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haele Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jul-20-11 06:58 PM
Original message
My 74 year old father's body is dying -
Last wednesday, he suffered a moderate stroke, but it looked as if he was going to recover. As he and Mom live a couple states away, I made arrangements for Laz and me to take off Friday and go help Mom set up for a month or so that he would be in the rehab hospital and for the change in him.

On the 12 hour drive out Friday, she called - he suffered a second massive stroke, and most of his brain was gone. With a congenital heart problem, it was only a matter of time.
:cry:

He was a man who was still so very active - a retired Navy Chief who worked as an ombudsman for ESGR (Employer's Support for Guard and Reserve), volunteered for the Navy League and the local NOSC; a retired teacher with a Master's Degree in Far East History, who tutored history, sociology, and literature for both gifted and at risk students, a member of the local Democratic Committee who helped with GOTV efforts in his community. For many years, he was a high school coach for a team that more times than not, won their AA division championship.
Early in his life, he was active in the YMCA as a wrestling coach and youth counselor, and was one of the youngest Elders in the Presbyterian Church at the age of 20. Even though he drifted from religion as time went on, he kept much of the drive to create and improve community that he learned while he was a member - to him, Church was never so much about God, it was about Community.
He loved Monty Python and opera, Stan Freiburg and Howard Zinn. His hobbies were home and car repair, and historical research. I remember he had a comic book "Super LBJ", that he picked up while he was taking Poli-Sci courses and finishing up his certificate in Education at Berkley in 1965/66. And he gently answered my questions as to why the end of it was so horrible, explaining the Viet-Nam war for me.
When Mom was getting her degree in Central American Anthropology, he would go on digs with her, just for the fun of it.
He got one of the first Microsoft Certifications for computer administration, and afterwards used that certification to leverage developing one of the first high school computer training centers for his high school.
He loved trains, and planes and ships. While I was growing up He collected model trains and built tabletop dioramas - and then donated them to the
He went to China as an exchange teacher in the late 1980's, and last year, he and Mom took another trip to Japan and China as a summer treat.
I'm back, tracking down sources to complete his final wishes - a Navy burial at sea. My brother and me spent the last few days with Mom gathering records and ensuring she won't have any unnecessary problems trying to sort out the situation. The fine sailors and other volunteers that he was working with prior to his stroke are helping out to make sure that his passing and the transition would be simple and as painless to Mom as possible.

He loved life and helping people so much. And he died Friday, even though his body is still lingering, slowly shutting down. The doctors expected he would pass Sunday Night, but it's as if it is a testament to his inner strength, his need to be active that the body still lingers.

Good night Dad. Fair Winds and Following Seas.

Haele
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kayakjohnny Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jul-20-11 07:03 PM
Response to Original message
1. I'm sorry to hear this, Haele.
This was a beautiful tribute to him.

All the best to you as you come to terms with his loss.

He is the same age as my father was when he passed away.

Sounds like he lived a good life.

Take care.

:cry: :hug:
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applegrove Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jul-20-11 07:22 PM
Response to Original message
2. So sorry to hear this. vibes. Your dad sounds like he was one of those
wonderful, wonderful teachers that every student should have at least once. He always seemed to be learning stuff eh? And I bet he passed that love of learning onto many a kid.
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catzies Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jul-20-11 07:28 PM
Response to Original message
3. So sorry you're going through this Haele. I wish you comfort and peace.
My dad died exactly a year ago and he went quickly. We scattered his ashes in the Gulf Stream off Miami, and I wished him fair winds and following seas. He was 74. (we have a lot of coincidences here)

Your father sounds like a truly remarkable man and may you find comfort in all your loving memories.

:hug:
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The Velveteen Ocelot Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jul-20-11 07:28 PM
Response to Original message
4. My condolences.
Your dad sounds like a great guy. I'm sorry for your loss - lost my own dad a couple of months ago. It's hard.
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CaliforniaPeggy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jul-20-11 07:32 PM
Response to Original message
5. My dear haele...
My deepest condolences to you and your family on your father's death...

