workplace rant (long)

Several months ago, my supervisor exercised her authority in a nasty, intimidating way. Unfortunately, I didn’t see that I gave her enormous power in the situation until much later.

I had asked my boss (the man whose assistant I am) if I could change my hours on Mondays to 8:30 - 5:00, to ensure that I’d be at choir rehearsal on time on those nights. He said yes, and in fact he said “anything for music,” which told me he really didn’t have a problem with it.

I emailed my supervisor to tell her about this, and in so doing found that I’d violated procedure. (This procedure is not spelled out anywhere. I’ve looked.) I didn’t know that such a request constituted a request for flex time, and that I should have talked to her first.

Shortly after my email, she visited my boss and closed the door to his office. She was in there for quite a while. Then she came out to my cube.

My workspace is very small. I can sit in the middle of it and spin in my chair, and can touch every surface. It’s the smallest workspace I’ve ever had, and it hasn’t been easy to adapt to it.

When my supervisor came out of my boss’s office, she stepped into my cube, stepped around me into the deepest part of the space, and leaned back on my desk to talk down at me as I sat in my chair. I didn’t realize what she was doing, or what I was doing in allowing her this violation. I was very uncomfortable but it didn’t occur to me that I could’ve done something about it.

She told me that I had not followed procedure -- and in fact acted as if I’d known the procedure, though I told her I did not. That I had in effect asked for flex time, and that such requests must be made to her. And that she was denying my request. Unfortunately, in the discussion that followed, I became emotional and tears came. This only gave her more power and I am sure she relished it.

If this violation of my space is one of the ways she has to assert her authority, she is very insecure. And what exactly constitutes a hostile work environment? Because when I am near this person I feel nothing but hostility. I don’t know if it is just because I messed up in not following procedure or because this is the way she is, but she oozes hostility and it’s very intimidating.

This has stayed with me all these months, and I realized last night that it’s affecting me badly. I have since resolved that if she tries to get into my space again -- or to stand too closely to me in a discussion, which she also does -- I will back her off. I don’t fear my supervisor, but I do loathe her. I don’t want anything to do with this person; unfortunately I have no choice but to deal with her.

This is affecting me daily. It’s not major as workplace problems go, but I am anxious at work, and I ought not to be. I don’t believe I’m at the point of making a complaint, except to my friends who will listen. For that I thank you.

Thoughts?

She did the same petty power games -- coming into my cube, invading my space, accusing me of doing things I hadn't done. It was never big, huge things I could easily disprove -- it was always little things where I would think, Wait, maybe I DID do that.

When it came time for my annual review, she had a huge say in what went on it, telling my boss about "things that happened" when my boss was gone. In fact, during my review, my boss actually said to me, "Now, this next point (about how much I sucked and needed to be put on a 60-day performance plan), I've never witnessed, but B said it happened, so I included it on here."

I resigned three days after getting that review. The writing was on the wall. I don't have a whole lot of advice, because looking back on my own experience, I couldn't have done much more to protect myself. I could have made a bigger stink as I was resigning, but that only would have been fun, not effective in keeping my job.

There are some people, who, IMO/E, are very insecure in their jobs (for good reason, and sometimes even when not) who are experts at muddying the waters around them and projecting their problems onto other people. If they would put that much energy into doing their actual jobs, instead of cutting other people down, U.S. productivity would skyrocket.

I'm sorry, I don't have any advice. I do know what you're talking about, though, and I sympathize! :hug:

Train your feline minions to attack.

seriously, I can't stand when people try to intimidate by standing too close, or by other means.
I'm pretty blunt when it comes to personal space, so I'm comfortable telling most people to take a step back.
If it's someone in authority, I'll get up and move to a more equal or comfortable position.
good luck.

And it definitely sounds like a power play; as though there is some hostility from the supervisor towards your boss.

What is the difference? Is the supervisor your boss' boss? Or is he hers?

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... speaking to me in a way that no one should be spoken to.
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I was in an exceptional mood and, instead of reacting angrily,
waited until she was done with her rant, thanked her profusely,
VERY breathily explaining that although I didn't understand it
myself, I really...really... REALLY liked the (pause and then
emphasize)... "disciplinary"... talk she had just given me.
.
It was a tour de force of stealth creepiness.
.
And she never again spoke to me in any manner short of respectful.
.
Sometimes, life IS beautiful.
.
.
Not much help in your case, except as a reminder to also look for
unconventional actions/reactions.
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Document document document and keep your documentation at home.

Read all you can on workplace bullying.

If getting the hell out is an option, do so. This woman is on a power trip and likes to intimidate people, it sounds like.

Sure, you erred in not following procedure. Big whoop. Had she any class at all, she would have told you to fill out the proper forms, etc. In her insecure mind, you went over her head and made her look bad to your boss (who is male). She lost face and took it out on you.

Now, what to do? First, forgive yourself for not reacting differently. We have all have situations where we kick ourselves afterwards for not saying/doing differently. She did get one over you by her physical intimidation. But now that you are aware that she plays those games, you can resolve yourself to not let her do that again. Sit only when she sits, and stand when she does. If she invades your personal space, DO NOT BACK OFF. Stand your ground and make HER back off, even if she gets nose to nose with you. She'll just look like a fool if she does. And do not look away, either, because that's also passive. Don't glare or otherwise exude hostility (yeah, I know it's hard) but keep as neutral an expression as possible. And watch your back. She's a pathetic power-abuser who probably never got over not making the cheerleader squad in high school.

Sure, you erred in not following procedure. Big whoop. Had she any class at all, she would have told you to fill out the proper forms, etc. In her insecure mind, you went over her head and made her look bad to your boss (who is male). She lost face and took it out on you.

Now, what to do? First, forgive yourself for not reacting differently. We have all have situations where we kick ourselves afterwards for not saying/doing differently. She did get one over you by her physical intimidation. But now that you are aware that she plays those games, you can resolve yourself to not let her do that again. Sit only when she sits, and stand when she does. If she invades your personal space, DO NOT BACK OFF. Stand your ground and make HER back off, even if she gets nose to nose with you. She'll just look like a fool if she does. And do not look away, either, because that's also passive. Don't glare or otherwise exude hostility (yeah, I know it's hard) but keep as neutral an expression as possible. And watch your back. She's a pathetic power-abuser who probably never got over not making the cheerleader squad in high school.

asserting that you want to go to choir practice.

The next time she comes into your personal space, document it with a follow-up email to her.

Hostile work environment claims work when you can cite a protected status....is she hostile because your religion?

Seriously, it's literally nauseating to contemplate going through that little scenario, as well as very unprofessional behavior on the part of your supervisor. I suspect also a sign, as you say, of deep personal damage. I'm sorry you have to go through this.