Well, to conclude the saga, so much for my big fucking "date" today

An hour into the conversation, the girl mentioned her boyfriend. I asked her a question about it later just to make sure I hadn't misheard.

Then she has the gall to ask to exchange numbers at the end of it, as if this wasn't supposed to be a date in the first place. :wtf: If you have a boyfriend, please don't "go for coffee" with people you've only met once. Tell them. That way, they don't have a whole week of excitement go down the drain. Like me.

Seinfeld reference. I f'ing love Seinfeld.

Sorry about your situation though. Maybe you should ask directly next time if the girl has a boyfriend.

If I think I like a girl, I'm asking her about that no later than 5 minutes into the conversation.

it is a "ma" with a "newer" at the end.

That sucks!

...still looking "Just in case" they find someone better.

She's just another fucking "Space-Queen"
Stay away from those Nuts.

Oh, that sucks!

How rotten of her, really.

You will find someone else, and I hope, soon...

:hug:

you'd think she would have mentioned it sooner but instead she decides to waste your time.

:(

Jerry: So you just pretended it didn’t bother you?

George: What is that, "boyfriend?" I don't understand that. What, what does she think I asked her out for?

Jerry: Boy, It's the way they just slip that in there too.

George: Yeah, like it's just part of the conversation. “Oh my boyfriend really likes watches. He's a real watch freak.” Well that's fabulous. (snaps fingers in the air a couple of times)

sadly, it's probably something a hell of a lot of guys have experienced, or at least similar stuff ( including myself on too many occasions, as recently as earlier this year)Not trying to be sexist, I just have no idea if women experience crap like this regularly too; I'm guessing that the answer is probably yes ( and probably same for people in same-sex dating too)...And an HOUR ...it took her an HOUR??? The one way to look at this in a positive light is that you dodged a bullet. If this is what she's like ( and it obviously is), sending conflicting signals and not being honest from the word go, you're very fortunate to not have gotten mixed up with her beyond this. Sorry you got your hopes up only to be let down though. All I can say is hang in there and count your blessings that you found out about this one right off the bat (almost)........ Here's to better days comin'::toast:

i wouldn't consider coffee a "date."

then she did indeed pull a "george" . She accepted the date hoping for something, but decided somewhere in the middle that you werent for her, and mentioned the boyfriend.

Once I called the girl like a week later and more or less put it to her whether or not she was bullshitting me. I got her to more or less admit she was lying, and let me tell you, I was not the one who felt awkward at that point. This is really fucking bullshit, it's ruined an outing with my friends I've been planning for over a week, and I'm mad as hell. If this ever happens again, and I don't just stand up and walk away, I'm going to be really disappointed in myself.

I thought that might well be fatal to our future, but our relationship seems to have gotten past it.

Could have been bad.


mark

...I had a very strong impression that I would marry her someday.

I thought I had to be crazy to think that at the time, but it happened anyway.

I felt very powerfully connected to her long before we were lovers even though she had several major boyfriends even after the one she had when we met.

Well before we were lovers she was already my very good friend, one friend who I could trust implicitly with no fear whatsoever.

We've been together quite some time now, and I still am very grateful to have her. My only regret is that she has not had a better life than the one I could give.

We both knew we had a very special thing happening almost immediately, and I proposed afte 3 months. So far it's been the best thing we have ever done, going on 19 years.

I believe strongly in fate, and that we control very little of our lives.

All the best.

mark

He was a long-distance kind of thing and I got the impression she wasn't that into him. After a few dates though I told her that I didn't know if she was interested or not if she and her boyfriend were still together, so she called him and broke it off.

It's true, that just because she has a boyfriend doesn't have to be the end. If she agreed to go to coffee, then yes she is interested in you and then it's just up to you to figure out:

1. is she wanting to break up with the bf but is just with him still out of convenience and is chicken-shit to call it off? (that's how my wife was)
2. is she shopping around waiting for someone better to come along?

Any girl in a committed relationship that ISN"T shopping around, SHOULDN"T be going to coffee with other guys, so it's definitely maybe possible that they don't have the best relationship and she wanted out. I think I'd give her another shot if I were you and see if she's looking to switch, if she's worth it.

perhaps Family Guy. Anyway, don't give up hope. I have to start dating again myself. There is hope out there. Been years for me, but I know a guy, way uglier than me, who has literaly slept with 22 different women so far this year, not that I would want that, but he does most of his groundwork on the internet, and surely I could get just one? :shrug:

one boyfriend or girlfriend at a time? What is a boyfriend/girlfriend? A boyfriend/girlfriend implies a committed, exclusive relationship?

Sounds like she liked you enough to want to exchange numbers. The "date" wasn't a complete disaster was it? If you enjoyed the time with her call her again.

but I am less angry this morning than I was yesterday. Still, I find myself siding with those here who say I was about to become "plan B" for this girl and that I shouldn't accept it. On the other hand, maybe she's really not committed to this other person. I do like her, but I am still quite angry and I don't want to be part of any of her games. And, if she really does just want to be friends, I can't do that at this point.

...here's a rule I have: Remember how you got her.

In other words, if she's dating you while she's with some other dude, it's more than likely she'll do the same thing to you.

EDIT: I'm saying go ahead and be plan B. Just remember the rule.

I already wrote a note and shared it with one of said friends. She said it's extremely mean (which is the idea) and said it's not like me to say anything like that. Like, why should I accept being treated that way? It's not nice at all, IMHO. But according to these girls I'm friends with it's normal!

Try not to sweat it though. Just let it roll right off you. In the words of John Mayer...

"Good love is on the way".

:(

Sorry...

She should've been truthful from the beginning. If she is going to withhold the truth (on any subject) then she wasn't worth it to begin with. Time to move on. :hug:

I'm really sorry! :hug:

Sorry it didn't go the way you'd hoped. :hug:

Sorry, dude.

I do like your proposed "five minutes in" strategy, though. I think that's a winner.

I haven't followed the week (and sorry you were anticipating something that didn't come to pass) but you might be reacting to something that's going on partly in your own thoughts, i.e. "She is deceptive," "I'm not attractive," "Women are (insert whatever here)." She gave you her number, which indicates she is receptive to a call. I'd suggest calling and being straightforward, saying something like "I might have read more into our getting together than you did, but I was interested in pursuing more of a relationship and it really threw me when you said you had a boyfriend. What does that mean--that you wanted to let me know you just want to be friends, that you're unhappy with him and might be interested in me, that you're on the ous, or what?" You know yourself and her better than I so you know what's honest and appropriate to ask. Then at least you'll know, and all those messages that you're giving yourself that are NOT accurate will go away. Of course you have to be willing to hear whatever answer she gives, but at least you won't be the helpless recipient of some vague and dispiriting communication.

Just my opinion. Hope you feel better soon.

http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/but_if_we_started_dating_it

Any chance she's thinking about dumping him and upgrading to you?

...which is acceptable, and a girl cheating on her boyfriend -- which is not acceptable.

My sympathies for finding yourself in that situation.

If she were single at this time, you might have ended up in an even worse situation.

Very sorry to hear it :hug: