and comes to help her, Lena asks how much is the teapot
A hundred dollars replies Sven
Oooh, that's a lotta money says Lena
Lena tells Sven that Ole need a hinge for the back door and Sven goes off to get it
Sven calls from the back of the store: You want a screw for the hinge?
No, says Lena, but I will for the teapot

It was two Norwegians fighting over a penny.

So Ole was on his death bed, and it sure didn't look like he was going to make it through the night. All of a sudden he smelled oatmeal cookies, his favorite. So he slowly crawled out of bed, and with all of his energy he climbed down the stairs to the kitchen. With the last ounce of energy he had, he reached up to the counter to try to grab a cookie and taste his favorite flavor just one more time. When Lena saw him she slapped his hand away and yelled "Oh no, Ole, those are for the funeral!"

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Ole and Sven went fishing one afternoon, and their boat motor stopped working. Everything they tried just wouldn't get it running again. Luckily, their friend Lars and his family drifted by after a while. So Ole shouted over to him for help. He said to Lars, "So, you got a couple of oars over there, then Lars?" Lars responded, "No, these two here, they're my sisters!"

(note since this really happened, names have been changed to protect the innocent)