Men of DU: How'd you get so repulsively ugly? Here are my secrets:

One: Don't do too much exercising. It is better to lay on the couch reading stuff than to get off your fat ass and bicycle or run or lift weights.

Two: Get some bad genes. When my kids rub my head and say, "Baldy!" I look back at them and say, "My Grandfather was bald; my father was bald; I am bald and you will be bald."

Three: Develop slovenly personal habits, like not shaving and not trimming your nose hairs.

Four: Do dirty work. I like to pick up black walnuts and peel them with my bare hands to remove the hulls. The chemicals in these walnuts, originally a disgusting shade of orange, stain one's fingers irreversibly and slowly blacken into a grease like stain.

One may also achieve these effects by messing with wires and hoses under the hood of one's car even if one has no idea what they are for.


Five: Eat too much. I can't recommend this enough. Be sure to eat stuff that has a high proportion of useless calories, high fructose corn syrup and trans fats or hydrogenated fats.


Share your secrets on how you ended up in this terrible shape!

but it was fun.

You have to be at the pizza and ice cream every day, whether you feel like it or not.

lots of us gals know that bald can be very sexy - yes INDEED

:loveya: bald

which is cool, because my hubbie is on his way to being bald. He's not too impressed with it though.

This thread is useless without pictures...

And you've never posted one, IIRC.

:P

Lincoln left home at 18 and set out for New Salem, Illinois where he would become a shop keeper.

At the time, Illinois was almost completely wild and covered with woodlands. One day Lincoln was walking in the woods and he came upon a stranger who had a hunting rifle. Lincoln greeted the stranger, somewhat nervously, saying, "Hello Friend."

The man looked at Lincoln and said, "Hello, Sir! I have no troubles with you, Sir, for I do not know you and you have done me no harm but, still, you must prepare to die, for I have made a sacred vow that if I ever discovered a man who is uglier than myself, I would shoot him!"

Lincoln pulled off his shirt and bared his chest saying, "Sir, then fire away! For if I am uglier than you, I do not deserve to live!!!"

My failure to post my picture here is an act of kindness and respect for the DU community. I look somewhat like Mr. Potatohead was when Mr. Potatohead used real potatoes, although in my case, the potato would be well past the expiration date. In saying this, I do not mean to insult Mr. Potatohead, since Mr. Potatohead had many good qualities that I almost certainly lack.

As for Lincoln, although he was elected President, most of his contemporaries regarded him, in fact, as extremely ugly - and often remarked on it - and if you look carefully you can still see why. The fact that most Americans, if not all Americans, have come to regard his face as one of the most beautiful in the world has everything to do with who he was, and almost nothing to do with what he actually looked like.

So, therefore, you must be gorgeous too...

For the person you are here is awesome.

I rest my case.

You can always PM me a pic, you know...

;)

My beauty tip is: Stay away from beer and don't eat entire pizzas in one sitting.

Stay away from beer
I switched to beer because I thought I might have a problem. How about wine?

and don't eat entire pizzas in one sitting.
What if I stand?