He had quite the amazing life; he lived every moment of it!

I hope that your treasured memories will sustain you during this time of loss...

Safe passage to him!

:hug:
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GreenPartyVoter Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jul-20-11 07:41 PM
Response to Original message
6. He sounds like an awesome Dad. I'm so sorry for your loss. *hugs*
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u4ic Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jul-20-11 07:46 PM
Response to Original message
7. What a gift to know such a man.
What an even greater gift to have him as a father. :hug:
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redwitch Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jul-20-11 07:53 PM
Response to Original message
8. He is someone I would have been lucky to know.
It sounds like you have been well and truly blessed. But that also makes the parting really, really hard. I wish him fair winds and following seas too. And I wish that those he leaves behind find much comfort in great memories. Your tribute to him is incredibly beautiful.
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handmade34 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jul-20-11 08:02 PM
Response to Original message
9. you are truly blessed
wow, what a joy to know this man, if only through your 'eulogy'







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Forkboy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jul-20-11 08:05 PM
Response to Original message
10. So sorry to hear this. Sounds like a hell of a man.
My best wishes to you and yours.
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AlienGirl Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jul-20-11 08:26 PM
Response to Original message
11. So sorry to hear that. :-(
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one_voice Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jul-20-11 08:28 PM
Response to Original message
12. My deepest sympathies are with you...
and your family! I hope that you all find peace.
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JohnnyLib2 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jul-20-11 08:33 PM
Response to Original message
13. What an inspirational life.

And he has a daughter who appreciates it.....

Comforting thoughts to you and the family.

:hug:
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TuxedoKat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jul-20-11 08:42 PM
Response to Original message
14. So sorry
for the loss of your beloved dad. What an amazing life and what a lovely tribute. (((HUGS)))
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Odin2005 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jul-20-11 10:00 PM
Response to Original message
15. Oh no! I'm so sorry!
:(
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nolabear Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jul-20-11 10:50 PM
Response to Original message
16. I'm sorry. It does sound like a life well lived. It's clear how much you love him.
Says a lot about a man.
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JCMach1 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-21-11 12:51 AM
Response to Original message
17. So sorry...
God speed to this good man...
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haele Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-21-11 01:09 AM
Response to Original message
18. Good night, Dad
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Bladian Donating Member (308 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-21-11 04:18 PM
Response to Reply #18
26. Sorry to hear all of this.
Edited on Thu Jul-21-11 04:19 PM by Bladian
:(
Edit: I always reply to someone's post instead of the OP :mad:
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Kali Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-21-11 05:01 PM
Response to Reply #18
31. sorry
I can tell you will really miss him - sounds like a great Dad.
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abq e streeter Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-21-11 02:18 AM
Response to Original message
19. So beautifully and lovingly written...Very cleary this was a wonderful man
My heart goes out to you and all who love him. Thank you for your act of love and generosity in sharing this with us.
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fizzgig Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-21-11 03:05 AM
Response to Original message
20. what a remarkable man
i am so very sorry for your loss
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pacalo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-21-11 06:02 AM
Response to Original message
21. Haele,
I'm so sorry.

Your dad sounds very impressive & I'm in awe of your dad's accomplishments.

I know how much it hurts (mine died in '82).

I wish you comfort & peace.

:hug:

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av8rdave Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-21-11 08:07 AM
Response to Original message
22. So sorry. Safe passage to a wonderful man.
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rurallib Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-21-11 01:46 PM
Response to Original message
23. so sorry for your loss.
There has been many a death reported on DU lately and each and every one evokes sorrow.
The hardest and most inevitable part of life is death, not only our own but those of people we love.
So for each one I am often buoyed by the fact that the departed left good memories and good progeny.
Looks like your Father did that. Feel good that you shared part of his life.

