I keep trying to move on.

This is some what messed up. The one I have had a relationship problem with is also on DU. Maybe it's not so bad for her to see my pain. I know she has it too. My family members that have met her really love her. And so do I. I am writing this to expose myself. I have done wrong. But it's not that easy. I have so many things to say, but it often feels like I'm talking to myself, exposed with no feed back.:(

That is never true. I'm not a religious man. But I know that there is always someone watching over you.

With that being said, whatever transgressions you have committed are things you will have to answer for in one way or another. Redemption rests solely in your hands.

I have my life just sifting through my day. It's hard, knowing that I was in patient, and fucked it up. I'm glad you replied.

It seems as if unless one has a partner (ie lover, spouse,etc) and assuming that person is receptive - otherwise there isn't much room for intimacy and feedback in life.

I remember when I was in relationship (am not now) a long time ago, and it wasn't perfect, we argued a lot, I don't think I'm so easy to get along with in a close situation.

But what was Irreplaceable in that relationship was getting feedback.
Sharing thoughts and getting responses on a daily basis.

I don't know anything about your situation but I hope you find someone responsive to talk to.
I think we all need feed-back to validate our experience.

but I feel kind of incomplete that way. Like I'm half a person or something. I hope I grow out of it.

Friends are good, but it's hard to find a friend you can *really* talk with. I really miss having a girlfriend. I always thought of her as girlfriend as well as wife.

Actually, I do have someone I feel like I can really talk with, it's just kind of a limited thing. So I'm very lucky. (in a limited way)

You see me, kind of. I know that I'm searching for the one to be in love with for ever more. I keep thinking that I can have it... others do, why can't I?

I always wished for that too. Had it for a time a couple of times. Still wish for it. Even tho now it seems unlikely.
The idea of everlasting love is nice and I'm sure it exists, I'm jealous when I see older couples toddering around, and I know I'll never have that experience of a shared life.

otoh, I think the idea of everlasting love, and "the one" is also hyped by our society.
In truth, I believe, if we all had more purposeful lives, had community, were working full-time to create the better world that 'is around the corner' as Arundunti Roy says, then we would not be so obsessed with the idea of everlasting love.

You sound young Tripod - I bet there is plenty of time in your life that you may find "the one". I hope you find what you want and what makes you happy.

It sounds like you and I are on the same page with this. I will not give up hope, neither should you. I was fortunate to find love at some times of my life, and was able to be patient in between. But I spent 26 years as an active alcoholic, so I always had the alcohol to numb the loneliness. But I don't drink any more, so the whole issue of being alone is quite unfamiliar.

I also used alcohol to numb the pain of being alone for I don't know how many years - 20 to 30.

I stopped drinking about 6 or 8 years ago.
I really hate that now I have no escape from my feelings!

but so it is.

I discovered Kundalini Yoga some 30 years ago, and thru that I quit drinking and smoking pot, altho it took some years.
Now, Kundalini Yoga helps me feel fine, but at the moment I am not doing it, so feel kinda empty - not terrible, but not good.

My situation is the opposite of yours. She broke my trust after many, many years. I'm pretty devastated - but you try to pick up the pieces, you know.

The thing is, I knew that I loved her with all my heart. So I know exactly what I would do in her situation. I would've spent the rest of my life trying to make up for what I had done. No matter what her reaction.

But then again, loving her that much, I don't think I would have ever done anything to trash the relationship in the first place. Although I do understand that sometimes people don't realize until it is too late. (But it's never too late until someone is dead)

You've still got a decision to make. Put it behind you, or fight for her. The difference is whether she was a good one, or *the* one.

I wish you the best. :hug:

P.S. Personally, I would be more than willing to listen to whatever she might have to say. In my case, she seems to have nothing to say to me but small talk. A 20+ year relationship, with kids, and I'm suddenly just like "some guy" she used to know.

Is it that hard?

Another guy might have taken it better, but not me. She was my dream-come-true. Waking up was rough.

She couldn't meet your expectations,or commit,or what?

I found out, and I was floored.

After 19 years of marriage, it isn't necessarily an unforgivable thing. But it isn't anything that can be repaired with a band-aid, either.

She has given me no reason, no explanation. Now that we're separated, and she knows I'm planning to divorce her, there has been no effort to change my mind. No effot to repair the damage she did.

For whatever reason, she just woke up one morning and decided that a little new excitement in her life was worth the risk of losing me.

And I was just doofy enough to have thought that we were something *really* special. Oh well.

No - other than the cheating, she met all my expectations.

I hope I find love again. It was really nice having someone that special to me.

My soul-mate left me eight months ago. Now she regrets it every day, and she has told me so, many times. I have met someone else now, and though I love this woman deeply, it's not the same as it was with the ex. I still love her, and I love the woman I'm with. The new girlfriend is sweet, caring, and she feels like my best friend. I don't want to do anything to jeopardize my relationship with this wonderful lady. I just want closure from the past one. I can't find it. I've tried to be angry, I've tried to pretend she no longer exists, but nothing works. I still think about her, and I miss her. It should have never happened the way it did, and I still can't come to terms with her leaving so coldly, for no real reason. She feels the same way, she screwed up, she wants me back. But I can't trust her anymore. Too much damage was done. I just want to see her again, once more to tell her that I will always love her, and to say goodbye...