regrets about the road not taken

Last night I dreamed I was an EMT, and woke up crying because even in the dream I knew it wasn't true.

If I'd grown up differently, if I'd been aware of opportunities and my potential, today I'd be a doctor, an EMT, an athletic trainer, or a professional musician.

I am content in what I do for a living. Being a drone suits me. I make a great legal secretary, and the practices I serve teach me a lot about Native American history and how the federal government operates. This job also affords me something very important: the ability to punch out daily and leave behind a job I honestly don't care that much about. IOW, it lets me have a life.

If I had a profession, I would be happy even though it wouldn't be a leave-it-behind type of job, because it would be work I LOVE.

My regrets don't cripple me, but I think (and dream) about them from time to time, and it hurts a little.

Will you tell about your roads not taken?

While in college I applied to the Greensboro NC FD and made it all the way to the Chief's interview (3d step of a three step process). During the time between the written test and the interview I lost my grandfather to cancer and gained 20 lbs due to depression. The Chief seemed to think that I was too out of shape for the rigors of firefighting and passed me over.

2 Years later as I was back in my home town I met up with a girl I had been in the HS Marching Band with, we eventually married and had children.

Now I am a Paramedic/Rescue worker and look back on my FD experience as an 'unanswered prayer' that every day I thank God for.

peace

after recovering from a severe car accident, i needed to 'give something back' or whatever.

so i became a volunteer emt. night shifts and weekends only, so it didn't intefere with my paying gig!

i took an emt training course. tuesday evening, thursday evening, and all day saturday for 13 weeks. plus 10 hours helping out in the er. i volunteered as an emt in my town for a bit over half a year.

it was a wonderful experience. unfortunately, i had to move to a city that didn't accept volunteers :wtf: and let my license lapse. i'm now in yet another town, and i think they take volunteers. i might get back into it though i'd have to retake the training.

it's very rewarding, look into it!

I grew up an overachiever, always got straight A's, always had my nose in a book. I knew I wanted to be a writer from the age of 12. Things went well until sophomore year in high school. Teachers would tell me ( I was a teacher's pet) that I was going places...that someday they would read about me. I too, wanted to be a doctor, and I knew that would be acheivable...

...and then I met Matt. Matt, the rebel. Matt, the jerk. Matt, the abusive asshole. Up until that time, I had been a "good Catholic girl". Respectful of my parents, never broke a curfew. I dumped MrG for Matt-this is how stupid I was.

As so many times the story of Matt ended with me pregnant at 19 and fleeing the relationship back home to my parents. Thankfully, they would still have me.

Gone were the dreams of writing, of a medical career. All snatched away. In the place where my dream used to reside, now resided a secondhand crib, playpen, and high chair. Instead of Monday morning anatomy classes, it was Monday morning perm wave techniques. I went in to labor with my beautiful daughter the day I graduated from beauty school.

I try not to think of what could have been. I try instead to be grateful for a beautiful family, a loving husband (who I sometimes think was nuts to take me back), and my life. It's hard some days though, really hard.

BV, so many times your posts get me to think deeper about myself than I normally would. I can't believe I wrote all that.

:loveya: Laura

I didn't anticipate that this thread could hurt anyone by bringing up painful memories. Maybe I should ask to have it deleted.

Your daughter is a light of your life, is she not? And Mr. G. and your son (other kids?) -- I love reading your posts about your family. You are a formidable woman and my life is better for knowing you, even in this small way.

It does hurt to remember things. I'm sorry.

to be grateful for. So much in my life is good. It could have ended horribly and it didn't. My daughter saved me from myself. This is right where I should be.

Much love,Laura

This was my very point in my original post. Well said.

:loveya: dear friend.

I had an opportunity to go to a 2 year military college after high school. I explored the options and was already an Army Reservist at the time. I was offered a partial scholarship, but it really wasn't enough to get by on and additionally, at the time I was in "LOVE" with a girl. I passed up the opportunity. There are times when I wish I would've taken the scholarship, gotten a commission, and became an infantry or mechanized cavalry officer. Oh well.....:(

Especially with college majors. I majored in biology and have ended in quality assurance in the food industry. This seems like the best that I can do with my degree (monetarily) without getting an advanced degree. This is not particuliarly a great job.
There are other things that I would have preferred. I would have majored in English and become a writer. Writing is my passion. It is what I like.
I would have majored in international studies or political science with that emphasis. This is what I was interested in high school. I know that I would have got high grades in these courses. I did in thae college classes that I took in high school under a professor who was an "expert" and said that I had real potential. I got an A in the international politics course I took my senior year in college ay my own, more academically oriented college. My professor said that my research paper showed a graduate level understanding of international political theory. My history professors like wise said that I had exceptional understanding. I have doubts that I could have done successfully in graduate school and perhaps have done well on the foreign service exam.
Perhaps, I would have gone to graduate school in biology right away if I had not met my husband. I am more interested and better in ecology than biotech type stuff am clummsy enough that working with dangerous microorganisms might not be such a good idea. These jobs don't pay that well either even with a Dr. in front of your name.
I have also wanted to be a lawyer. Most recently, I am most interested in being a labor lawyer. Law school is expensive though and my grandparents hate lawyers. My husband knows that his father, a lawyer, was always working and he doesn't want the same for me either.
but really, if money didn't matter and I would get back into running, I really want to be a cross country and or/track coach.

We had wanted to jump in his MG Midget after graduation from HS and tour America doing grunt-work for cash under the counter.
We wanted to cross over to the Atlantic Coast, travel south, turn East at Florida and continue onward eventually making it back home in Washington. Kinda like wagon-training along.

Here I am at 50 saying to myself, Wasn't that just yesterday?

That sounds like a great dream rusty. :hi: