Would you ever cheat on your SO?

Cheating meaning anything from making smoochies with someone who is not your SO to having "the Sex".

I've been on the receiving end of that and it sucks. If you are even thinking of doing it you need to reevaluate your relationship and leave it if it's not doing it for you anymore.

It slaps the trust issue of a relationship in the face - bad.

I don't know what the future holds and don't know what circumstances may/may not arise.

I only know that I'm not perfect.

someone else, I guess MrG and I would need to talk, but that hasn't happened yet. :hi:

Jon Stewart is available. I wanna make smoochies with Jon. :loveya:

(I am just kidding of course)

That's a complete disregard for someone else's emotions - and that's someone that you purport yourself to care about. Total bullshit. If you want to fuck someone else, grow a spine, pick up the phone, and say "Listen, i don't think we can be together anymore."

I've been hurt by my father cheating on my mother and I am not gonna do that to someone I love.

it would jeopardize the thing that's defined my life for 25 years. A pretty damn good life too.

Ilike to talk a good game though.

If I wanted to be with someone else (which I can't see happening - I think falling for someone else is more about where your mind is set and not about uncontrollable moments) I would leave hubby first. I would want him to do that if he felt that way too, rather than make a fool out of eachother .....

JMHO ... :hi:

Is that clear enough?
The Professor

even when I was with my ex and she told me she did not want to be married any more. I had several chances, but did not then.

With my wife never...why bother with anyone else when you have the best wife in the world?

It's just wrong. If you've ever known someone whose SO did that, you know why.

Been on the receiving end of that one. Wouldn't want to put someone I supposedly love through that. If I had to ABSOLUTELY get wit' somebody else, I'd have to break it off with the current SO. But I hope I'm past that hormonal, impetuous phase.

I'm a virgin and 14 so obviously i don't know what's so great about sex. But, really, when I'm an adult I'll let my SO have sex with whoever they want to and if they let me, I will too. (this is, of course only if I'm really horny ;)). This is coming from someone whose father cheated on his mother. And frankly, I didn't care. I've always hated him.

At 14 I knew. I knew that I could and did love more than one person at a time. I knew that physical and emotional connections can include more than one person. I also knew it would be hard.

Do your research. Explore what moves you. Be carefull. Be honest.

but mostly he's a selfish asshole that has never cared about anyone in our family. As far as i can tell, his purpose in our family is to keep us in this house.

My parents got divorced 22 years ago, when I was 7.

It's only as an adult, a single father with my own kid, and my own problems, that I've been able to forgive him. One could even say that I've come to accept him, even value his advice and friendship. He was never a bad man, just selfish.

To be perfectly frank, I was fucked up for years. If there's the slightest shred of humanity and/or decency in the man, let go of your negativity, lest you end up as fucked up as I was.

But, then, I'm just some anonymous guy on a BBS, so why the hell do I know? :-)

To cheat would imply deciet and lying about physical or even emotional contact outside of the realtionship contract. In that sense, no I would never and have never cheated on my SO. I have however had emotional and physical encounters with women other than my wife ... but so has she.

I think it interesting I was about to post a question about this topic, just minutes before you posted this.

Over the last few days I have formed quite a crush on my wifes best friend. My wife knows, she shares this feeling. Our friend is married but unsatisfied in her realtionship with her husband and is actively cheating on him. We hear all about it. My wife is her confidant and I know that the relationship that I have with my wife is something that our friend wants too.

So, for the first time in my life I hope to help someone else cheat, but won't be cheating myself. Not honest with her husband, but I never made any promises to him and at this point I'm pretty pissed at him for how he treats my friend.

As someone who has been cheated on and who has been the person someone cheated with I think I have a different perspective on this. Not to mention a much less self-congratulatory one. People cheat. It happens. Everyone will jump on this thread and say "NO NO NEVER" but that ain't reality.

where I am right now in my life I would look at my relationship if I was even tempted to cheat. I think I would have the sense to realize if my relationship was what it should be I wouldn't follow up on the temptation of another.

I'm not saying I wouldn't like checking out another guys' butt or thinking he is hot. I just wouldn't allow myself to play around until I evaluated why I would consider doing it.

I am not perfect but I am finally mature enough to not be stupied either - especially if my partner is a good guy who deserves my respect and honesty - which he would be or I woulnd't bother with him.

the temptation to cheat doesn't necessarily mean there is anything wrong with your current relationship. Human beings aren't wired for monogamy. It doesn't always require deep soul searching to figure out your motivations.

Sometimes I really think the world would be a happier place if we could disabuse ourselves of the notion that love and sex are zero-sum games. That you can't love or want or fuck more than one person at a time. That if you love someone new that means there's less of your love for other people in your life. That if you want someone new that means you don't still want your partner. I don't get it.

That's why I can't say with 100% certainty what I would do under ALL circumstances.

I have to say though that I'm not constantly cheating on boyfriends. The fact is that I was monogamous for over a decade with my ex despite the fact that he was the most boring man on earth and the fact that I had opportunities a couple of times.

I'm just realistic about human nature at this point. I'd rather be with someone where we could at least talk about it when the opportunities come up.

My agreement comes from the observation that you have a good handle on human nature yourself.

but I know from experience that sometimes people hear what I have to say on this subject and they make assumptions about me. (Not saying you did that either - just kind of riffing on the topic to the world at large.) :)

Sometimes I think I have a good grasp of human nature...but then other times people confuse the hell outta me...I suppose that's what makes life interesting. :)

I don't see the point, really. I have it really good with my SO.

After 26 years of being together, I can look you in the eyes and say it never happened, is not happening, and wont happen. I realized some 26 years ago what a wonderful person my future bride was and made the decision not to put our relationship at risk.

Ahh, ain't love grand!:hug:

66% of DUers are bloody LIARS! :P

I would go nail the first woman I could afford. Never gonna happen, though.

I couldn't cause that much pain to someone I loved.

Why? Who's asking. What do ya have in mind?

If it's not there that you feel you have to cheat then it's pretty much time to let the SO go. My conscience couldn't handle cheating.

I know a lot of folks believe that mankind is not a monogamous critter. I don't believe there's objective truth in that. It becomes a means of rationalising our behaviours. There are many cultures where divorce and infidelity are still uncommon and people do mate for life. Often, the less 'civilised' we regard a society, the more difficult their life challenges the less likely they are to engage in polygamous and polyandrous relationships. I don't attribute this entirely to Maslow's hierarchy.

I feel we have a poor model for lasting relationships in contemporary western society. We’ve got the cart before the horse. We make a commitment at a wedding ceremony as teenagers or little more and then roll the dice expecting that love will conquer all. Love, by itself, in the hands of two callow teenagers, cannot conquer a ham sandwich.

I’m a hopeless failure when it comes to lasting relationships thus far, and am in no position to speak with authority on how to make it work. But I truly believe we ought to be waiting for the commitment to prove itself in a relationship, - and then stand up in front of God and everybody and swear on a stack of bibles that it‘s love and it‘s real and we promise to make it last. Not the other way ‘round.

We spend years educating our children on how to negotiate a workplace, a career, giving them life skills in every area but relationships. For that, we have television and the movies, - where everything magically works out in the end without the expenditure of effort. There was a time when we learned how to fight, to love and to live with our relatives by watching the behaviours of our parents, our neighbours, our extended families. Now we learn by observing the scripted entertainment programming of people to whom we have limited, disposable emotional attachments. If our marriages and relationships seem disposable we shouldn’t be deeply surprised.

Sorry to Zen navigate, but the path was at least as important as the destination.

I can’t say with any certainty because I don’t have a crystal ball that knows all and sees all. And yet, I’m still reasonably certain that cheating on a mate or a lover is not something I’m likely to do. First, - I’m really reluctant to make commitments. Second, I’m an ethical person with no desire to hurt people I care deeply for. Third, I rarely act on impulse and never in matters I consider important, - shoes are not important. Love and people’s tender feelings are important. And fourth, I am an excellent and fearless communicator. If I feel an attraction that I don’t feel I can easily put aside, I’m pretty up-front about it. I don’t take prisoners.

I decided not to write the long detailed version. Let's just say the temptation wasn't about anything logical or in normal consciousness. It was not premeditated on my part in any way. I was taken by suprise and the lust part of my mind kicked in. Before anything bad happened, besides being talked dirty to and not leaving right away or saying that he should not say those things to me and getting aroused instead, I said no and left. There is no "other hand".
I felt bad about that. I thought that I was better than that. On the otherhand, I know that I can walk away even when my body is telling me something different than what my mind is. I know that I can walk away. I won't make a "mistake".
As far as a premeditated affair, I wouldn't do that. I love my husband and know that he'd be very hurt because he trusts me so much. Besides ruining my relationship with my husband, there is also the issue of ruining whatever relationship that I would have with the person who I was having the affair. I learned the hard way. Before I met my husband, I slept with a friend who had a girlfriend. I ended up losing my friend and very hurt. I couldn't see how I wouldn't end up losing all the way around by having an affair.

I've been unhappy for a long time and when I got to a point where I know I would have and could have, I knew it was time to be honest and deal with the problems in my own marriage. I can't be a lier and be happy. I did not cheat, but I wanted to with every fiber of my being. I've gotten a bit of time to think about it all and realized that instead of trying to escape my problems, I needed to confront them head on once and for all. I would have never considered any of it unless I hadn't developed some pretty strong feelings for the "other man" which I never expected when things started. Ultimately, I'm glad I didn't, because it's wrong no matter how you want to cut it. Just bad karma for yourself.

I struggled so hard to find someone so wonderful. I dated so many complete assholes. Liars, cheaters, stoners...losers. I finally found one with a heart of gold.

To cheat would be to throw it all away with no second glance. reprehensor is my soulmate, and the best thing that has ever happened to me.

Yes, sometimes I see a cute guy and think "Hmmm....hot." But I could never take that extra step.

Number one, I'd probably start vomiting and not stop from the horrible guilt. Number two, I'd never be able to keep the secret and live with myself. Number three, after he left me (that's one of the deal breakers for both of us-- we've discussed it), I could never function normally again. I'd be in therapy for the rest of my life.