Thank you for telling us about him.
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indypaul Donating Member (896 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-21-11 03:44 PM
Response to Original message
24. May you find peace and comfort to endure your loss
in the following first verse of

"ETERNAL FATHER, STRONG TO SAVE"

The Navy Hymn

"Eternal Father, Strong to save,
Whose arm hath bound the restless wave,
Who did'st the mighty Ocean deep
Its own appointed limits keep;
O hear us when we cry to thee,
for those in peril on the sea,"
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InvisibleTouch Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-21-11 03:46 PM
Response to Original message
25. Sounds like he had a full and wonderful life.
We should all be so lucky as to be able to say that at the end.
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Brigid Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-21-11 04:24 PM
Response to Original message
27. I'm so sorry to hear about your wonderful dad, haele.
:hug:
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sarge43 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-21-11 04:26 PM
Response to Original message
28. Peaceful passage sailor and teacher. Thank you
:patriot:

Condolences Haele. Comfort and strength for you, your family and his friends.
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Bombero1956 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-21-11 04:26 PM
Response to Original message
29. I am so very sorry for your loss
I honor your father as he honored us with his service to his country and to his community. There are givers and takers and your dad was a giver in so many ways.

This Sailor has stood the watch
While some of us were in our bunks at night
This Shipmate stood the watch.

While some of us were in school learning our trade
This Sailor stood the watch.

And yes, even before some of us were born into this world
This Shipmate stood the watch.

In those years when the storm clouds of war were seen brewing on
the horizon of history
This Sailor stood the watch.

Many times he would look ashore and see his family standing there
needing his guidance and help... needing that hand to hold during
those hard times but he knew he must stay,
Because he had the watch.

He stood the watch for many years
He stood the watch so that we, our families and
Our fellow countrymen could sleep soundly in safety,
Each and every night knowing that
This Sailor stood the watch.

Today we are here to say
'Shipmate... the watch stands relieved.

Relieved by those You have trained, Guided, and Lead.
Chief, you stand relieved.. We have the watch..."
"Boatswain..Standby to pipe the side...
Shipmate's going Ashore...”
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sarge43 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-21-11 04:50 PM
Response to Original message
30. For the Chief.
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struggle4progress Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-21-11 06:12 PM
Response to Original message
32. I'm sorry, haele. I hope your fond memories help some.
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MrMickeysMom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-21-11 06:28 PM
Response to Original message
33. ...
Much comfort to you, haele...
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haele Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-22-11 01:50 PM
Response to Original message
34. Thanks everyone.
The school/academy he worked to start up is going to set up a residential scholorship for disadvantaged children in his name (I'll find out the details next week) and the local Reseve center is going all out for the memorial for him in September. A lot of people have stepped up to continue his work with both the academy and the ESGR work.

He believed that a life well-lived was the best legacy someone could have. It's just that there was so much more he wanted to do...
:cry:

Haele

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emilyg Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-22-11 11:15 PM
Response to Reply #34
35. Safe journey and hugs to you.
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OhioBlue Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jul-23-11 01:24 AM
Response to Original message
36. Oh Haele,
my sincerest condolences. Your father sounds like such a remarkable man. It is so sad that he is being taking at such a young age. Your OP is such a wonderful tribute to him. Hugs and good vibes/thoughts are being sent to you and your family. :hug:
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DFW Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jul-23-11 07:49 AM
Response to Original message
37. Been there, been through that with mom, and I was on another continent
My thoughts are with you
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Ishoutandscream2 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jul-23-11 11:54 AM
Response to Original message
38. My sincerest sympathies. Peace be with you and your family
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Desertguy55 Donating Member (1 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jul-23-11 05:58 PM
Response to Original message
39. Very sorry to hear...
...what you are going through. Having gone through a similar experience with my Mother all I can say is...please be at peace.
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lunatica Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jul-23-11 07:28 PM
Response to Original message
40. He will always be your wonderful father and your mom's loving husband
It's a sort of blessing that he doesn't need to linger over a slow death.
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Taverner Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jul-23-11 07:29 PM
Response to Original message
41. I am so sorry
:hug:
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KT2000 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jul-23-11 10:44 PM
Response to Original message
42. I am so sorry
please accept my sympathy.
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monmouth Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Jul-24-11 03:14 PM
Response to Original message
43. What a full and vibrant life. Most sincere condolences to you and yours..n/t
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