I was dive-bombed by a palmetto bug last night. (profanity laden)

In case you are blessed enough to have never seen one of these winged flying bastard freaks, they look like giant roaches, they are about 2-3 inches long, are armored, and have no sense of direction in flight.

About 2 AM, after watching Maher and Friday Night Lights on TIVO, I decided it was time to turn in. As I stood up to turn off my bedroom light I hear a low pitched "Bbbbbbbbbzzzzzzzzzzzzzt. Poaaf!"

I look to the wall and that big motherfucker was staring at me, saying "WHAT! WHAT!?" Then the pecker flew onto my bed. AAAAAAAAAuuuuuuuuuugh! I ran into the kitchen to get my can of Raid with the straw on the end, which every Florida resident must own. I ran back in the bedroom and spent 10 minutes looking for the schumuckbug. Finally, I looked and saw it on my table lamp. I SPRAYED and said "DIE YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!". It climbed onto the wall, fluffed it's wings, and said, "Is that all you got, bitch". Then, I sprayed it again, and the fucker flew right at me INTO MY FUCKING HAIR! I spazzed the fuck out, screaming "GET OFF ME YOU PRICK! DIE! DIE!" I got him off my hair and he flew back near the TV wall, and dive-bombed again. This time I was able to duck. He was on the wall near the closet, and I doused him again with a steady stream of Kamikaze Cockroach Killer, and he fell to the ground in the closet, I THOUGHT DEAD, but I couldn't find the cockroach corpse, so I went in the living room to sleep on the sofa. After a couple of hours, and close inspection of my bedroom, I figured the putzbug was dead, so I went to sleep in the bedroom. About 5:15, I hear PPPBBBBBBBBBBBZzzzzzzzzzzzt. Poaf! AgAIN!

I got the spray and located the alien being on my wall, pointing his antennae at me, shouting, "I'm Baaaaaaaaaaaaaack!" I drenched the son-of-a-bitch, spraying a steady steam of poison onto the bastard and my carpeting, and he made his last dive-bomb attempt. He landed on the carpet and tried crawling at me, yelling "I will crawl up your leg and make you smell stinky like this bug spray, you HO!". Then I just drowned the 6 legged demon, screaming, "DIE YOU FUCKING FUCK FUCK!" Which he finally did.
Then I took my pillow and meandered back to my living room, where I was able to toss and turn for 4 hours before waking up.

You haven't lived in Florida until you've been attacked by one of these freaks.

:hi:

poisonous to humans. I would have trepidation using it in my own sleeping quarters unless they were well ventalated.

That said, I once lived in a cabin in the woods. I got tired of Susan b sized spiders running out from under and around anything I touched. So I bugbombed the whole place into submission. I aired out the cabin before I retook my residence. But there was one room that I apparently overlooked, a glass enclosed deck turned into a room deal, filled with horrid wicker furniture. Something like 6 months later the weather was good enough to require all possible airflow and cooling. I open the door to the "sun room". A few moments later, I watched a fly which had been buzzing around cross the threshold into that room. he made it less than 2 feet and dropped dead. Right out of a healthy fly buzz in the air to on its ground on its back dead in under 2 seconds.

I decided to close that door and forget that room a while longer.

I have not seen one in years, thank god.

I have friend from the north who was dive bombed while visiting.

Her screaming woke up the whole block, it was that loud.

The bug landed on top of her head.

It happens down here, the bugs grow big.

We have a cat that hunts roaches, very few around anymore.

onto the floor. I'm screaming bloody murder, cursing a blue streak and dancing and jumping around.

Meanwhile, my navy husband of about two days - came running in, looked at me wonderingly and said, "you cuss just like a SAILOR!"

"Oh" I replied, "I'd always wondered what is was a sailor had said when I heard that phrase!"

I was a bit pissed that he didn't seem to care about the whole screaming part and the bug part... shoulda been my first clue.

Did I tell you the one about how on our "first week" anniversary I made a candlelight dinner to be all romantic and stuff. However, when I leaned over to put the main dish on the table, my shirt caught fire.

Again, more screaming and jumping and slapping and running into the kitchen for water. He sat there and laughed. (I guess it WAS a bit funny - in retrospect), but he could've showed SOME concern for my safety and well-being.

He had a very warped sense of humour.

All of us were from up north and had never seen one before...

It freaked us out fersher.

My cat has a passion for killing these things, bless her.

Hitchcock would have been impressed at the scene.

Some people seriously injured from trying to avoid those buggers.

In a frenzy to get a big flying bug like that .

I HATE those fuckers!

LEMME AT THAT CRITTER

It's better than a pesticide and it makes their wings stiffen up and they can't fly.

the thing into a cup and flush.

for the vicious and unprovoked attack you had to suffer through at the hands of that ungodly alien creature but I am not sorry for LMAO at your post. It reminded me of a time long ago when I was driving across the U.S.A. with some friends and ran into a somewhat similar alien beast only my tormentor did not have wings.

I pretty much woke up the whole motel at 3:00 AM screaming "DIE! DIE! DIE!" as I slammed a boot heel at the 3 inch long black armored alien. Thankfully, no one called 911 on me.

Lest someone judge my behavior as somewhat irrational, please understand that I am from Boston and I met above alien predator somewhere about 50 miles north of Phoenix, Arizona. I was way out of my element and did not know that bastard cockroaches could get so big. :scared:

We call them waterbugs here and they all should just die! What is their purpose?!

I think you might be related to me. Your story is so close to the last time one of those fuckers entered my home. LOL

No matter where you are in the world, you are within six feet of a spider.

You did not need to tell me that.

How am I suppose to unknow this now?

:scared: