Don't Feed the Monsters!

I need to put a big sign on my desk that say's this.

My office culture is so freaking toxic. I am pretty sure the bookkeeper and accountant are downstairs complaining about me. I nearly said something out loud about it to a colleague, but I thought, "Don't feed the monsters." Now if only I could dismiss it from my mind.

The problem is, there's no real leadership here. There are no policies, no consequences, no accountability. And there's such a total centralization of power that employees are rewarded for keeping their heads down and not rocking the boat. If you try to accomplish something, you have to fight. So there is a division in the office between those who hold themselves accountable, work hard, and struggle with the leadership to get things done, and those who spend the whole day on facebook, come in at 11 and leave at 4.

I am part of both groups. Objectively, I am probably the most productive person in the office, and am personally responsible for over half of our total revenue. My department is the only department experiencing growth. I'm pretty much untouchable if you just look at outcomes.

But my son is in the office with me today. I also brought him here on Monday. (He is quiet, doesn't bother people and the founder, co-director has told me he is welcome to come to work with me.) Also, I left early on Wednesday for a family dinner. And I'm bitching about my office on DU right now instead of writing a newsletter.

We just all resent each other here so much that we are constantly looking for reasons to attack each other. I've done it too. Sometimes I do it just to bond with the main culprit.

I do not want to do it anymore. It just doesn't help. We are all in a crappy environment and we all deal with it in different ways.

They probably are downstairs right now trying to figure our how many sick days I've had in the last 6 months and how many times I have brought my son in and how unfair it is that everyone here just does what they want. And it does hurt to be judged. But I have to learn how to dismiss it. I can't take part in it as a defense mechanism. I can't complain about it to others because that just builds more division and the only thing I could gain from it is reassurance that I shouldn't need because I know I am accomplishing what I'm here to accomplish. The more I let it bother me, the more I feed the situation by giving it energy.

Not everyone is going to like me, and not everyone is going to think that I'm ok. I think the bookkeeper is a curmudgeon and a martyr. I doubt she is worried about what I think of her.

It's amazing how a group of adults can deteriorate into a bunch of mean and angry teenagers in an unhealthy environment.

I've really got to find my own power here and not play into this sick culture.