My best friend dated this really abusive asshole. Really ruined her self esteem

Some of our other friends kept in touch with him, after they broke up. Calcutta is both very large, yet very small. You run into the same people often etc. Anyway, my best friend always appreciated that i was firm in my distaste for him.

I had more or less not thought of him much, till she got cancer. Then she started blaming herself, for being a bad person and deserving the cancer. And I remembered.

I remember how he tried so hard to convince her that she was a bad person. That she was worth less than nothing. I could have wrung his neck with my bare hands. I wanted to tell him it should have been him, not her, but I didn't because even if I don't believe in Karma, my friend did. And I didn't want my bad karma to cause her disease to worsen.

After she died, he wrote to me. As though none of this happened. "i am very, very sorry. just learnt the most maddening news. bless!"

He shouldn't have written to me. Just because others forgot conveniently, how he tried to break her, I haven't

When I started writing, I wrote back to him to say what i genuinely felt. "you can never be sorry enough. she had very few years on this earth and you made a lot of them painful. if there was a god, this would have happened to you and not to debooh."

When I sent it, I briefly thought, well what if he writes back and apologizes or states that he feels genuine sorrow about what happened? Would i feel some guilt about being mean?

Anyway he wrote back to say "u r a slut and you know that. die!"

It made me laugh. This is exactly what he had always done. Anytime he was an asshole to her, and I called him out about it, he called me a whore or a slut or something like that.

Not sure why i am sharing this story.

an asshole

but probably one to cut out of your life so you don't have to deal with his crap anymore

peace

the procedure is (or can anybody send messages to anybody? - haven't even looked at my fb page in months)

They always rationalize away their behavior. I hope telling him off gave you some comfort.

i am glad i did

i am glad he reacted in a way, that validated my feelings for him.

The worst kind of manipulator. It is very good you didn't let him get away with his act.

I hope this guy gets what he deserves down the road.

And he never changed. What a waste.

I think we are hardwired to want to warn others and tell our stories when we come in contact with Monsters. You want to 'rebond' with the world in a way that includes your horrible experience and the person that you have become for the experience. Anyway you are more than welcome to vent here. It'll work. A journal got me through hell on earth.

This happened when my sister died of brain cancer twenty years ago. She was 42.

One of her ex husbands told me what a wonderful person she was. I did not have the nerve to ask him why he abused her verbally and physically.

Also, my ex husband who is a psychopath, had dated my older sister, and after she died he ranted and raved about "how much he loved her". He had never said anything positive about her to me but then when they die, they are wonderful women. Pretty sick.

He will always get in the last word, no matter how stupid.

Bad enough that you lost your friend.

and has pretty much covered everything I would have said.

The only thing I'd like to add is a Thank You on behalf of your deceased friend for your loyalty to her right to the very end. I'm sure that it was comforting to her.

Oh and one more thing. Whether you believe in Karma or not, I've often found that karma-like things seem to happen IRL (for whatever reason ;-))

Re: this jerk who so terribly mistreated your friend? A saying comes to mind that would fit him perfectly...'Time wounds all heels'...}( I hope it comes true in his case, and that you get to see it.

had a guilty conscience and was looking to you for absolution. When you didn't give him that and reminded him of his evil behavior and how it wouldn't be forgotten he lashed out at you. I would watch your back, he sounds vindictive. Take care.

That is why you have to call out shitheads like him yourself. You did the right thing...maybe it does not really effect him emotionally, in the grand scheme of things at least he knows you know that he is an class A jerk!
Take care, as always you seem to be on the right path!

You've clearly lived up to your name.
Feel free to defend all those you love, even if it means you have to roar once in a while.
You did exactly the right thing.

:pals:

When I was in India a few months ago, I wish I could have made a detour to kick this guy's ass.

Apparently the truth of your words got to him.

Assholes, on the other hand, must spew shit.

They make themselves feel bigger by making others feel small. You did the right thing. His reply proved it.

:hug:

P.S. Love is a wonderful and rare commodity in this world. I hate what your friend had to go through, and that she had to leave us so soon. But it is for certain that she was *really* loved. And that ain't nothing.

:( :hug:

I'm sad that she couldn't find a way to break away; I was once involved with a South Asian guy who was not quite as toxic as that, but he did have that tendency (why is it that so many South Asian guys never find fault with themselves? EVER. If it rains, it's someone's fault, and likely their wive's fault. :mad: ).

Peace. :)

nt

Too personal.