Detatchable Penis - Democratic Underground

absyntheNsugar

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Thu Apr-01-04 11:59 PM
Original message

Detatchable Penis

by King Missle

I woke up this morning with a bad hangover
And my penis was missing again.
This happens all the time.
It's detachable.

This comes in handy a lot of the time.
I can leave it home, when I think it's gonna get me in trouble,
or I can rent it out, when I don't need it.
But now and then I go to a party, get drunk,
and the next morning I can't for the life of me
remember what I did with it.
First I looked around my apartment, and I couldn't find it.
So I called up the place where the party was,
they hadn't seen it either.
I asked them to check the medicine cabinet
'cause for some reason I leave it there sometimes
But not this time.
So I told them if it pops up to let me know.
I called a few people who were at the party,
but they were no help either.
I was starting to get desperate.
I really don't like being without my penis for too long.
It makes me feel like less of a man,
and I really hate having to sit down every time I take a leak.
After a few hours of searching the house,
and calling everyone I could think of,
I was starting to get very depressed,
so I went to the Kiev, and ate breakfast.
Then, as I walked down Second Avenue towards St. Mark's Place,
where all those people sell used books and other junk on the street,
I saw my penis lying on a blanket
next to a broken toaster oven.
Some guy was selling it.
I had to buy it off him.
He wanted twenty-two bucks, but I talked him down to seventeen.
I took it home, washed it off,
and put it back on. I was happy again. Complete.
People sometimes tell me I should get it permanently attached,
but I don't know.
Even though sometimes it's a pain in the ass,
I like having a detachable penis.

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4morewars

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Thu Apr-01-04 11:59 PM
Response to Original message

1. i love that song !!! n/t

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ixion

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Fri Apr-02-04 12:00 AM
Response to Original message

2. King Missle was a fantastic band

I saw them live twice. There were awesome.

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amandae

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Fri Apr-02-04 12:03 AM
Response to Original message

3. Great song!

Although, now I'm going to have it running through my head all night and probably tomorrow .... as long as I don't start singing it while making breakfast for my 3 kids, aged 6 and under :)

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absyntheNsugar

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Fri Apr-02-04 12:05 AM
Response to Reply #3

4. But did you ever lock Alaister Cromwell in a closet

while singing waltzing mathilda?

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amandae

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Fri Apr-02-04 12:14 AM
Response to Reply #4

5. Ummmm .....

I don't think so! I could be mistaken though .... there were a few times that I blacked out from drinking .... anything could have happened during that time ;) Luckily, I'm sure I wasn't making breakfast for the kids during those episodes ....

I think ....

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Lisa0825

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Fri Apr-02-04 12:42 AM
Response to Original message

6. Oh, the fond memories of my youth......

That was one of my favorite songs from my college days. Last time I heard it on the radio was 1990 in Dallas... before the "alt rock" station got so sadly mainstream... back in the days when you never knew what you were gonna get on the air... sorta like a box o' laced chocolates.

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OneBlueSky

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Fri Apr-02-04 01:08 AM
Response to Original message

7. also allows you to keep a spare . . .

you know, in case it springs a leak and deflates or something . . . and you can always use the spare now and then, just for variety . . . it would be fun if they were different sizes and shapes . . . maybe even different colors . . .

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holeinboatoutatsea

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Fri Apr-02-04 01:14 AM
Response to Original message

8. I think advertising my disability is

something pretty special!

oooohhhh hey yeah!

uuummm

Did I just say something out loud?

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MrSlayer

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Fri Apr-02-04 01:25 AM
Response to Original message

9. Lifted from a great Sam Kinison bit.

On the phone with Hunting buddies.

"Hold on a second, I'll ask her. Ummmm......Honey! All the guys are taking theirs. I figured, you know, I'd take mine."

"She says, No fuckin way, the dick stays here. Yeah, she found the spare too."

Kinison ruled.

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undergroundpanther

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Fri Apr-02-04 04:09 AM
Response to Reply #9

10. I have

a detachable penis,
I don't leave it at my freinds houses or put it in their medicine cabinets tho.

I hate sitting down to pee too.
Lol...

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