I've just spent most of the last day with my neighbor's wife.

Well, now she is his widow. The man was a pediatrician, all-round great guy, and he suddenly stroked out yesterday and died. His wife did not want to be alone while waiting for the first wave of out-of-town relatives to come in, and asked if I would keep her company. So I did. The first of them showed up about a half hour ago.

I spent a number of years in the service of Uncle Sam, I've seen more than my fair share of premature and sudden death, and I have attended the funerals of far too many friends who died way too young. But until the past 24 hours, hand-holding the surviving spouse of a sudden mortality is not something that I have ever done before. And it really took it out of me.

I have new, and heightened, respect for people who work in fields that expose them to this kind of emotional trauma on a day-to-day basis. Whatever they pay you folks -- it isn't enough.

It is a lot earlier in the day than I usually have a drink, but I do believe that I am going to go have several.

I got into it here the other day with someone bitching about how much clergy get paid. That person clearly has no idea what we do (or how little we actually make). You have a much better clue.

What you did is powerful stuff. Yep, you deserve that drink.

in person is so very intense

you done good

get a LOT of our own support and lean on one another when we start to identify too much to be of help, which is a perfectly natural thing to do. And we try to get paid well, too, though as you might imagine it's emotionally conflicting, so we support and talk to one another about that too. Oddly, being in the mental health profession allows us to do what it would be good for all people to do, to think carefully and respectfully and openly about our own emotions and to consult one another and just go to one another when the world's pain becomes too much our own. Since what our customers share with us is confidential, it's not possible to talk to others unoficially, so doing it in consult is vital. And heck, a drink, some music, a good laugh, all those "unofficial" things help too. I hope you'll take advantage of the good stuff of life to help balance the terribly, terribly sad.

You're a good man for being there for her.

Thank you!

so many people don't even know their neighbors, and don't live near any relatives.

Once, many years ago, I was at my cousins' house and they had gone out. While sitting in the sun by their pool I heard a woman crying outside in a very anguished way. I felt torn between trying to follow the sound and see if I could offer help, or leaving her alone because she might be embarrassed that her sobbing could be heard in the neighborhood.

It sounds like you need a drink, or >, and a nap.

You are a good person and you deserve comfort yourself.

:blush:

The fact is, I have never thought of myself as a "nice guy" or a "good guy" - what I have always tried to do was to be a "stand-up guy".

Anyway, had several drinks, having some food (Domino's - how boring is that?) delivered, and after I eat it I am going to bed - didn't get any last night and I just can't do that as well as I could when I was a "yoot".

Again, thanks to all who responded. Frankly, I'm kind of amazed by your collective reactions to my venting into the void.

j/k

good on you for being a stand-up neighbor.

well-done.

They're our closest friends.
Like brother and sister to us.
He's eaten up with cancers.
Started in the prostate and spread everywhere.
We'll see them at Christmas (1500 miles away from us now).
I hope he makes it that long.
And then I hope he doesn't.
Bummer.

right thing. You have my condolences as well.