Whom Should I Choose?

And how dare they try to dictate the terms of your happiness??!!?!?

Choose 'yourself'.

about my first husband. they saw what a jerk he was, but they didn't tell me.
do you know why your family doesn't like her? you don't have to choose them, but if you have an otherwise good relationship with them, you should hear what they are saying.

You do what you want to do. You are you. Their wants are theirs.

we all want our kids to grow up to match our mental image of what our child was going to be. it is hard to separate where you end and where your child begins. so when your kid starts to grow up and become something that you cannot see yourself ever becoming, it is a hard thing to understand. that becomes more than just not living up to expectations, it feels like a real rejection of who you are as a mom.
it is part of growing up to separate from your parents, and that is hard on everyone. she is going through every bit as much turmoil as you, figuring out who she is without this part of her that is you. try not to make it any uglier than it has to be. i don't know anything about you or your mom, but it is tough to be a mom.
you will feel differently about her when the wound of this separation heals.

i sort of knew it was a mistake. although knowing my sisters, they would have done it in the WORST possible way.

or else they won't.

If they don't come around, would you rather deny who you are in order to please them?

Be yourself. Don't worry about the family. (Unless, there are hundreds of millions of dollar on inheritance at stake... then live your life secretly until your parents kick it.)

Oh, sorry, maybe I should read these things before I post. :)

I know this is hard for you. I know this is hard for your mom. How's your SO taking all of this?

Have you told your mom that you love her today? Your SO? Yourself?

First, you are not in any condition to make life altrering decisions right now. You must give it some time. Second, it's been what, five days? How's your moms relationship with your brother? How long did it take her to calm down about him?

Can I ask a sort of off topic question? I was under the impression that lesbian relationships were old hat for much of India. Seems to me that there are homosexual images in all of the ancient sex manuals and carvings. Maybe I'm just ignorant, I claim no greeat understanding of modern Indian mores, just wondering.

500 years of islamic rule and 200 years of british rule

so they like to eat clotted cream off of each others burquas?

Sorry, couldn't resist. Wow, that's sorta sad. As a whole, muslims (at least the fundie ones) and the Brits (I won't qualify that one) are not known for their open mindedness in matters of sex.

Oh well.

You didn't answer any of my other questions though. They really are more important than a history lesson on sexual mores of the sub continent.

and she still cries about him which is why i delayed so long in coming out to her in the first place...i think i would be ok if i knew this would get better but unfortunately i dont think it will...

your mother will probably get over your sexual orientation a lot sooner than she will get over your brother's. maybe the combined weight of loosing the 2 of you will be too much for her. i hope you can work it out.

my mother said she would be happier if i were miserable w.a man than happy w. a woman (she has said this many times before) and pertaining to you she said she would rather i was a mistress to a married man than a lesbian :)

You know I'm kidding ... mostly.

I wish I had some magic word to tell you that could help, but I don't.

There simply comes a time in our lives when we must please ourselves and stop trying to please our parents. I was your age when I finaly figured that out and my relationship with my mom has improved every year since.

I hope you can find some peace soon. I know it's not easy but it is worth it.

You live your life. Your family will make the choice as to whether to accept you or not. Coform to who you are, not who anyone wants you to be. Make them make that decision.

You will be far better off being true to yourself. Things have already been irrevocably altered by your coming out (which WAS the right thing to do). I know it's hard looking at your brothers situation. But you are a grown up now... and you can make some of these decisions without your parents approval.