How weak is this?

My friend, sort of out of nowhere decided he was going to come to my wedding, he had enough air miles to do it. So, he got a Chinese visa and all that.

Then on Friday he tells me he's "having second thoughts cause he isn't sure he can be away from his kids that long."

Then THIS morning he emails and tells me that he's decided not to come cause of it.

What kind of weak bullshit is this? Sorry, but if you can't be away from your kids for ten fucking days you should be seeing a god damn psychiatrist. I had re-arranged a lot of shit with my parents and such after he told me he was coming, even found him a free place to stay with a buddy of mine who has a spare room and a big heart, and he pulls this bullshit at the last minute.

I've known this guy since grade one and I don't think he's ever done something this lame before.

Money problems are embarrassing. Especially if everyone thinks you are doing OK.

away from my cat. And yes, I know how lame that makes me... :)

Has he traveled overseas before? Perhaps he's just nervous about culture shock, or long plane flights, or getting sick from different food, or something. Or it could be money, or perhaps there are family issues he's not sharing - perhaps his partner is pissed at being left with the kids for 10 days?

No matter the reason, though - although it's reasonable to not show up for a distant wedding, it's definitely uncool to flip flop. Say yes or no, and mean it...

For long periods of time without whining about it. I've seen my family once in two years.

My parents would go off on week long Vacations and leave us with my Grandparents, now that you mention it.

Sub-thread removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

never more than 3-4 nights away from them but it was hard for all of us. There is no way I would have left for 3-4 nights for pleasure.

When my kids were in middle school my husband left for about 2 weeks to help in New Orleans after Katrina. I had no problem with him doing that obviously but I did learn that I would have made a really shitty single parent.

Sorry your friend committed in the first place, he probably really wanted to see you get married and then reality hit. I would imagine if he's not been flaky in the past that leaving for a 10 day vacation stirred up some issues at home. Maybe he thought about how much he'd enjoy it if his SO took off for a 10 day vacation and left him with the kids. LOL

Has he ever been a flake before this?

Without taking the time to try and accommodate out of country guests who then bail on you.

It's probably for the best though really.

He'd have maybe been expecting you to entertain him and that's the last thing you need to be thinking of.

...to say he's coming when he obviously had some ambivalence, and then to change his mind. But I don't think it's weak in any way, shape or form to not want to spend that much time away from your children. I think that's a really strange definition of weakness.

Not him. I mean it in a "surfer dude" lingo kinda way.

Totally, dude.

share with you. Respect his decision. That's what friends do.

I just don't like being yoyoed about, ya know?

i wouldn't want to be away from my rascal for very long.

Maybe his kids are going through something embarrassing that he can't bring up in a casual conversation.

at this time, maybe in deference to your special occasion he does not want to bother you with the details.

Too bad your friend can't make it.
I know you would have liked him to be there.