21st Century Etiquette Breaches. Your Favorites?

OK, I'm currently working on an eBook that will be a semi-serious/semi-humorous etiquette book for the 21st Century. I've built a long list of examples of etiquette breaches, discourtesies, foibles, and downright rude behaviors, that are based on new technology and current lifestyles, etc. Most of these breaches didn't exist earlier. As with everything, there's no way I won't miss some really good ones, so I'm appealing for help here in The Lounge. There will also be classic examples, and a historical perspective as a constant counterpoint in the book.

What are your pet behavioral peeves? What things do people do that drive you up a tree? If they're connected to anything 21st Century in nature, that's terrific, but timeless stuff is great, too. Think of situations and places and activities and what things people do that are simply uncouth, uncultured, and impolite and reply to this post, if you feel like it. I'm sure some will already be on my list of examples, but I'm equally sure some won't. I'll probably include some of them in the book as examples of things I'm discussing.

When the book's finished, it'll be a very inexpensive ebook offering on Amazon and other ebook outlets, and I'll certainly announce its publication on DU. I'll also be crediting DU for contributing to it.

Thanks in advance for any help you can offer!

There was some management book that stated that 'people love hearing their name, so use the customer's first name often.' This false familiarity by tradespeople is actually quite rude and off-putting; few people truly like it.

with first names on them contribute to customers using the employees' first names, with no ability to reciprocate. Both are on my list.

and was told about the policies to enforce it. The annoying part was they were asking me for my name and then repeating it throughout the transaction.

But they have stopped doing it so maybe I wasn't the only one who found it rude.

And we had corporate spies, err mystery shoppers check to see if we used the customer's name.

I HATED HATED HATED it. It made me feel uncomfortable.

It's when they had to ask me my name first and then they continued to use it.

I feel like if they had to ask, then it defeated the purpose of acting like they knew me, could be all chummy and I was SO special, lol.

AKA drive through transactions.

I don't like strangers using my name either. It's creepy.

I get put on disciplinary action if I consistently fail to use your name at-least three times in the transaction. Also every word I say at work, is scripted. I enjoy going to other branches where they don't know me and intentionally engage them in off-script conversation pretending to be a customer. You'd be amazed what havoc asking for a "taco sandwich" can make in response to "How else may I help you?"

Typical transaction, verbatim:

"Welcome to _________, How may I help you today, Phentex?"

"So you'd like to deposit. How much are we depositing today?
****
"How else may we help you today, Phentex?"

"May I ask: When was the last time you had an account review, Phentex? You should plan to meet with a representative of the bank every six months to insure you're on-track to meet your financial goals and are positioned in the right _________ products to help you achieve your goals."

"If there is nothing else..."

(Only then am I allowed to return your bank card and Driver's License)

"Thank you for banking with_________, Phentex. We appreciate your business."


You think you hate it, I fucking loathe it.

"You saved four dollars and seventy cents, Mr. (Iggo's Real Last Name)".

Maybe I don't want everybody behind me at the checkout stand to know my last name, huh?

(EDIT: Oops. Your complaint was about first names and mine was about last names. Still, the forced familiarity angle applies.)

I'm "Mrs. Holdorf."

I suppose Mrs. Holdorf had the same phone number before me, but somehow Safeway didn't get the memo. :D

B-)

Mr. "My Last Name". Drives him up the wall. I laugh!

Dale Carnegie.

I once went with my father to the bank where he did business, where he was approached by a much younger loan manager who addressed him by his first name.

My father looked at him and said, "You may call me 'Mr. ******', Sonny, or all my business is leaving this bank and going across the street."

The guy turned white.


I asked my father about that, and he responded with "I'm not that guy's pal, or buddy, or friend. I'm a person with which he does business, and expect to be treated as such."

I'm pretty sure Carnegie's advice was reformulated in 'Minute Manager'-type style books, because for a while, every idiot manager I had was giving this mantra, and none of them were smart enough to read Carnegie!

Every once in a while, I have to correct someone about how I preferred to be addressed, but not often.
the older I get, the more it peeves me to be addressed too familiarly by a stranger.

Will use a more formal form of address, especially if they of a younger generation.

Since I became an adult, people have addressed me as Miz CS (using my real first name). It started out as students and younger people doing it. Now that I am older, just about everybody addresses me as Miz CS. It does no good for me to ask them to just use my first name, it's too ingrained in the culture.

On the other hand, my mother-in-law who grew up in Minneapolis, after living in the South for nearly sixty years still thinks people are being sarcastic when they say, "Yes, ma'am" or "No, ma'am". Hubby warned me of how she regarded this Southern form of address before I ever met her. I still don't understand why it rubs her so raw and I've known her for over thirty years!

Up here there are only 3 uses for them:

1. a polite greeting to a stranger: "Excuse me, sir..."

2. to emphasize appreciation: "Why thank you very much, ma'am!"

3. to emphasize your anger at someone: "Maybe you shouldn't be such a jackass, SIR!"

Up here those terms are NEVER used to greet people we know.

Sir or Ma'am as a term of respect when speaking to anyone older or in a responsible position. All children were expected to use sir or ma'am when speaking to any adult, always.

I was pretty good about it until I became a fully mature adult. Now I seldom use sir or ma'am except in court and then usually only to the judge. Fortunately that has only happened once or twice in my lifetime.

then their first name.

We were NEVER allowed to use just their first name.

Adult friends of the family were addressed with Mr. or Mrs. and their surnames.

And, no - no child called any adult by their first name!

and had friendships that were that old.

They "were family" and I enjoyed having extra Aunts and Uncles.

I'm not married yet, but have been engaged for quite a long time. My great nieces and nephews address my fiance as Uncle. And they love him.

"Ma'am" is used as a euphemism for "hag" or "shrew" or other terms typically lobbed at undesirable women. It's a put-down, typically used it rebuttal to someone else's poor behavior. Think "You're old."

My mother almost clobbered some twenty-something kid at a packy the first time she went to J-ville, FL to visit her in-laws because he said "Have a nice day, ma'am!" and she thought he was being snotty because she had made him retrieve something (a certain bottle of wine that was on-sale and not on the shelf) from the stock-room.

I'm 44 so the younger alternative "Miss" just doesn't really fit me anymore but I do like it when someone calls me "Miss"! lol

collectors, I went to the bank to get cash for a trip to a major mineral show, where I would be buying stock for the business. That year, I had budgeted $10,000 for purchases. All wholesale transactions at those shows are done in cash, specifically in $100 bills. It's just how the business operates. So, I went to the bank to get the cash. I had called them in advance, since it was a small local bank in a small town, and I wanted to make sure they had a bundle of $100s available.

So I went to the teller, wrote a withdrawal slip on my savings account and passed it to the teller. To my shock and horror, the teller said, in quite a loud voice,
"My, that's a very large withdrawal." I told her to cancel the transaction, marched over to the branch manager's desk, and quietly read him the riot act about what had happened. There were other customers in the bank, and it was not in my interest that they know that I was walking out of the bank with a large amount of cash. I handed the bank manager the withdrawal slip and told him that I would be back in about an hour and would stop by his desk to pick up the money, which should be in a manila envelope.

The teller lost her job. I bought my specimens that weekend, with no further problems.

Note: At the show, which is held in a hotel, with the wholesale dealers in individual hotel rooms, armed security guards are standing duty on every floor. Most buyers stay in that hotel. Millions change hands over the course of the show. I was a very, very minor player in that business.

In this instance? Justified.

Very annoying.

Saying "tu" instead of "vous".

And there are places I am know. I was also on the other side of the coin, managing a video store and knowing the names of most the regulars. But that's an established relationship.

Still don't know why corporate America thinks calling me by my first name is gonna make me a feel like a regular, it doesn't. I feel like a regular when I AM a regular.

Banks, however, I see differently than retail places. I think they should call me by name. Last name. I have money in their bank, not a ton of it, mind you, but more than I put in the till at Crate and Barrel. I should be Mister to them, I know they don't give a crap about my account, but I want to feel a little respect from them for doing my business there. If they aren't gonna call me Mr., they might as well not use my name at all.

My last name appears easy, spelled the same in English, but not pronounced the same. I rarely correct people on it, and am not offended when they say it the American way. Perhaps corporate America went to first names cause it cuts down on the pronunciation mistakes. I don't know how other cultures feel, but none of my other Swedish friends seem that upset about their names getting mispronounced either.

I frequently mispronounce my own name it intentionally so the clerk can find me in their computer.

I hang up.

That sets them straight at the very beginning. Works quite well.

at an economic summit?

:rofl:

Good one!

but that's the Chinese president.

with the word: Hummingbird.

obvious are the idiots who can't bother to rsvp to things like wedding invites, even with addressed, stamped rsvp reply cards, but on the other end of it, is getting an invite from people who should know your odd situations in terms of house guests or non-traditional family structure and who don't make it clear who EXACTLY is invited to a function by either naming them or at least giving you the flexibility of bringing "and family" or "guest" or some other indication that it isn't just you or you and your spouse. I was taught an invitation was for the person/persons addressed, so if others aren't listed or suggested I feel very uncomfortable bringing them (or being the uninvited guest of somebody else).

But then when you arrive at the event, inevitably you get "So glad you could make it, but where is___?":banghead:

...only half the people you invite are going to show up. Even if they casually say "yes" they may or may not show up. If you invite 50 people, 25 of them are actually going to show up. But, they will bring extras with them, without telling you in advance. So you will still end up with 50 people, just not the ones you wanted. However the uninvited ones often turn out to be the most fun and interesting, so by the time it's all over you're glad they came instead of the ones you invited.

some foreign dignitary. He drank the lemon water in the finger bowl (which apparently you were just supposed to use to clean your fingers, like at Swiss Chalet today). So she picked up hers and did the same so he would not be embarrassed. Of course everyone else at the dinner then did the same.

I may use it in the book somehow.

who simply can NOT look up from their smartphone//other digital device when I am doing something normal like looking for an address or a green light. :grr:

in this book in the "Techniquette" chapter. Lots and lots.

I'll be filling the bookshelves and some inconsiderate jerk will run into be because he or she is on their cell phone.

You may not kill someone walking into them like you would driving into them, but its just rude behavior. I had my knee taken out by a walking-texter, took four weeks to heal.

I usually intentionally walk straight toward them until they notice me standing in front of them.

Also when they don't put any kind of hello or signature on the email, just a line of text. That's so rude.

It's not going to be Grandmother's etiquette book, I promise.

:rofl:

And there's thousands of email addresses and duplicated messages rather than just the needed message and any other addresses done BCC.

And although they never admitted I was right, I've noticed that I rarely get an un-salutated or un-signed email anymore... :)

I've had this happen with several people. They add you to their address book or whatever, then from then on you get every stupid email they forward out, usually with some cute or funny picture or video, but sometimes really bad things. One person I did some business with added my address to his list, without even asking me, then I started receiving things from him almost every day, with the nastiest right-wing stuff you could imagine. I asked him to remove my address from that list, and he apologized and said he would, but he never did... I still got the emails. I guess he couldn't figure out how to remove an address from the list. I finally just blocked his address at the server level.

With no indication in the subject line that it is about the group. Most (99.9%) of those people are not people I know otherwise and until I learn who is associated with the group, chances are I have deleted several emails with important information I would have liked to have known. I tend to delete messages from people whose names I don't recognize.

This is political, social and special interest hobby type groups. How hard is it for them to put the organization's initials at the start of the subject line?

usually it is a reply to something but I know I do it as an original e-mail too sometimes

I tend to view e-mail with familiar people mor like a casual phone call and just start talking...

e-mails to a business or to political reps or somebody like that get a more formal style - very much like a business letter, but with friends and family I often skip the greeting (and much capitalization and punctuation - sort of like on internet forums :P )

to point out spelling or grammatical errors on an internet message board. I would not correct the errors in a hand written letter sent to me via the mail so I don't think the internet should be different.

You're correct, of course, but it all depends on how it's done, I think.

Is it impolite to point out to someone that his fly is unzipped? It's a fine line.

I thought that's what you were talking about.

Current technology allows one to be rude online rather quickly, don't you think?

It's a general etiquette book, and will cover a full range, but from a 21st-century perspective.

One may be rude very quickly in almost any situation. Some posts about misspellings, etc., are simply done to inform people, so they will not make the mistake again. Very much like letting a guy know his fly is open or anyone about some other clothing malfunction. And then, some misspellings and other language errors are very, very humorous. Those get pointed out every time.

As for current technology, it also allows one to check spelling rather quickly. Often, that will catch those errors, as well. Most modern web browsers, like Google Chrome spell check as you type. Proofreading one's own writing is also a very polite thing to do. It's all about the situation and the particular type of error.

Every etiquette book in my very large collection of such books written in the past 400 years is very clear about the use of proper grammar and spelling. It's always been considered an important part of proper behavior to use care to make your written communications clear and accurate.

that's just my opinion of course.

I think it is appropriate to let them know what they have done incorrectly.

For example: A colleague continually misspelled the name of a school. Is it more rude to correct her or let her continue to misspell it, which could lead to embarrassment?

and different from the hundred thousand or so people in a forum. People on an internet message board may be typing quickly or informally. Maybe they are just expressing an opinion. They aren't going for an advanced degree!

I was thinking of the technology angle. If someone sent you a letter and used the word it's when they meant its, you would not necessarily write back to them to correct the mistake. I think that would be considered rude. But on the internet, it's easy to quickly correct them. I still find it rude.

you wouldn't tell them? Why not?

we could go all day with the what-ifs. Yours does not apply. Or should I say Your's does not - hee hee!

:rofl:

"I still find it rude..."

What precisely is rude about it?

People just stand in the middle of the aisle, randomly stop without reason, walk into you, and I REALLY DON'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT YOUR FUCKING ANAL WARTS!

about blabbing about their personal stuff in public.

By not letting their parent talk to an adult. I was taught not to interfere with adult conversations unless it was very important, but most of the time, the moms will cut you off so the wee child can say something completely insignificant to get attention. Rude of the parent; the child doesn't know better.

If they protest, dare them to prove that it is any more rude than what they are doing.

Should I do it anyway?? :rofl:

:evilgrin:

I hated the customers who would try to transact business with me, or look at an item, and yak on a cell phone. They would apologize to me. I thought, "Yeah if you really meant it, you would get off the goddamn phone and DEAL WITH ME."

I wanted to tell them to finish their conversation before they dealt with me, but I couldn't.

:banghead: Retail is enough to drive ya nuts!

At my local coffee shop reads "We'll be happy to serve you once your phone conversation is finished."

I especially hate it when people think that their conversation is SO FREAKING IMPORTANT that they can't stop yakking while checking out at the grocery store.

Save it!

"And he was all like. And I was like. And then HE was like. So I was ALL like."

She talked without stop and didn't say a fucking thing!

I've done it before and will probably get my ass kicked at some point....but holy crap....shut up, pay for your groceries and then take a phone call.

Maybe I'm just old and jaded..... :-)

They can't make the time to explain anything, are in a big hurry, and are just plain rude. We aren't stupid... we just need information!

I guess this could be true about buying a computer, digital camera, or whatever. My rotten experience was with Verizon. :argh:

But I've had the opposite experience shopping for computers. It may be that they see a white-haired man and think "cha-ching".

(On a note related to that "white-haired man" thing, no matter who's paying for our meal at a restaurant, the waitstaff always brings me the bill...lol.)

But were smart ass to older shopper, especially middle aged women.

I had one twerp of a "salesman" try to feed me a bunch of BS about the computer he was trying to sell me. It was my first laptop computer, but I had been building my own desktops for about ten years and had owned computers since that kid's mother was in elementary school.

The kicker came when he told me to bring in my husband to help me make a choice. That's when I got the manager involved. I left that store without buying anything but I educated a little jerkoff about how to treat customers!

She was nice, answered all my questions, and sold me a little flip phone.

If you lived in my area, I'd refer you to her. :hi:

mechanic tell my husband, there was nothing wrong with the car, you "know" how women drivers are. I called the dealership owner and reported him. Turns out my car needed a new fuel injection module, I got it for free (paid labor) and the guy lost his job.

thing in the 20th Century. Before then, it was mainly a wealthy-class concept. Starting in the 1930s, a series of etiquette books targeting the middle class became popular. Emily Post and her competitors really flourished in post-WWII America. Truly, etiquette has only been part of the sensibilities of the bulk of society for a short time, historically.

I can see the trend as I have read my collection over the years. Prior to about 1920, virtually every etiquette book contained a chapter regarding household servants, and dealt with a primarily female perspective on life. Pater familias was was a minor supporting character in the world they discussed. After WWII, a very strong interest in such things became popular. Today, not so much. I'm hoping to try to coax a practical etiquette back into our culture. Not the artificial etiquette of the 19th century, but a logic-based etiquette that might work today. I have the time. I have the interest. I have the years of studying etiquette as it has been. I can write. So, I'm going to do it. It'll probably not be a huge success, but :shrug:

The perfect example is at Disneyland. When I was a kid, we were expected to be on our best behavior there, and we knew that - we didn't need to be told. Parents and kids, the whole family, were polite and respectful towards other visitors even though they were total strangers. Everyone had a good time.

By contrast, you go to Disneyland today and you see people bumping into each other, people cutting into lines (which would never have been tolerated back then), kids running, yelling, screaming - and the parents do nothing to discipline or control them. There's no longer any sense of a common, shared experience. Instead there's a sense of entitlement now, a sort of "I paid big money to get into this place, and I'm going to have a good time and you better get out of my way."

There are even threads on the Disneyland fan sites discussing in detail people's behavior (not only the visitors but the employees as well). There are many horror stories of how rude and embarrassing people have behaved at what is supposedly the "Happiest place on Earth." Search micechat.com if you want to read some.

It's not everyone; in fact the majority of people are polite and considerate. But antisocial behavior is far more widespread now than it was 50 years ago. And it seems to be tolerated and accepted. And this is true almost everywhere. In general people seem to live in their own bubbles and have no concern for anyone outside that 6-foot bubble. This wasn't true 50 years ago and it has slowly developed over a period of decades.

but it might be an interesting read. It's not going to be like the etiquette books most of us think about. It's not going to be Miss Manners, either. Judith Martin was great, for the 1970s, but a different approach seems in order.

It used to be fun to swear. Now everyone is just about using profanity anytime and without good reason (IMHO). Where is the fun in that?
I am trying to reduce my use of profanity for that reason. Of course, dropping an anvil on my foot would be an exception.

Also, subjects that were considered vulgar a few years ago are becoming more commonplace. I don't want to hear about sex acts or genitals more than necessary.

I am in my 40s. Maybe I'm turning into a prude. IDK.

:shrug:

:hi:

I had the misfortune to watch a couple have a screaming meltdown in the parking lot of the grocery store today. Yelling "Fuck you!" at the top of your lungs might be acceptable on DU - where everyone expects it now and then - or in a seedy bar. It's not so cool in front of crowds of kids and frail elders using walkers.

I think that people today fail to understand that's it's impolite to inflict your personal problems or preferences on total strangers. I don't want to hear about your irritable bowel syndrome symptoms in a restaurant, when I'm sitting in the next booth. I don't appreciate your car stereo turned up to ear-bleeding volume on the street. And it's rude to plunk yourself down on a bench and start ranting about your horrible boss or terrible ex to someone trying to read a book. All those things have happened to me this week. On the Internet I can close the blog, ignore the thread or put the boor on block/defriend. Not so easy when I'm sitting there waiting for the handicapped bus to pick me up!

At least that's my experience growing up in a poor rural area.

Get yo' cussin' verb tenses straight!!!

:evilgrin:

It seems as if we can never go anywhere without him either texting someone or logging onto Facebook to check his messages, even if we're out at a restaurant and in the middle of the meal. Nothing says, "Yeah, yeah, whatever, real-world friend, I'm too bored to be bothered to involve myself in this conversation--even though you're actually talking to me right now" like whipping out your smartphone and checking your text messages and then logging into Facebook to look at the status updates of people you barely know or don't know at all outside of Facebook.

tell them that when he does it. Speak to him with a text and you might get his attention.

restaurants, airports, stores....I really don't care

If anyone knows where he lives and is looking to rob his apartment, all they have to do is watch his Facebook status updates to know when he isn't home. He also posted once about me being out of town and didn't understand why I called him to get him to take his post down. I had to explain to him that there are people he barely knows on his page and so has no idea what they'd do with that info, and that my address in the damned phone book! Oy!

I try to not post any vacation pics until I get home.

But really, I don't care what freaking restaurant you are having dinner at tonite.

AND......if you are a "friend" of somebody's parent....don't post that the boy is delicious. Holy crap. That freaked me out tonite.

People are generally much more self-absorbed these days, and good side of that is that there generally is more tolerance now of different people than there as 50 years ago, but the bad side of that is there is no concern for others. This manifests itself in many ways, big and small. Driving habits these days are pretty bad - people make lane changes or turns without signaling first, which makes it more dangerous, people pull into traffic without any warning, I've even seen people hold up traffic just to have a conversation with someone standing on the sidewalk. In California it is illegal to use a hand-held cell phone while driving, yet I see people using them at least 10 times every day. It is dangerous yet millions of people still do it. One of my pet peeves is the misuse of the disabled placard for vehicles. In California it is illegal to use one unless the disabled person it was issued to is present. Yet all the time I see people pull up to a disabled parking space, hang the placard, and then practically waltz out of the car to wherever they are going - clearly not disabled. Thus they force me to use a regular parking space with my mother in the car, and it's not the extra distance to walk, which is usually trivial. It's the wider space between cars at the disabled spaces, which we need to for placing the wheelchair. People think that since they have a disabled placard they can use it even though nobody present is disabled. It's a violation of the law here. Also supermarkets are a hotbed of antisocial behavior... taking up a whole aisle with your cart so that nobody else can pass, letting kids run amok without supervision, getting in the 10-items-or-less checkout lane with 25 items, writing a check (and not starting to write it until you know the total) and on and on. Movie theaters another nightmare - kids behind you kicking your seat constantly without even thinking about it, talking throughout the movie about things other than the movie, etc. I could go on and on about all the antisocial behavior that is, sadly, considered acceptable public behavior these days. And it's all based on a state of mind where the person is only thinking of themselves and not even aware of anyone around them.

I'll be presenting.

I understand that one should start writing the check before the total comes up, but sometimes people just have to write checks.

I am constantly losing my debit card and sometimes have to write a check.

Sorry.

Maybe not etiquette per se, but just as video killed the radio star, electronic cash registers killed the proper practice of counting change. Today's cashiers will say "$4.63 is your change" and put 4 singles in your palm and attempt to balance (or sprinkle) the coins and the receipt on top of the stack of bills. If a coins slide off and drop, you'll get an nice apology... However, such apologies could be avoided if the change was given back properly...

The cashier should state the amount of the purchase, then give back the change starting with lowest denomination (coins) first while counting up to the tendered amount. This way the change is counted twice by the cashier and prevents coins from dropping. For example if I give a cashier a $20 bill for a $2.11 purchase. The pro cashier should say...

"Two eleven" -- before starting to give change back
"two twelve, two thirteen, two fourteen, two fifteen" -- as the pennies are given
"two twenty-five" -- as the dime is given
"two fifty, two seventy-five, three dollars" -- as the quarters are given
"four dollars, five dollars" -- as the one dollar bills are given
"ten dollars" -- as the five dollar bill is given
"And twenty dollars" -- as the ten dollar bill is given

I was too lazy to type my own example, so I snipped one from... http://www.aaamath.com/g45_cox1.htm

Counting back change is gone with the display of the change on the cash register. Once the amount of change was calculated by the register, counting change back no longer made sense. In fact, it's irrelevant, since its function was to calculate the change out. Now, the amount is known in advance.

We will never return to change counting. The debit card and things that will replace it will make change irrelevant in the end, anyhow. Real money is something that is disappearing fast.

...and learned on a digital cash register, but I was taught again and again to count change the old school way as a way of double checking the amont of the change I took from the drawer. I think all of the old school cashiers have moved on to greener pastures.

You may be right, but AT LEAST put the coins in my hand first!

BTW, I've found many places in NYC counts change properly... However, nobody does it right in this suburb of Houston where I am staying.

And, don't get me started about the lost art of bagging groceries... I think Kroger's instructs their baggers to put like items in the same bag... Heavy with heavy in one bag, popcorn, cottonballs, and napkins in another, all glass jars together, etc.

When I first entered the working world many a moon ago, the first real job I had as a teenager was working at a meat stand at the old New Central Market in downtown Cleveland, where the Indians ballpark now stands.

Anyways, you wore a paper hat and had a pencil stuck under it as the method of keeping track of each customers order was to start a tally written on the first package of meat wrapped up in butcher paper.

You listed all the individual prices of each item as they were taken off an old analog scale and wrote them down on the package, finally adding the list out loud as the customer watched and listened, checking your math as you were adding it all up.

Then you went to a cash register that was new in 1885, ringing up the total. You then counted out the change as you placed it in the customers hand.

You got really good with adding long lists on numbers, real fast, or you'd catch hell for it.

It was nothing to have thirty different items for one customer; the first of the month was always crazy busy.

And every customer was "Sir", "Ma'am", "Missus", or with many of our regulars, we would use their last name, "Missus *****".

Always.

We had very loyal clientele, I waited on families who had three generations that shopped our stand.

Coins dumped on top of the bills.

so the customer knows he is being given the correct amount. It doesn't matter that the register tells you how much to give or whether the register tells the customer how much she's getting. Unless the register is dispensing the change, it should be counted back to make sure the dispensed amount is correct.

And yes, change first, then paper. My favorite is getting the change on top of the paper at the drive through.

you the exact amount you should get back, the old way would actually add confusion. As in your example, the register would indicate you are due $17.89 in change.

There is a cash register that tells the clerk exactly how many of each denomination of currency to return. No one is really that stupid.

:rofl:

Of course, that assumes they can count. Perhaps the next model will have a display that shows a picture of exactly how many of each things to return...

Both my coworkers and my boss are "astonished" that I can do the sales tax in my head, as if it were some magical ability.

I had an order come up to $6.51 & handed the cashier a $10, then dug a penny out of my purse. She looked at me with deer-in-the-headlights eyes & said she couldn't make change for that, because she had only entered "$10.00" on the register & was giving me back the change it told her to give me.

:wow: really? A FREAKIN' PENNY THREW HER OFF??? So instead of getting 3 dollar bills & 2 quarters in change, I got a bunch of pennies I didn't need cuz this idiot couldn't do simple subtraction in her head.

dg

It drives me nuts when I'm given a $10 bill, have already entered it into the cash register, and then the customer insists on giving me a penny or a nickle because it totally slows things down because I have to go void the transaction and re-enter the stuff again, and then make a note about the voided transaction for my boss so she knows to ignore that transaction when she does the bookwork.

no one is counting how many nickels there are in the register, they are looking for the tape and the drawer to equal in money.

If they give you 10.05, just give them 5 cents more back.

I'd be interested in hearing the defense of that practice.

If it's protection against customers claiming they gave you more cash and claim you are short changing them, it is much more efficient to merely lay the cash received across the top of the register (not in the trays) until they receive their change than to fill out paperwork. Then if they say that, they should be saying so while the cash is still distinguishable, and the situation remedied immediately.

And because several of my coworkers are adults with mild mental disabilities. (our store is a non-profit whose earnings go to funding job programs for the disabled).

We don't have to have a void or override done, but it is annoying to me when a customer hands me a $20 and I say, "out of $20" and open the register and begin counting out change. Then they say, "Oh, I think I have the (whatever) cents" just as I'm handing their change back to them.

It would have been a lot easier if they had stopped me just after I said, "out of $20." But no. :shrug:

Why not just give the customer the change? Your till will still be the same.

dg

When I work the till at the thrift store all the older folks appreciate me counting out the change.

I don't care about them counting back the coins - too much, imo. The bills, yeah. Just hand the coins and say "$3.00" and then "4,5,10,20" for the bills.

Or even just checking for messages. Anything you do with the phone is a clear message, "You are not as important to me as whoever may be trying to contact me right now." To some people I guess it's acceptable, but to me it automatically kills the chance they might have for another date. Turn off the damned phone completely, or at least leave it in your car, if you go on a date.

In fact, I'm looking at a stock photo from an agency of a couple all dressed up in a restaurant, with both of them texting someone on their phones. I'm thinking about using it as a cover image. Even though the book will be an eBook, you still have to design a cover.

I figured I was a fogey. I can make an exception for, "My father is having open heart surgery as we speak and I'm expecting a call as to whether he lives through it."

Something critical like that would be acceptable but it should be announced in advance. Nothing wrong with announcing you're expecting an important call of that nature. But it should be announced in advance to the date why you are keeping your phone so close by. And even then only answer it if it shows the phone number you are expecting the call from. A business call, on the other hand, is not an acceptable reason to answer the phone during a date.

I don't do it anyway, but I've noticed that girls can get away with it more often than guys...

I also wanted to add on my best friend Mike, who is always on the phone (regularly up to 20 minutes) whenever I'm visiting...He also plays that stupid "text me to call" game or something like it, which is why 90 percent of the time he never picks up when I call from a landline...

... people who smoke at gas stations. I smoke myself but not at gas stations.

Those two things never fail to get me muttering under my breath.

Don

something that's going to play in the book for sure.

I've even reported one of my neighbors to the animal control for it. He was taking his 2 dogs for a walk every day but only having one on a leash. The other he let run wild. Sure enough, eventually he was down to one dog. I don't know what happened, but I suspect the one that he let run loose got into some trouble or got hit by a car or something. I'll never know as I don't talk to him at all. We also have an ongoing problem with my next door neighbor who has been warned by the animal control that she cannot let her dog go loose at any time, yet she still does... and the dog has chased people and other dogs spontaneously.

I finally had to report my neighbors to Animal Control as their dog was in my yard more than their own. After that, guess what, they leashed the darned dog. But my constant requests and then demands to them before I called the police got me nowhere. Only the threat of fines did the trick.

I couldn't get away fast enough! :o

And I am not talking about service dogs. But when you bring your dog to the mall in your designer handbag, I have issues with you. Not to mention safety issues when it comes to bad dog behavior, allergies, etc.

It's okay to touch up your face with a little powder and put on lipstick, but everything else should be done in a bathroom.

and someone responded with an "lol". I thought they were calling me an absolute loser! And I thought to myself 'well that was uncalled for'. LOL!

whether in person, by email, phone, snail mail, etc.

Even just an acknowledgment that the gift, if sent by mail, was received would be better than nothing.

(And I am so going to catch hell for these)

If you have a guest over for more than a few hours,

1) When is it appropriate to check e-mail or otherwise use the internets? Is it ever appropriate to open your laptop in front of a guest (or host!)?

and 2) If you have a guest over, and there's a family member in the room who is not a friend of the guest, should the guest try to include the family member in the conversation, or should the family member try to accomodate the guest? What if the family member and/or the guest are on their laptops/computers at the time?

(For example, say a friend of mine and I are on the couch talking about something that is boring to one of my relatives, but said relative is sitting there playing "3 minutes on the beach" at the time? Then said relative comes over and starts talking about something to the exclusion of what my friend and I are talking about? Not that this would ever actually happen, but as a strictly theoretical scenario?)

(I mean, you would not BELIEVE how often the issue of houseguest etiquette comes up. Even to the point of what one should provide for a guest, such as wifi, a grounded power strip, and so forth.)

"Is connecting to the internet a way of disengaging from what's happening, and is there ever a time in a social gathering where it's appropriate to disengage in such a manner?"

Another question is, "What's our obligation to friends of friends?"

Don't yack on your cell phone while eating at a restaurant.

if you cannot let go of your hand-held device for the length of a movie, GET THE DVD

Every time she turned on her phone and the light came on, it totally took me out of the movie as I could see the light in the corner of my eye. Very distracting.

I can see that bright light ANYWHERE IN THE THEATER and you are damned right it is VERY distracting

that makes one look real macho. It's actually gross and possibly unsanitary.

That was an increasing annoyance in Portland at about the time I left, and it's rarer here in Minneapolis, although I occasionally see it.

My mom used to say, "There's only one thing worse than a liar and that's a spitter'". lol

Ugh. It's actually triggered a gag reflex in me a few times. Horrible.

It's extremely common here in Chicago. But it's only ever, always, males who do it. In all my 42 years, I don't think I've EVER seen a woman do that. Which means it's a lie when some people try to claim it's "necessary" for some reason. Women generate as much spit and phlegm as men. We just don't share it with the whole world.

1. People who smack and pop their chewing gum.

2. Not holding the door for the person behind you.

3. Taking more than one space in a parking lot and/or pulling up to the curb and leaving the car blocking half the lane.

4. People who leave their grocery carts in the middle of the aisle while they wander around.

instead of walking a few feet to the cart corral.

So many little common courtesies aren't common these days.

So many little common courtesies aren't common these days.

The turn indicator isn't to tell me what you're doing.

It's to tell me what you're GOING to do.

I was turning right into a supermarket parking lot behind a driver who was doing the same. There was another driver behind me who was also turning in. We all had our blinkers on...no problem.

However, the driver in front of me abruptly stops just after turning, apparently wanting to "survey" he selection of available parking spaces. Anyway, he's blocking me and the driver behind me, who's still on the street waiting to pull into the parking lot.

I honk then pull around him when I see he's not going to move. When I got out of my car and locked it, I started toward the store when he finally pulls into a space and gets out. We exchanged words after he mimics my honking and I remind him of the stupidity of blocking traffic due to his inability to make decisions.

Lesson: when you pull into a parking lot and are unsure where you want to go, pull into the lot far enough so you can sit and decide what your next move will be without blocking traffic.

I believe what I experienced could be called, "parking-lot rage."

text or email please.

it should be something more specific than,"Give me a call when you get back." I have a full-of-herself coworker who does that all the time and it pisses me off. If it's that damned important, leave a message and be specific about what you need because unless that information is included, I'm NOT calling back. I'm just going to assume that if it's not important enough to leave a complete message, it's not important enough for me to call back about.

(I know that attitude makes me seem like an ass, but I work in a deadline-oriented environment and even if I didn't, this particular coworker is a giant pain in the ass who's pretty much completely incapable of performing even the simplest tasks by herself.)

Edited to add: this obviously doesn't apply to friends and family who leave me voicemails, either at work or on my personal cell. I'm not THAT big a jerk. :P

86-year old MIL by her first name at the Dr.'s office. And just in case you're wondering, she doesn't know her, either. That makes me cringe...don't they know better? It's one thing to do it to me, in my 50s, (I don't love it) but show a little respect to a woman in her 80s whose culture and traditions are much more formal.

I see it and hear it more and more. Its not only rude to the person you're talking to, its rude to those doing their business in the stall next to you.

I personally try to bust the person by brewing up a fart or belch, flushing twice, letting out an over the top relief groan, whatever I can do to make the person on the other end know their colleague called them from the shitter.

Like what should you share about your personal life and what is insulting to people you know or people who read your blog?

Example: do not post a picture of your miscarriage on your blog.

Yes, I have seen this happen before. x(

I'm not kidding - that happened. When I asked him to please put them back on, he looked at me like I'd lost my mind and his date got all snotty. We had to get an usher to talk to the guy and make him put his shoes back on. :wow: They were all frosted that anyone would object to the fact that they weren't in their damn living room and had to respect other peoples' space. I swear.

Come to think of it, I pretty much stopped going to the movies after that - with a few exceptions.

Seriously. What is wrong with people?

if you are not invited.

Exceptions to the rule - if you have traveled far AND I haven't seen you in a long while AND you know I like you a lot.

And the call isn't to tell me you're coming over. It's to ask me if it's okay if you come over.

Cell phone usage in public places (restaurants, theaters, etc)
Grammar and spelling Nazis on the internet (if you must correct do it privately)
Parents who can/will not control their children in public
Wait people expecting more then the 1960's standard 10% tip

If you tip somebody the 60s-era 10% they probably won't be happy, and with good reason.

The standard is 15-20% today. Waitstaff are paid $2.13 an hour before tips and rely on them to pay the bills.

Today's 10% tipper would be considered a cheapskate.

I tip 10% to insult the waiter for poor skills.

I am 53 years old, and I hate that! :grr:

I am 53 years old, and I hate that! :grr:

As a teacher, this is very annoying. Apparently kids have not been taught to stay to the right when walking down hallways. When you find a large number of youth, it's like a mob when trying to negotiate going down a hallway. Chaos.

when there is another door they could open & use themselves without nearly knocking you down. Again, I encounter this w/younger folks.

That's a total no-no in my opinion.

(You owe me .005 cents for every sale you get, after you multiply by zero.)

This is ubiquitous as people are trying to out-attention whore each other. I was trapped in a car service waiting room with a man whose cell rang about every 5.6 seconds, blaring a man's voice yelling "Good Morning, Muthaf**ker!" Not only was he not embarrassed, be bragged that it was his 40th (!!) birthday and all his friends were calling him. Everyone around was really uncomfortable, but these days, you never know if that stranger you scold will pull out a gun and shoot you for interfering with him, so no one said anything. Just my luck, this guy was taking the work shuttle with me; thankfully his cell battery finally died.

Also, people who leave their cells turned on and on their desks while they go off to a meeting. One woman at my office had "We Will Rock You" as her ringtone, and it was earth-shatteringly loud. After about the 10th time the ringer launched me out of my seat, I left a little note that if the phone wasn't silenced, I'd bring my hammer to work and she'd need a new tone: "We Will Smash You".

If you didn't catch what somebody said.

"What did you say?" or "I beg your pardon", or SOMETHING, not just "What?" Arggh!!

:hide:

I don't like that either. I usually say, "Sorry?"